What’s Your Beath? Part 24: Fowl Play

Good hello to you. Here we are again then, Cowdenbeath rubbing shoulders with Celtic and Rangers and desperately trying to win that elusive first Premier Division title. Hopefully you are as invested in this as I am…because it’s starting to annoy me. Celtic being unbeaten so far this season does not help but we’ll face them twice in this episode, so let’s ruffle some feathers.

If we’re going to hunt Celtic down we’re going to have to be almost note perfect. This, therefore, is the perfect start to the run in.

Oooh double perfect. Thank you Hearts.

How can the opponents we’ve just beaten convincingly away knock us out of the cup at our ground just over a week later?

Oh that’s right, it’s a Champing. It’s been a while.

Shock defeat graphic for us for once.

I think this is Peter Beardsley. Either way, for £1m he is mine.

Huge game at home to Celtic and one you feel we really have to win. Thanks to our front 2, we do just that and inflict their first defeat of the season.

You have to say, it was the ideal time to play them. Owen being out is one thing but all of his competent understudies too…plus Rio for an extra bonus.

We throw away some of that good work as Al Bundy equalises late on at Raith. That’s a sickener.

It means already we’re back at the top but Celtic have a game in hand. We all have 60 points!

A big win at Easter Road, especially considering our keeper gets injured after 2 minutes and I don’t pack a spare. The old “left wing back goes in goal” rule kicks in and we score a handy result.

Three months without him though, season over.

Ah yes, what we need right now is the Champions League quarter finals. We briefly lead PSG but have to settle for a draw.

Back at Tannadice where we fall behind early on only to storm back. We’ve got to keep winning.

Yes! Celtic are wobbling.

Luke Weaver was a saint for the Retirement Home, I can only hope for similar.

Falkirk equalise on 76 and I start to fear we’ll never win this damn league. Luckily everybody else believes and a late rout keeps us going.

Rangers nearly lose to Raith but TSL gets a last minute leveller. Still, they’ve dropped 2 points.

7 games from infamy.

A strange night in Paris as our reserve goalkeeper sees his hands fall off at half time. When we go 2-1 up on the night I think we’ve cracked it but then he concedes every shot he faces, including three from unremarkable substitute Dubovski.Maybe next year.

From stranger to stranger, we win 8-3 away at Airdrie. Fotiadis gets 5 in the absence of Pavlov, who is banned for yellow card accumulation.

Celtic are frustrated again in Falkirk. It’s all coming together.

If we can just not lose to Rangers we’re on the home stretch. For 85 minutes, I really believe we could do it. Then Steffen bloody Iversen scores from a corner and the race is back in the melting pot.

Oh that’s just what we need.

Have we blown it? Well, we could be third if Celtic win their game in hand. We still have to go to Celtic Park whilst Rangers vs Celtic is next. They can’t both win…

Right, that’s put a spanner in the works. I hate going to Tynecastle and we’re soon 2-0 down. We get it back to 2-2 but it’s not really enough.

Ironically we get the result we wanted in Glasgow…if only we could look after ourselves.

Celtic face a tricky trip to Hibs for their game in hand but they win.

We steady our ship with a win over Partick Thistle.

It looks like Celtic will drop more points but no, Fowler scores deep into added time. Sickening.

We do at least beat Raith, our greatest friends. Rangers keep winning though, so it’s all in vain.

We head to Celtic Park knowing we need to win if we want to at least play Champions League football next season. Amazingly, despite multiple attempts under less pressure previously, we pull off a 1-0 win. Phew.

If we can better Rangers’ result on the last day, we are champions.

We labour to a win over Hibs. Their 10 men defended like they were in the blue of Rangers.

All eyes on Ibrox where Rangers host 9th placed Airdire. Honestly, we would be better off relying on Deirdre Rachid. Just 1-0 is enough.

Ha, Beaver. Cheers Raith, we’ll pour one out for you tonight.

We won more games and scored more goals but it is second again. AGAIN.

It’s infuriating. Rangers lost the cup final to Hearts though, which is funny, though they did win the Cup Winners Cup. PSG won the Champions League…we had them on the ropes after an hour of the second leg.

Pavlov had 16 assists alongside his 38 goals. Naglestad added 23 assists, he was an incredible find at £73k and has now been capped by Norway.

If you’d all just been very slightly better…Luke Weaver didn’t impress so we stuck with Guy Stephen in Freestone’s absence.

Nobody is overly keen on signing for us so I’ll sign my own Fowler…to play centre back.

England (and therefore Wes Brown) are World Cup winners! Brown remains uncapped but in the squad.

We finish with the Awards, of which I win none but at least Pavdog outscored everybody. Some patheitc efforts lower down the pyramid it has to be said. I wonder who Kujtim Baksa is?

Harold Lozano’s work permit has expired, which is a huge shame but he’s 34 and will soon be released. His contribution to our rise will not be forgotten. Anyway, that rounds off another crazy season where we still can’t win the Scottish Premier Division. Join me next week where we set about trying to find a way to break our duck whilst rubbing shoulders with Europe’s elite once again.

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