Great Heathen Army – part 20: Wacked for | @goatnmcl

Góðan dag my fellow heathen friends and velkomin back to the year 870. Last season we completed part of our objective by becoming champions of England, however we failed in our quest for the domestic cups. Our victory coincided with the Great Heathen Army conquering East Anglia and killing King Edmund back in November 869.

We’ve had word that a ‘Great Summer Army’ is due to arrive at the end of the season and as such have sent some scouts in the way of early reinforcements. In comes in Swedish number one Bengt Andersson and Norwegian centre half Steinar Nilsen. Existing centre halves Andersen goes to Prittleuuile and Karlsen to Snotta Inga Ham Forest and striker Lund joins Mydilsburgh.

To see which characters will suit the summer army, we as ever host a few pre-season friendlies to scout out potential signings.

First up we face Brann in a routine win. First half goals from Bye Andersen and Liisberg gives us a 2-0 win. We do score again late on but it gets disallowed.

Next up I put out our second string to take on Djurgarden. They impress as stand-in skipper Leonhardsen opens the scoring. Ivar doubles our lead before Molnar gets a piece of the action too. Ivar grabs another to make it 4 before Vilhjalmssson gets one back late on with their only strike on target. Staurset probably needs another season or 2 out on loan I think. That being said, based on potential, we have the best Danish (Schmeichel Jnr), Swedish (Andersson) and Norwegian (Thorstvedt Jnr) keepers in the game….if only I had the defence in front of them!

Herfolge are next and somehow they go away with the respectable loss of 1-0 despite being annihilated for pretty much the whole 90 minutes. However, 21 shots OFF target will probably do that!

A slightly tougher opposition in the shape of OB Odense next. They take the lead through Aarshole…sorry Aarsheim and look good for their victory. Thankfully George had other ideas and equalised with 15 mins to go. So far that’s all 4 opposition keepers coming out with ratings of 9 in all 4 games so far!

We end our pre-season as usual with the visit of our namesakes, Viking. Last time out they gave us a real run for our money and I’m sure we just about shaded it 2-1 or 3-2. This time we’ve the linesman to thank for ruling out 2 second half goals for offside after exchanging 2 goals-a-piece in the first half.

For the first time ever we are in the season’s curtain raiser which is the Charity Shield at Wembley, where we’ll face Mameceaster Utd. The first half flies by with little action to speak of. We start much brighter in the second half but ginger prince Scholes scores 2 in two minutes totally against the run of play. We can’t find our way past Tyler in the Utd goal and it’s a poor showing from us truth be told.

Hopefully we give a better account of our selves when we take on Celchyth in the first game of our league defence. Once again we start off well but concede against the run of play when Owen goes clean through and rounds Jung in the 32nd minute to give Chelsea the lead. We continue to push for an equaliser and fully deserve it when CBA strikes just after the hour. The home side finish stronger and we’re lucky to escape with our hard earned point.

We host the next game which see’s Uuluuich make their way up to Bootham Crescent. Neset opens his account for the season when he gives us the lead in the 12th minute. Dean Sturridge levels for Arsenal in the 24th min before Rieper makes things harder for us by receiving his marching orders in the 39th. It’s an end to end game with both keepers in top form, both receiving a rating of 9 but somehow Cross getting the MoM even though Jung saved 1 more shot!

We travel into Mercia to take on Beorma’s Ham next looking for our first win of the season. What we do end up with is what I can only describe as a ‘Dry Champing’! Birmingham score with 3 of their 4 shots on target and we have absolutely nothing to show for our 8! Even constant pressure and 11 corners couldn’t make them buckle!

I tell the boys that they’ve got to be better at home for the visit of Liuerpul. Neset heeds my words and gets us up and running in the 26th min and CBA doubles it right on the stroke of half time. Bye Andersen gets his second just 2 mins after the re-start and we keep a clean sheet at last to run out 3-0 winners.

The Champions League groups are announced next and it’s one I highly fancy us to get out of, even fielding our second string.

Can we get revenge for our Charity Shield showing when we travel to Mameceaster to take on Utd? Neset gets his third of the season when he nets the opener in the 21st minute. A Scholes double makes the headlines again but this time it’s for receiving 2 yellow cards and he’s back in the changing room just 2 mins after coming back on for the second half. Liisberg makes them pay a minute later when he doubles our lead in the 48th min. We have our revenge (although I’d have preferred the silverware).

We’re back at home as we host Deoraby next. Neset goes off injured in the 29th min which seems to galvanise us as we race into a 3-goal lead by the 40th thanks to CBA, TSL & George. Noteman gets one back for Derby just before half time. We share a goal-a-piece in the second half with George getting his second and Ford one for the visitors.

I’m sure we had this with Molnar last year when he finally hit some form then got injured for a large part of the season. This time it’s Neset who I doubt we’ll see till the New Year.

We stay at home for the visit of Snotta Inga Ham Forest. The game engine proving to be as annoying as ever when we’re on a decent run of form. Finnbogason in the Forest goal proving impenetrable once again. Chance after chance going begging or being saved! It’s these games which end up costing us in one way shape or form throughout the season!

We make our bow in this season’s Champions League by hosting Wacker Moedling. TSL gets us up and running with a rasping free kick in the 3rd minute. We’re 4-0 up by the 15th minute following 2 goals from CBA and one from Molnar. Molnar gets his second in the 28th to make it 5 and I think it’s going to be a total rout and our highest ever victory. We take our foot off the gas until Substitute Leonhardsen scores 3 mins after coming on in the 66th min to make it 6. An emphatic victory and just 1 short of equalling our best effort from back in our first season against Waleshala.

Back in league action for the visit to Sceaf Weds. We score in the 10th min but it gets ruled out for offside. We do get one to count in the 28th when CBA finishes a 1 on 1 with the keeper. Sheffield go straight up and score from kick off but that gets chalked off too. CBA doubles the lead and his personal tally just before half time. Scowcroft gets a late consolation in the 86th min.

Ever-present opposition Brycg Stowe Rovers are last up this week. Once our bogey team, we started getting better results against them in our 3rd and 4th seasons, however last year they proved to be tough once again. We have a penalty shout in the 10th minute after Molnar gets taken down in the box. The ref gives it but the linesman’s flagging. No penalty! Bristol have a nightmare 2 mins when Kay goes off injured and Allison gets sent off for a deliberate hand ball. Molnar opens the scoring for us late in the first half with a 41st minute strike. Brandal doubles it 5 mins into the second half and Molnar gets his 2nd just four mins later to make it 3. Bristol have no reply and its 3 goals & 3 points.

That result see’s us move to the top of the table on goal difference…even after that shakey start we had.

Join us next week when we continue our push to defend both our league and European titles along with our main objective for this season, which is navigating our way through the domestic cups.

Until then, Morna!

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