The Retirement Academy – Part 10: The old and the restless

Welcome back! Season 4 time here in Holland where the Retirement Academy are just starting to find their feet. Season 3 was our most successful to date and by that I mean we didn’t have to survive the playoffs. Midtable suits us but are we able to do any better in season 4?

The Pints Cup sees us in with some familiar names. Looking forward to that drawn out affair.

More importantly I’ve been extremely busy in the transfer market. I’ve got an array of sensational signings, old and young. Here’s Bebeto. Yum Yum.

Michael Laudrup! To my amazement he makes the move.

Songo’o was incredible for the Retirement Home. I hope he can continue that here at the tender age of 36.

Meanwhile Marlon actually agrees to leave for mega money.

Here’s Robbie Slater, just to keep the Quickly Kevin crew on board.

Lovely old Munoz. Backup at best.

David Platt’s regen! What a treat he’ll be.

Sadly, we’ve lost Bakero. He was really good. Luckily, we’ve signed lots of old guys as you’ve seen already.

Rudy Keur arrives as his younger replacement. I don’t know who he is but he looks decent.

The squad is absolutely packed. Let’s get the season underway.

Here’s how we start the new season

Non-league Arsenal are the ideal first opponents. Rush junior helps himself to a hat-trick.

As always there’s a random league game shoe horned in where we concede early. Urgh. We go looking for the equaliser and eventually get it through Spoonz only for the ultimate nut kicker from the Keizer. A bad loss, they’ve just come up as champions.

Enough of that – back to pints. A 4-1 win over the mobile phone company is tarnished by Betterton getting a red card when giving away a penalty. Also, Slot own goal lol.

Haarlem heat are a stubborn bunch but Micky L gets the winner. The boys serenade him with the Black Eyed Peas in the dressing room. “Pump it! LAUDRUP!” they sing, which is impressive given we’re about 6 years shy of that being released.

We throw in a poor performance at home to Telstar. A second half rally isn’t enough and it’s a good job we’re already through.

Haarlem Heat round off the pints action. They get two men sent off and we win 4-1. Can you dig it, sucka?

Confirmation of the table:

Embarrassing to not win the group on…goals scored, but whatever.

Time for the league season to begin again and Betterton has an absolute nightmare at home to Sparta. He has a 4 rating at half time but We drag ourselves back to 3-3 and despite Sparta playing the last 32 minutes with 10 men, we have nothing more to offer.

It hasn’t been a great start to the season, that’s for sure. We manage to rouse ourselves to earn a point at Roda but still end up losing. We need to find some form.

Thankfully we only have to wait four days for our next game and despite the usual defensive woes, three of the old lads are on the scoresheet to give us a much needed boost.

Back to back wins is just what the Dutch doctor ordered. Laudrup has still got it.

He returns to Amsterdam with his new side and I expect a beating. But somehow, we’ve grown a spine and defend our arses off for 90 minutes. We have chances to win it too but I can’t be mad with a point. They don’t drop many and it’s probably our most impressive result to date.

You’d think that’s us off and running as a force in Dutch football but instead we lose 3-0 at home to Groningen. Great.

Then we lose at NAC and Bebeto gets sent off. Crikey lads.

The bad news comes again as Boaty misses our next game with a fairly minor injury so in comes young Lopez Vallejo. He equalises and ends our drought but the season is not shaping up I hoped.

13th. It’s not brilliant is it? But maybe we’re just gelling, slowly. What we need is an old defensive midfielder to replace Bakero, then I can use one of the younger lads further forward. It’s a problem with the rules in that hiding 5 old lads is not that easy.

Still, there’s a loooong way to go yet this season and we’ve just got to keep trying. The young lads will develop and hopefully the old lads don’t fall off a cliff at any stage. We’ve got this…

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