Off Kilter – Season 9: Episode 2 | @PeterJonesPhoto

Alloa are becoming a footballing superpower under the watchful eyes of Peter Jones but as we always say (as of now), it’s one thing to win the league but can you retain it?

The sunlight, pocketed in a cloud, spilled suddenly broken across the floor of my office, through the leaves of the trees outside. My phone rang through cracked lustre. It was the SFA secretary. Answering, the earpiece emitted a sound unlike anything I’d heard before. It was as if out of the buzzing of countless children’s voices there emerged from the song of distant voices, a single high-pitched yet powerful voice that struck the ear as if demanding to penetrate deeper than into mere hearing. ““Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if me must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than to be loved,” Esme said. “Why are you quoting Machiavelli?” I asked. “He left Middlesbrough years ago,” she replied  and hung up immediately. This was a new tactic of the SFA to shatter my marrow with fear.

But after last years success, we’re not frightened of anybody. Well, maybe slightly cowed by Rangers.

When I say only Rangers…Celtic’s high flying careers has middled out of late. Maybe Knutsen has succeeded in controlling his luna orbits.

At least we’re still strong in Europe. Although that leaky defence is going to a liability at some point…


Look! Over 10,000 in a league match. Still 4,000 short of full capacity.

2-0 down after 12 minutes. Then playing 76 minutes with an extra man and we still can’t make any headway. This is not looking good for our title defence.

Walnuts and his silver wingtips give us the shake down, but we aren’t frighten of an aging shell-suited quick talker.

Five wins and a loss is a surprise as it’s felt like a struggle in this campaign. The concession of soft goals is a constant headline in the Alloa Advertiser.

This should be interesting?

Another pointless friendly. I’m not quite sure why I keep picking the same side. I guess it’s to minimise the admin of swapping players in and out. It’s all too much.

We travel down to London for the World Cup draw and this looks a tricky group.

So many matches to get through and it’s back to the slog of the league in the run up to Christmas. The thousand less who turned up must be last minute shopping in Stirling’s glassed galleries.

Judy keeps us nervous but Martin knows a land of once in a lullaby.

I’m going to start ignoring their memos from now on…

I bring Dair into the office as I’ve noticed he’s not scored for the last 5 matches. “You know what I’m thinking, Boss?” He recounts. “If I don’t score now, if I kind of saved them up and didn’t score, then I’ll be able to score after I’m dead.” I explain that maybe if I stopped paying him now, I’d be able to save up the money and pay him after he’s dead. The existentialist conundrum keeps him away from my office until the next match. Clearly this pep talk works and we send everyone off into the Alloa streets to celebrate the New Year in style.

And that?? 6 goals against 1st & 3rd!

Bazzer decides he would quite like a goal or two but it’s not enough to please my tactical eyes. He’s not pulling his weight as much as he used to.

Flannigan has moved to the advanced midfield roll and it getting a plethora of assists. Are you taking note, Bazzer?

A cup match and as it’s a lower league club, I play half of the youth team again. Martin calms things down for the last 20 minutes with an assist and a goal.

Bazzer took note of my displeasure in his recent form and clams the 3 points for us.

We’ve not even played the World Cup yet.

Celtic? Never heard of them…

Hearts…sort of vaguely remember…

It’s only really Rangers who we struggle against these days. Celtic’s power is evaporating in front of our very eyes.

Och Aye for now!

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