Off Kilter – Season 7: Episode 3 | @PeterJonesPhoto

In the ever deafening echo chamber of arguments regarding victimhood where today’s pasty and bloated windbags wrestle with the reality that the tables have turned and their halcyon days of egotistical, self-centred and self-righteous are coming to a close, so is the Scottish FA’s tinnitus inducing wining and moaning that the duopoly they so cherish is under threat of our boys in gold and black. Edinburgh may be the cultural capital of Scotland, but Glasgow is the footballing epicentre and no out-of-towners of the provinces is going to change that.

Try as we might for the last 3 seasons, we’ve only managed to wedge ourselves between the two brooding mares of Scottish Football, but this year could be change that. Ourselves and Celtic were stretching our legs and showing what our haggises were made off before Rangers reeled us back in like a big ol’ juicy Salmon. Swimming upstream being an appropriate metaphor.

We drop more points to an ailing Hibs and slip down to 3rd. That’s only their 5th point of the season!

A week later and our very bi-polar squad swing into action to be 4-0 up at half time. Ferguson reawakening his brief form from last year.

I’m not really sure why the Rec is looking so desolate the days. We’re in a title fight and there’s clearly something better to do on a Saturday. Though I suppose the SFA Cup is now our 3rd priority,

Good to see F’Klinnaird banging the goals in. He’s maturing into a decent footballer. Less said about his dressing room nickname.

Hang about. We’ve not even done the Euro’s yet.

Well, it had to come at some point. Although such a catastrophic collapse of our defence is a surprise. The result being more lopsided than the Titanic after it’s initiated moment with an iceburg.

At least we bounce back with some respectability. Even though the 2nd goal was the games legerdemainic stantion glitch.

These double fixtures are confusing the ground staff. “It’s like Groundhog day” I jovially tell them. “Not seen one o’them for years. Usually foxes and moles tha’ cause trouble.”

With the Champions League winter break ending, these 3 points are coming in very handy and we’re back up to 2nd.

Johnston is a freebie picked up in the summer and is now worth £1.5m. Ehh???

Top of the table clash ends in another tight draw. At least we seem to know how to stifle the Rangers charge. Pack the defence and midfield. Now we need to figure out a way to score…

Which we do against a very poor Gothenburg. The tie is basically over and our non-revenge is revenged. Still, 500 less came to see a Champions League match than the standard league fare.

Distracting my attention away from the half empty stadium…

Just what we need. A replay…

The boys, still moaning at me that they’d prefer Velcro shoes than laces, aren’t paying attention when the match kicks off. They always know how to do things the hard way.

I give as many of the lads as possible a rest. Boarding the plane home, the physio sees me stretching my back. “You’ll have sciatica in the morning” he says. “No I won’t,” I retort. “I’ll have Shredded Wheat like everyone else does.” He speaks to a steward and changes his seat.

I think our adventure will come to an end in the next round.

Not soon enough as our league form is getting jilted.

On the international front, I’ve shuffled the pack and we do a respectable job of keeping up until our man advantage diminishes and the last 15 minutes are played out in neutral abandon.

Revenge again. And calving two of their lads down to boot. “The film on the submarine?” one of the boys asks.

First of all, emerging from the tunnel and seeing empty seats standing out like bucolic buboes does nothing to inspire the lads. Secondly, up to 64 minutes, we’re holding back the advancing Barcelona line to just the one goal when a slide-rule pass (antiquated expression…) carves us open like a Burns super haggis and McClair can only bring down the big Riv. He’s holding his face as McClair brought him down by the shins.

The SFA try to slay our progress on all fronts but we’re knackered. They best way to get some well earned rest? Play an extra 30 minutes for penalties. Old heads rest on experienced shoulders (or is that the other way around?) and I miss Daily scoring the winner while consulting my Bartletts.

Three games in six days but this trip to Ibrox is without seeing those bloody Rangers. Martin had a rest in the extended quarter-final and sees us through to the final.

Bloody Hell…

Glennie sees off this update banging in a double which sees us back up to 2nd.

It’s still tight at the top but if we can win our game in hand over Rangers, that should give us some breathing space for the run in.

Get your wall charts out For next week, we’re heading into Euro 2004!

Och aye for now!

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