A tale of cigarettes, grappa, time travel and hopefully goals
Season 3 – 1998/99
Dario Jnr and Dario Snr have agreed that, based on the fact no other clubs made an approach for the little Bisonte’s services, he will stay at Venezia for the time being. Unfortunately, Venezia’s managerial team have run the club into the ground and therefore can only afford to recruit from the free transfer market. Gio Stroppa has a few Italian caps to his name, but the rest are all young lads, with hopefully a bit of potential.
Venezia draw Swiss side FC Sion in the UEFA Cup first round and the season gets off to a fine start for Dario and chums.
It’s two in two for Jnr, he even has time to get some chocolates, well, chocolate liqueurs , from the airport for his agent/father/twin/mentor. The £250,000 prize money is lost in the ever-increasing club debt.
After an away win in the Coppa Italia where de Souza scores a hat-trick from midfield, Dazza gets on the score sheet in the first league game of the season, a disappointing draw with Cagliari.
The little Bison fails to score in the following two league matches, an away draw with Bobby Baggio’s Bologna and fantastic 4-0 home win against Parma. It’s probably because he wasted all his goals in a pointless 6-0 for Italy U21’s against Moldova U21s. He doesn’t get any bonuses for International goals so it is a real waste of effort, something Poppa Bison doesn’t fail to point out.
Thanks to his penalty duties he is back earning some ciggies and shots in the UEFA Cup 2nd round win against Villa.
It’s just past mid-September and his early season form, four goals in seven games, is finally starting to generate some interest from other clubs, clubs that might actually be better than Venezia.
Another penalty, another goal, another win and another shot, the Tatanka train is running hot.
After a home draw against Udinese, in which strike partner Savi gets a goal, Dazzy Jnr earns himself a bottle of Grappa, scoring a second half hat-trick.
Venezia end September by booking their place in the UEFA Cup 3rd round after a 3-3 away draw with Villa. They follow this up in early October with a 5-0 demolition of AC Milan, there are five different goal scorers, including The ‘Hubster’ and a young Welshman by the name of Willams who is, in a strange way, related to Ian Rush.
This Venezia side have turned into the entertainers of Italian football, and after seven league games they are top of the pile, it’s quite an amazing story for a club nearly £2 million in debt.
It was all going so well for little Venezia, and then it happens, after nine goals for his club and two unnecessary hat-tricks for the U21’s Juve have seen enough, they table a bit for the young Bison.
Three games go by in the time it takes Big Dazza, Little Dazza and Venezia to make a decision about the future. Bisonte scores his final goal for Venezia in a 3-3 draw with soon to be arch rivals Torino. The other two games are a loss against Lazio and a 3rd round first leg UEFA Cup win against Inter Bratislava.
It’s hard for the Dario’s to say goodbye, their time with Venezia was longer and more exciting than expected, but when the Old Lady comes calling and your club are in some serious debt, this deal was always going to be made, after some tough negotiations.
The little Bison tells the big Bison, I need a better contract, now that I’m a star. The big Bison points out that being an U21 star isn’t really like being a proper star so he can’t ask for any more money than is already on offer. The little Bison says, “money, I don’t care about money. I’m talking grappa and cigarettes. “Oh” say the Big Bison, well in that case, how about this?
- One grappa shot per goal, plus a double up bonus if you score two or more in one game. So, two goals in a game earns two shots plus the double up bonus of two more, which is four (maths).
- You need to smoke less so it’s just two cigarettes per goal, no bonus here, lets keep those lungs healthy.
- A win bonus of two shots and a cigarette.
- A hat-trick bonus of one bottle and one 20 pack.
The little Bison decides this sounds reasonable, after all the big Bison had to, and still has to, buy his own cigarettes and alcohol.
With all that sorted out Tatanka makes his debut away to Udinese, and it couldn’t really have gone much better.
It’s a good thing that his debut goes well because the next five games are nothing to write home about. The team win four out of five, Fiorentina in the Coppa Italia 3rd round, as well as Milan, Torino and Verona in the league, all 1-0. The only loss is against Real Madrid in the Champions League groups stages. Dario goes close to a month without a goal, thank goodness for his win bonuses.
When he finally gets back on the score sheet it is in a 1-2 loss to Lazio.
Little D can’t play in the Champions League groups stages, fortunately Mario Lemme (who’ he) scores a brace and Juve win 5-1 away to secure their place in the quarter finals. Juve’s recruitment policy (pre Hubbs) has been shocking. Along with Mario Lemme they have an aging Oliver Bierhoff and Stephen Guivarch.
After his little drought Tatanka makes it three goals in three appearances, scoring in consecutive 3-1 wins. A few more fags and shots to add to the tally, along with three points. The other match is a first leg Coppa Italia quarter final win. Pappa Bison did question Bubba Bison’s availability for the Coppa Italia game, recalling that he played for Venezia in the 2nd round. Juve said they had it cover and not to worry.
Despite losing the second leg away to Cagliari Juve progress 4-3 on aggregate. This match is sandwiched between two disappointing league games for D Jnr and the team. A 0-1 loss to Dario’s old club Venezia and a 1-1 draw with Perugia.
Fortunately, the Bison is back in the goals at home to Chievo, his brace earning him his first bonus bonus! Two grappa’s for the goals, plus two more for the double down bonus and a further two for a team win makes six shots for 90 minutes work.
The two goals against Chievo are followed by another two goals. The first in a one sided win against Fiorentina and the other in an absolute humdinger against Inter. Both Dario’s could be seen smoking and drinking in the stands with the fans after the final whistle. Little Bisonte even shared a grappa with Mario Lemme.
Hubs was in the stands once again two days later, watching Zidane and new BFF Mario Lemme putting three more past Inter to help Juve win the European Super Cup. Dazza can’t count this as a trophy, but it does mean that he is at a trophy winning club.
As transfer deadline day looms, Dario Snr decides that he needs to get back into the action. He lobbies the Juve board for a position as chief of player recruitment, after all, he’s from the future so he should know a thing or two. He also makes the compelling argument that anyone he buys, couldn’t be worse than signing Stephane Guivarch. The Juve board give in and after some late January wheeling and dealing Darios Snr signs off on a total spend of £16 million. Bringing in four players, who should hopefully provide a bit of strength and depth.
The transfer deadline day spending pays off. A 2-0 victory against Napoli is followed by the thumping of Verona in the first leg of the Coppa Italia. Tatanka and Fowler hitting it off as a strike partnership.
Two wins brings three and despite putting five past Roma Hubs doesn’t get on the score sheet, Fowler, Denilson and Del Piero with the goals. Three games to forget follow the win in Rome, despite losing to Verona Juve progress to the final of the Coppa Italia, the little Bison will get to play in his first cup final at 18.
After four games without a goal and three without a win for the team Juve and Hubs are smiling again after a strong victory at home to Parma.
A good win 2-0 against Benfica in the Champions league quarter final first leg is followed by two disappointing draws against Bari and Udinese, in which Dario is very quiet. A small positive during this dry period is Man Utd blowing a few million to take Stephane G off our hands.
A few more games go by, another 2-0 win against Beneficial means Juve are in the semi-final of the Champions League. That is followed by a 4-0 win against Chievo but again mini Bisonte is missing from the score sheet. All in not lost for Dazza though, as he does manage to score another pointless U21 hat-trick against lofty opponents, Georgie.
I take all the sarcasm back a few days later, Tatanka scores an 85th minute winner against AC Milan, it was one of those goals that has you waving your arms in the air and silent screaming in delight.
One goal brings two, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. The Champions League Semi-final, at home to the proud owners of Stephane Guivarch. Dazza Jnr shows Guivi what it’s all about, one foot in the final?
The thrilling three are all on the score sheet once again as Juve thrash Lazio. Fowler, Del Piero and Hubner, attacking trios don’t come more eclectically matched than that.
Robbie is cup tied in the Champions League but it doesn’t matter, two early away goals put the tie beyond doubt, Dazza and Delli P firing home again. Nobody questioned the Dario’s when they upped and moved from Venezia to Juve, why would you, but it all seems to be going right for them so far. Champions League Final here they come.
After making the Champions League final Juve only need one more win to wrap up Serie A, it comes away against Sampdoria, however, Bisonte is not on the score sheet. Little Dario’s first piece of silverware is in the bank. He has only just turned 19.
That just leaves the small matter of two cup finals. The Coppa Italia first, local rivals Torino are the opponents. The first leg goes perfectly Dazzy H and Delli P are on fire, scoring four goals between them, another foot in the door situation?
In the second leg ……………
What the actual f*ck happened here!
I have no words, crazy goings on in the Coppa Italia!
Juve will need to make up for it in the Champions League Final, after all, it’s being played at their home stadium.
This score line flattered Juve, absolute dross. I’ve played this game for a while now and I’ve never seen a team have so many ratings of 5 in a game. The most anticlimactic season finale since Lost.
The customary season stats, the fact that I didn’t really play Fonseca and he still has the most assists is worrying.
Dario Jnr scored 26 in total, but 10 were for Venezia, it’s not great considering Delli P was out for 3 months, the young Bison must do better. He needs to stop scoring hat tricks for the U21s and get more goals where they matter.
Here is the Dario tracker to sign off. I’ll be honest, I tried to be accurate with the cigarettes and grappa totals but at some point, it all got away from me. I will try to do better in season four, much like Juve in cup finals.
