Brits Abroad – Part 12: Total Recall

Good morning to you from probably sunny Portugal! We’ve totally transformed Benfica into a British winning machine. A contradiction in terms, perhaps, but when Kevin Gallen is scoring for fun and we’re top of the league, what’s not to love? Let’s see how the season plays out.

The good thing about this league is that the majority of home games are a proverbial walk in the park. Tomlinson tests that theory by needlessly elbowing some poor soul in the face after Le Tissier seals the points. Silly GT.

A bit of a stumble at Leca who deserve their point. I rotated some of the players knowing our next game was a ridiculous two days later.

Taca time and Porto might be off the pace in the league but as long as Jardel is playing, they have a real threat. The stupid rule in this cup is that we play extra time and then it has to go to a replay. Opportunity missed.

The replay is 8 days later and we come out on the wrong side of a five goal thriller. That’s annoying.

Back to business and Maritimo are of little threat to the Brits.

Bridges is in great form, who does he think he is, Kevin Gallen?

The Champions League returns to the calendar and we’re off to Turin. We’re absolutely superb and take a two goal lead, the away goals can be vital still back in the day. Inzaghi pulls one back to ensure a nervy night in Portugal in two weeks.

Richard Rufus is incredible.

Domestic matters see us defeat Academica. The title will be ours before long.

The England squad is bursting with Benfica’s finest.

Espinho sounds like a player more than a team but either way, they concede four to the juggernaut

Juventus are brushed aside. Into the last 4 we go.

Hmm not sure who I want here

That’ll do, I suppose.

Hoddle’s England continue to thrive with so many of my finest players failing to beat Mark Crossley.

Now it’s time for least likely transfer of the week.

Back to the grind and we extract revenge on Porto for daring to knock us out of the cup. Bridges & Gallen should be England’s starting duo.

Champions League time is here again and we’re all feeling happy when Happe is sent off. I’d expect us to go on to win with a man advantage but instead the exact opposite happens and we get taught a bit of a lesson. Khan was good but not overly exerted and we’ve now got a mountain to climb.

A tricky week is rounded off away at Sporting where that deadly duo strike again. It’s one of our biggest games of the season but the perfect performance in many ways puts us on the brink of the title.

15 points ahead with 18 to play for.

One step closer with an exciting win over Braga. We love life.

Glenn Hoddle can’t enjoy being in his job. He’s recalled Matt Le Tissier. Just let that sink in.

Right, time to try and beat Bayern by three clear goals. I think a statue of Kevin Gallen would be very well received. The honourable JC gets us on the way before KG and the sunshine band works his magic. We’re going to the final!

Where we will face Ajax. It’s in Manchester, so practically a home game.

Oh lord there’ll be no Gallen. Or captain Southgate. Or…Martin Lauchlan.

The league is secured with a point at Chaves. Not an exciting game but a point was all we needed.


4 games to spare.

A rip roaring night at Wembley as England again leave out the dynamic duo and pummel two past 9 man Moldova.

Back to league time and we can rotate the squad with nothing to play for.

So the fun continues…

Back to form in time for the big one. Southgate’s season is over but he’s banned for the final anyway.

To Manchester then. Here’s how the teams line up…

Minto returned from his long term injury just in time to play left wing back, with Lauchlan banned and Glass cuptied. Tomlinson got the nod with Gallen out but an extra striing option in the summer is a must. Anyway, Michael Bridges will also need a statue as his double ultimately took us to Champions League glory. We did it!

To celebrate, everybody is in the England squad.

Ah yes, one more league game. The usual lads score, we win, yes that is Alex Calvo-Garcia of Scunthorpe fame.

The good news is, Richard Rufus got man of the match. The bad news is that England conceded four and their World Cup hopes are basically over.

Bridges gets his debut and a goal in the Faroes. So it’s not all bad news.

Awards time and Gallen is the man for the journos

The obvious choice here.

A summary for those keeping score. We got the fair play award!

45 in 48…that England cap must be coming.

Not a bad effort from Bridges either, he got his cap at least.

Tricky Trev with 19 was a good effort too.

What’s Richard Rufus doing getting 7 assists?

So many top performers, it’s a hard lineup to get into.

The only question is, do I believe I am the man to bring Andy Cole back to form? His off the ball and pace stats are perfect. 2 goals in 32 games is not.

Join me next week to see if we can recruit yet more Brits to win the World Club Cup. Byeee

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