Great Heathen Army – part 19: One Step Closer | @goatnmcl

Góðan Dag my heathen friends and Velkomin to the fourth and final installment of our fifth season. We left you last time 14 points clear of second place Beorma’s Ham, although Estone were making their way up the table and had 2 games in hand – which if they win, the gap would be just 10 points.

First up this week we face Deoraby at Pride Park. Ivar gives us a dream start by scoring in the 3rd min to put us in the lead. We have a penalty shout in the 6th min but the ref waves play on. Molnar does get our second in the 15th before Dailly goes off injured for the home side in the 26th. Leonhardsen makes the game safe in the 74th and Haaland is colossal in keeping Derby at bay.

Deadline day approaches and we sell keeper Hollund to Ceasterfeld for £650k and finally get our man for a measley £400k…..

We entertain Ligeraceater next in the league. Once again we lead early thanks to unlikely scorer Rieper heading in from a corner in the first minute. CBA gets a chance to double our lead from the spot in the 29th and duly delivers. We’re cruising when Haaland gives Leicester a way back into the game when he fires it past Jung with an awful backpass. Lambert completes the comeback for the visitors in the 75th and it feels like we’ve snatched a draw from the jaws of victory.

We sail to the continent to take on Real Madrid in the 1st leg of our Champions League semi final. Raul scores in the 15th minute but thankfully it gets disallowed. Unfortunately it doesn’t last long as Amavisca does put the home side in front in the 22nd. Witschge doubles it in the 62nd and I need the boys to step up. Raul finally gets his goal in the 75th min and we’re now facing an uphill battle. We were shite and didn’t even manage a shot on target.

Time to make amends and hopefully take a step closer to winning the title when we sail back to the southern port town of Sutton. Neset opens his account in the 15th min & TSL fires in a rocket of a free kick in the 38th. Neset grabs his second in the 40th min and it’s a dream first half. Honour gets one back for Plymouth just after the hour mark and Wordsworth makes us twitchy by getting their third in the 71st. Thankfully TSL stands over another free kick 5 mins later and smashes it in to make it 4.

Cofantreo make their way up to southern Northumbria to feel the wrath of our strikeforce. An uneventful first half sees us enter the break at 0-0. Neset gets his third in 3 games since joining in the 52nd minute and it turns out to be the winner.

(Estone have beaten Celchyth 6-2 and beat Beorma’s Ham last week too – which is keeping it interesting).

Just 2 day’s later and we’re facing 4th placed Liuerpul at Anfield. We’re forced to make changes as TSL, Liisberg & Haaland are knackered. Gudjonsson opens the scoring for the home side in the 24th min and neither team really threaten for the remainder of the half. Brandal restores parity shortly after the re-start but that just seems to kick Liverpool into action and they pepper our goal. The man (from) Della Morte puts them back in front in the 66th min and we’ve Jung to thank for keeping us in the game.

Wow, our 3rd game in 5 days see’s the return leg of the Champions League Semi Final and somehow we’ve got a 3 goal deficit to overturn with a shattered squad. I’ve no choice but to pretty much start our second string barring the three that sat out the Liverpool game. Ivar loves these European adventures and fires us in front in the 7th minute. Leonhardsen gets our second just after the half hour mark…. could we do it? Big Ronny Johnsen completes the comeback in the 80th min after the longest goalmouth scramble I think I’ve ever witnessed to take it into extra time. With tired legs we struggle to push for that winner and we have to settle for the lottery of penalties. All 4 opening penalties are scored, Guardiola fluffs his lines and Molnar scores to give us the advantage. Witschge scores as does TSL……Mijatovic steps up and…..balloons it over the bar!!! We’re back in the final and get to defend our crown!

It’s all big games at this stage of the season and it’s now third placed Beorma’s Ham who travel to the town formally known as Eoforwic. CBA strikes to give us the lead in the 32nd min in an even first half. Birmingham come back strong in the second half but we stand firm and its another 1-0 win for the boring boring Jorvik! A murmer soon rises to shouts of exuberance in the stands as the final scores are coming in by pigeon and Estone have been held to a 1-1 draw with Monkceaster, which means we can’t now be caught and we’ve won the league!

We make the short trip up the coast and the Wear to take on Monkwearmouth. George gets us up and running and we’re controlling the game comfortably…until Clarke breaks through against the run of play and equalises right on the stroke of half time. Plenty of chances for both sides to take the win and 3 points but both keepers are in decent nick, and the strikers aren’t!

We host Celchyth in our penultimate game of the league season. I swap out our tired front 4 and it pays dividends as we’re 2-0 up after 23 minutes thanks to Molnar and Brandal. An entertaining second half sees plenty of chances for both sides and a goal-a-piece as Lambourde get’s one back for Chelsea in the 80th and Molnar getting his second just 2 mins later.

Neset has hit the ground running since joining and I’m really looking forward to having him for a full season with CBA, George and Liisberg (M Laudrup Jnr) as a front 4. He scores his 4th & 5th goals for us to give us a commanding lead. Jung brings down Reyes (who I think is Zamorano) and Rudi dispatches the penalty. Sheffield press for the equaliser but Jung makes up for conceding the spot kick by putting in a MoM performance.

I forgot to take a photo of the league table and rushed through the end of season to see what regens were knocking about, so you’ll have to make do with the competition history as confirmation of our win.

We sail across the North Sea to Germany and the Olympiastadion to face Ajax in the Champions League Final. After a cagey opening to the game, gorgeous George gives us the lead in the 26th minute. Ajax come straight back at us and equalise just 10 mins later when a dangerous cross is put into the box, causing a mix up between Rieper and Jung and the ball ends up in the back of the net. There’s chances for both teams in a real end to end match and 10 mins after the re-start, George puts us back in front to the delight of the heathen crowd. Ajax have no answer and we retain our crown as Champions of Europe!!!

Just to make it official….

Haaland has been a revelation for us in that defensive midfielder spot and is definitely one of the reasons we’ve made that next step up. Jung and Johnsen also making the difference in us being more solid in defence. Brandal waded in with some really important goals but I’m resigned to losing him in a couple of weeks as I cant afford his wage demands. CBA raced to 20 goals in the first half of the season but had a really poor second half of the season and finished with 25. Lund and Haknornarson’s goals have all come from loan spells.

I’m kind of gutted to be honest…

So much so that I’ve re-signed him, beating Liverpool for the first time this season.

We’ve done the double but only yours truly made the end of season rewards. Brian Laudrup (who I took off my shortlist in the hope he’d retire) joined Derby after the season ended, takes home the PFA player of the year award without actually playing a game! 40 goals for Yorke is obviously why Villa ended up running us close for a while.

We’ve won a quadruple of sorts as we brought home the League Trophy, the Champions League Trophy and won both the European Super Cup and World Club Cup.

So we’re one step closer to achieving our aim, which is to conquer all of England by winning the Premier League and both domestic cups. We’ve won the league so next season will be a real push to win those elusive cups.

Join us next week as we look to bring in a regen or two along with another decent goalie to keep Jung on his toes.

Until then, Morna!

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