Welcome back to Lamas FC! At the midway point of a crucial season where promotion is a must, we currently sit in sixth place. Our recent adoption of an AI-inspired defensive 4-1-4-1 formation has brought about significant success. Goalkeeper Peter Rufai has been amassing clean sheets lately, stacking them up like a laundry!

But we start this week’s update with a dull defeat at home. A pretty even match, but we simply didn’t take our chances.

It’s back-to-back 2-0 defeats, as lowly Leca take us out in another dull affair. Worrying turn of form, and a tinker in midfield didn’t change a thing.

The Lamas suffer a third consecutive blow with yet another home defeat against Maia. Concern arises as last season’s prolific goal scorer, Tilico, seems to be struggling, netting just five goals this term. Backup striker Lopes is even less effective, with only two goals to his name. Perhaps it’s time to consider introducing a new forward into the mix. It might seem futile in this defensive setup, but we require more from our primary striker.

We secure a valuable point in an away fixture against the grandly named Castel DelBranco. Interestingly, it appears that the rumours of Tilico’s decline have motivated him, as our primary striker delivers a standout performance, earning the Man of the Match accolade.

As a precautionary measure, we’ve opted to bring in Mauritania international Willy Vincent to bolster our attacking lineup. Such is the reality of managing in the Portuguese second division! At €300 per week, it’s a calculated risk—one that we can somewhat afford to take.

The AI graphics department head to Mauritania for the signing photo….

Tilico responds to the competition again, and it’s a surprise win against second placed Alverca. Even a red card couldn’t stop us!

Almost 4,000 show up to the Comendador’s stadium to see us take on the league leaders. They’re simply too good for us, and 1-0 is quite flattering. Tilico and Willy get 45mins up front together in a 4-4-2, but to no avail.

Gil Vicente, presumably Pacos Ferreira’s doubles partner, hands us our next tepid loss.

It’s time for some long ball action, Diogo and Miguel are desperate and ready to channel their inner Allardyce…

The first game playing Allardyceball is dismal, so we try switching back to THE formation. A 5-0 win and a Big Willy Vincent hat trick. Have we struck gold?!

We then score five again, that’s ten goals in two games. We’ll have capacity crowds at the Comendador’s stadium at this rate!

Away at mid-table opposition we hit five again! Lump it up and let ‘em have it, that’s Miguel’s new motto! With six games to go we’re still ten points outside the promotion spots but keep going like this and there’s a chance!

The run continues and we close the gap to seven points. Incredible form!

Penafiel run us close, but a late Willy winner gets the job done. Those around us are faltering, we close the gap to just five points with four games to go. Vamos Lamas!

We batter Marinhense in all but scoreline. A disappointing 1-1 draw probably ends our chance at a promotion spot.

Diogo picks up the MOTM award after this incredible recent run. Miguel must be credited too for his long ball decision, but the Portuguese FA still don’t trust the AI guy.

A draw away at 3^rd place Uniao means it’s all over and we won’t go up. But what a recent effort to do so! Diogo and Miguel are crushed, but with another year on their contract they’ll rally over the summer.

It’s five again in our penultimate game. Mauritanian Magician Vincent gets the match ball, plus one more goal for good measure.

The season finishes with a cracker of a game at Aves. The man, the myth, the legend Tilico scores a late winner to take the three points.

We finish the season just three points from promotion in 4^th place. Long ball is here to stay at Lamas, as we end up the division’s highest scorers.

That man Tilico finishes top of the assist charts. He has an astounding 81 goal contributions in 73 games. Miguel is considering commissioning another statue!

Our Russian international Tetradze never really found his feet at Lamas, and we let him go for a pittance. The club is nearly £1m in debt, Miguel has no chance of a Durie or Burton signing any time soon, so every penny counts.

Backup CDM Amaro leaves for 140k. We’ll need a replacement there.

Miguel is in dreamland!

Lord knows how we’ll spend the cash given no one wants to come to us, but Miguel will have fun trying!

The summer refresh cuts some serious holes into our squad depth. Backup winger Braima leaves on a free, backup keeper Silvino retires, and the unthinkable happens. Club Captain Pinto retires. The man reinvigorated by our long ball style, the beating heart of our midfield and our club, is gone.

Miguel commissions a Pinto bust for our office, he’s devastated.

It’s hideous, but Diogo doesn’t have the heart to tell him.

Come back next week to see how we spend £2m of cork money, and finally get this team promoted (hopefully!).