13:30 It’s been quite the season for Darlington. In the last 10 days alone they’ve won the UEFA Cup and qualified for the Champions League. How can you top that? Welcome to the FA Cup final.

13:40 Of course it’s not all about Darlington today. Derby County have one FA Cup to their name, but that was back in 1946. Darlington are new to winning honours and the UEFA Cup 10 days ago was their first major honour. Derby, under the management of Joe Kinnear, have just enjoyed their first season back in the Premier League, finishing a more than respectable 7th. We’ll have the team news in around 20 minutes

13:45 Amazingly, we’re about to have the 8th different winner in 8 years

Few will have forgotten the huge shock Southport caused in 2003, whilst Palace’s performance in 2000 cannot be underestimated. You’d have to say, Darlington are favourites today but it wouldn’t be a shock on the scale of those two if Derby prevailed.

13:55 By my calculations, Derby are guaranteed to be in the Cup Winners Cup, as even if they lose today, Darlington have already secured a Champions League spot. Joe Kinnear’s men can look forward to a European tour next season

14:00 TEAM NEWS

The two squads arrived at Wembley a little while ago but there were few clues to the starting 11’s. However, the team sheets are in…

Glen Costello is suspended for Darlington after his red card at Barnsley back on 30th April. Steven Haslam comes back into the side in place of the Irishman. Young midfielder Dave Oakes is back on the bench after 6 months out with a spinal injury.

Darlington: Carlos Germano, Sansome, Page (c), Haslam, Wellens, McGivern, Bose, Ayew, Eadie, Olivero, Owen. Subs: Guilherme, Diana, Hughes, Txutxi, Oakes.

Key forward Keith Crawford is missing through suspension for Derby, so Dean Sturridge is recalled as the central striker in Derby’s 4-3-3 formation. Right back Stephen Carr is also banned, so Swede Daniel Wiberg drops back to right back with Howard George coming into midfield.

Derby: Roberts, Wiberg, Brownrigg, Howard, Candela, George, Casey, Wright, Allen, Sturridge, Johnston. Subs: Carragher, Newell, Mayo, McCulloch, Fragliasso.

14:10 So, who do you fancy now you’ve seen the teams? Darlington certainly have the better players but Kinnear’s direct 4-3-3 could well pose Darlington some issues.

14:20 Here’s what both managers have had to say…

Darlington manager David Black:

It’s been a long old season, most of the first team have played more than 50 games but when you’re winning, you don’t care, you just can’t wait for the next game. It’s been a fantastic month but the lads have had to hold off on the celebration – get the job done today and there’ll be some sore heads in the morning!

Derby manager Joe Kinnear:

When I discovered Darlington back in 1971, I always said they’d go on to win big. The lad Ayew in midfield, I gave him his debut years ago and I don’t care what you say, I had a huge part in his career. we’ll be physical and try and f*ck them up from the outset today, the Wimbledon way. I mean Derby.

14:30 Joe Kinnear isn’t shy, is he? Here’s our view of who the star men could be today.

Michael Owen – What more can you say about this lad? Next summer the 2006 World Cup will be held in England and Owen seems determined to earn a place in Glenn Hoddle’s team, having been in the last few squads without getting on the pitch and receiving his last cap almost 3 years ago. 33 goals and 18 assists in 56 games is a mighty return – the top scorer in the country.

Dean Sturridge – Sturridge is 31 now but after firing Derby back into the league, he gets his big chance today in the absence of Crawford. With only 6 goals this season, there won’t be many more opportunities like this for the big man – though on the flipside, we hear he has a nephew who will go right to the top.

Manga Ayew – The man from Chad is the man who makes Darlington tick. From central midfield, Ayew will burst forward and cause the opposition all sorts of problems not only with his feet, but he’s very good in the air too. 13 goals this season is testament to his threat.

Ben Roberts – The former Middlesbrough goalkeeper is in the form of his life, getting an unbelievable 19 man of the match awards. You feel Roberts has to be at his absolute best today if Derby are to leave Wembley with the trophy.

14:40 Twenty minutes to go! Wembley is filling up nicely. The players have left the surface, the warm-ups are done.

14:50 Here they come! The two sides are led out by their managers onto the Wembley pitch. Both ends of the stadium are black and white, such are the colours of the two teams, but both are making enough noise to bring some colour to the occasion. Abide with me, the national anthem…it’s kick off time

15:00 KICK OFF – Derby get the 2005 FA Cup final underway.

5 mins – The first chance of the game falls to Darlington. Bose lifts a ball into the right hand channel and Nicholas Olivero is on to it. His first touch is good and he drills in a low shot that Roberts parries behind.

6 mins – Derby are living on the edge here. From the resulting corner, Darren Eadie’s delivery is right on the money and Ayew’s header looks destined for the net, only for Ben Roberts to palm it over the bar. The second corner is flatter but Michael Owen meets it on the run and flicks his header agonisingly across goal and wide.

11 mins – Oh hello! Derby haven’t come here to make up the numbers. Rory Allen slips a delightful pass in behind and Alan Johnston is on to it, but Brazil veteran Carlos Germano is out quickly to narrow the angle and deflect the shot behind. Rory Allen gets his head on the corner but it’s all wrong and drifts over.

14 mins – Johnston at it again, weaving his way goalwards but seeing his shot comfortably saved by Carlos Germano.

17 mins – Darlington can’t get out! Derby at it again, this time Wiberg crosses and Dean Sturridge gets ahead of his man and bullets a header goalwards – but wide.

22 mins – GOAL! Darlington 1 – 0 Derby County (Nicholas Olivero)

It’s been backs to the walls for Darlington for the past 10 minutes but they’ve taken the lead! It’s great work from Eadie down the left, beating his man for pace before drilling in a low cross that evades everybody except Nicholas Olivero. The Uruguayan keeps a cool head and takes a touch before slamming his shot into the roof of the net.

24 mins – Derby look to hit straight back but Johnston can only pull his shot a couple of yards wide from a decent position.

27 mins – YELLOW CARD

Alan Johnston has been at the centre of pretty much everything for Derby so far today, but his enthusiasm proves to be his downfall here as he clatters into Enrico Bose. The first booking of the day

30 mins – Finally a pause for breath as Ryan McGivern gets some treatment. Drinks all round for the players.

Former Derby manager Jim Smith:

Darlington came out of the traps at 100mph but once Derby got their direct game going, it’s essentially 3 centre backs vs 3 centre forwards and Johnston was running them ragged. The goal came about out of the blue but it was fabulous play from Eadie.

34 mins – Back in play and Manga Ayew tries a speculative shot that flies over the bar. Darlington’s midfield is being neutralised by Derby playing over the top.

38 mins – Howard George misses the chance to make a name for himself, heading wide unmarked from a Ryan Casey corner.

HALF TIME – Darlington 1 – 0 Derby County

A quiet end to the first half, Darlington beginning to look a bit tired from their recent excursions, but Derby also playing pretty well.

A look at the half time stats show it’s been fairly even, but Darlington have the most important stat.

Former Derby manager Jim Smith:

The half sort of tailed off, it was like both teams had shown their hand early in the first half and now neither know what to do next. Both sides will re-group and if Derby were to equalise, do Darlington have the legs to win it? I’m not sure they do.

So that’s what Jim Smith thinks, but we’ll see what the second half brings.

KICK OFF – Michael Owen and Manga Ayew kick off the second half.

49 mins – Steve Haslam is still in the dressing room! Mentally anyway. He badly miscontrols a pass and Rory Allen is on to it – he gets his shot away but Robert Page blocks. Page has some choice words for Haslam, captainly advice I’m sure.

52 mins – Michael Owen has been relatively quiet today, but he has a shot on target to his name now. It’s a bit poor in the end though, straight at Roberts who saves comfortably.

55 mins – Great feet from Olivero who gets himself half a yard and curls a shot at goal but Roberts is once again equal to it.

59 mins – Alan Johnston is being a real pest to Darlington today. This time he tries a crafty chip but it’s straight at Carlos Germano.

64 mins – Owen slips in Olivero but on his weaker left foot, the shot lacks power and Roberts can gather at the second attempt.

69 mins – Eadie’s corner causes mayhem again, and this time Ayew gets the header right but it’s a superb save from Ben Roberts, clawing the ball out before Wiberg whacks it away. Darlington hungry to finish this game.

72 mins – YELLOW CARD

Manga Ayew in the book now, the referee deciding a handball in the middle of the park was deliberate.

75 mins – SUBSTITUTION

Darlington move for fresh legs and it’s a welcome return for Dave Oakes, branded the next Paul Gascoigne. He’s on for Enrico Bose.

79 mins – We’re creeping towards the final 10 minutes here, Derby need something. They nearly get it from Dean Sturridge but his shot is gathered by Carlos Germano.

80 mins – YELLOW CARD

Steven Haslam goes in the book for a late tackle on Alan Johnston. It’s the first time anybody has got near Johnston all day, in fairness.

83 mins – Johnston with the header this time but it’s wide. Time running out for Derby.

87 mins – Carlos Germano is given the man of the match award in the stadium, which tells you what sort of game it has been.

89 mins – SUBSTITUTION

Lee Hughes is on for Ryan McGivern, as Darlington look to run the clock down.

90 mins – FULL TIME – Darlington 1 – 0 Derby County

DARLINGTON WIN THE 2005 FA CUP

That’s it! It’s all over. Not a vintage final by any means but Darlington won’t care. The celebrations have already begun. The manager looks knackered.

Here’s a quick look at the stats before we bring you reaction

Derby shading the efforts on goal but Darlington were never under loads of pressure, even towards the end of the game. Derby may see this as an opportunity lost. Why did they make no changes? It all just sort of petered out.

Darlington manager David Black:

It’s always been a dream to win the FA Cup, we came so close a few years ago but I knew we’d be back. We’ve played much better than today and lost so the performance doesn’t bother me, we just wanted the result today. I have to say well done to those lads, most of them have played over 50 times this season and they’ll deserve their summer off!

Derby manager Joe Kinnear:

When I won the FA Cup in 1995 we had to do it the hard way and this year is no different, we’ll turn it around in the second leg. What? Oh f*ck off. Bloody Northerners.

Typical nonsense from Joe Kinnear there. The Darlington lads are on their way up the famous steps, this will be something to remember for a long time to come.

So, as Robert Page lifts the trophy, I must thank you for joining us today and we’ll hopefully see you again very soon. Here’s Michael Owen with the trophy to see you off

Do not adjust your screens. You have read the title of this live text correctly.

Darlington are about to play in the UEFA Cup final!

Yes it’s been quite a meteoric rise for this relatively small club from the County Durham in the North East of England, but when manager David Black took charge in July 1997, they sat in Division 3 having just finished 18th. Tonight, they stand on the edge of greatness.

19:05 Yes for the next 40 minutes we’ll being you all the build-up and team news ahead of Darlington’s date with destiny. They are in the unlikely position of playing the final effectively as the away team, as their opponents AC Milan actually play in the San Siro as their home ground. The chance to feature in a final at their own ground has doubtless spurred AC Milan on, whereas Darlington have gone into their very first European adventure one step at a time and been astounded at the results. The thrashing of Rangers, the penalties victory in Belgium, the last minute winner against Parma – so many memories to take from this campaign, but can they go one step further?

19:15 With just half an hour to go to kick off, it’s about time we delivered you some team news.

AC Milan have their fair share of absentees, with Iuliano, Worns and Peter Moller all out injured, whilst Pietro Infantino is suspended. Despite all of that, the Milan team is still very strong and includes the likes of Ricken, Leonardo and Revault

Darlington continue to be without influential midfielder Dave Oakes, who has been a long term absentee with a spinal injury. He does have a chance of featuring in the FA Cup final later this month however. Young stars Timir Kolev and Pedro Sanchez Txutxi are also missing through injury.

Milan: Revault, Mezzanotti, Smoje, Leonardo, Ziege, Ricken, Biagioni, Zambrotta, Pirri, Bjornebye, Bernardi. Subs: Andre, Buffon, Verolino, Berg, Bertin.

Darlington: Carlos Germano, Page (c), Costello, Wellens, Sansome, McGivern, Eadie, Ayew, Bose, Owen, Olivero. Subs: Guilherme, Diana, Hughes, Haslam, Lampard

19:20 It would be a huge upset in the grand scheme of things, make no mistake about it. But in terms of their form this season, both clubs sit 3rd in their respective leagues, and both made their domestic cup final. Milan ran out 3-2 aggregate winners over neighbours Inter, whilst Darlington will have to wait a while for their FA Cup final date with Derby.

19:30 With just 15 minutes until kick off, here’s a look at some players who could decide the game tonight.

Michael Owen – Many raised an eyebrow when Owen chose Darlington over some more illustrious clubs during the 03/04 season, but after a slow start, Owen has had an unbelievable season. 31 goals in 54 games and 16 assists suggests any good result for Darlington will have a lot to do with this man.

Alberto Bernardi – Bernardi has had a great season, underlined by him receiving his first International cap for Italy earlier this year. 20 goals and 19 assists suggests the form Juventus man is as pivotal to Milan’s chances as Owen is to Darlington’s.

Manga Ayew – The driving force in Darlington’s midfield, who has chipped in with 12 goals along the way. The Chad international is being courted by several of Europe’s elite, tonight could be one of his final games in the black and white of Darlington.

Christophe Revault – All good teams are built with a great goalkeeper, and Revault is certainly that. France’s number one has been in imperious form this season, when called upon, and Darlington are going to have to be at their best to better him tonight.

19:40 It’s crept up on us a bit, but the players are in the tunnel. Darlington will be looking to call on the spirit of their semi-final with Parma, where they were minutes away from exiting the competition, until young Nick Sansome popped up with a late, late goal to send them through. Milan had it slightly easier, beating Lazio 3-1 at home to clinch their final place – Lazio’s late goal turning out to be just a consolation.

The Darlington players are making their way along the line of AC Milan players – the handshakes are done, it’s kick off time!

KICK OFF – Milan kick us underway in a very noisy San Siro.

4 Minutes – Both sides are cagey here in the opening stages, trying to get everybody a touch ti steady their nerves

8 minutes – First chance of the game falls to Darlington. It’s a hopeful ball down the right hand channel of the Milan box which Olivero is on to, and from a tough angle he powers a shot goalwards but it whistles over.

9 minutes – Ooof he should do better here. Milan win the game’s first corner, which Zambrotta spins over. Leonardo is left all alone at the back post but glances the header wide. Good chance gone begging, and a let off for Darlington.

13 minutes – GOAL! AC Milan 0 – 1 Darlington (Manga Ayew)

Goodness me the underdogs are in front! Darren Eadie’s corner is right into the old melting pot and Manga Ayew leaps highest to power his header in. Revault no chance. Ayew ready for a celebration Darlington fans? (sorry)

15 minutes – That goal has angered Milan. The Darlo fans are still dancing but Bernardi has a good chance, shooting narrowly wide with a snapshot from the edge of the box.

17 minutes – Great save! Zambrotta’s corner is curled in and Bernardi gets ahead of Glen Costello, but his header is miraculously tipped away by Carlos Germano. Milan turning the screw now.

20 minutes – The one way traffic continues. Stig Bjornebye (not of Liverpool fame) has the chance this time, but he too shoots wide from a decent position.

23 minutes – Finally Darlo get back on the attack. Young Enrico Bose drives forward from midfield and gets a shot away, but it’s just over the bar.

27 minutes – Another headed chance for Ayew, but this time he gets the timing wrong and heads Darren Eadie’s corner over the bar.

Ross Jacobs, via text: This is unbelievable from Darlington! Can they hold on?

Jamie Heaton, via e-mail: Darlington looking very good here, can’t see Milan scoring.

34 minutes – GOAL! AC Milan 1 – 1 Darlington (Alberto Bernardi)

The game was just going through it’s first lull and it’s proved to be Darlington’s underdoing. There’s not enough pressure on the ball and it allows Milan’s front two to combine. Bjornebye slips in Bernardi, who makes no mistake. Quick as a flash, optimism evaporated.

UpTheBoro, via text: Great goal. Come on Milan!

DarloBill, via text: Heads up lads, we can still do this

38 minutes – Darlington are just trying to keep the ball, it’s been a breathless half.

41 minutes – Half a chance for Ryan McGivern, leaping to get his head on a Sansome cross but his header is wide.

HALF TIME – AC Milan 1 – 1 Darlington

All square then in a frentic first half. You have to say the finishing has left a lot to be desired but one goal each and honours even. It’s time for the managers to earn their corn.

Just looking over some of the stats here, Milan have managed 7 shots to Darlington’s 5, and Darlington’s only shot on target brought their goal. Milan have had more corners but Darlo have just shaded possession. It’s going to be all to play for in the second half.

KICK OFF – Darlington get us back in action, kicking towards their own fans.

48 minutes – Enrico Bose has been compared to Andreas Moller (can’t imagine why) and you can see why at times. This time the Young German curls a shot goalwards but it arrows inches wide.

53 minutes – Darlington are dominated proceedings in this half so far, and this time Ryan McGivern tries a shot but Revault gets down to push it away.

57 minutes – GOAL! AC Milan 1 – 2 Darlington (Michael Owen)

What a time to score your 32nd goal of the season. It’s an ugly goal, but it’s beautiful to Darlo. Eadie’s corner causes havoc and once again Ayew get’s on the end of it, crashing his header off the post. Nicolas Olivero follows up but Revault sticks a leg out, only for the ball to pop up for Michael Owen to stick it in the empty net. There’s pandemonium behind the goal, there’s a pile on in the corner. Darlo lead again!

60 minutes – Darlington are purring now. Can a football team purr? Manga Ayew is like a man on a mission, firstly drilling a low shot that Revault saves, then meeting McGivern’s cross with a header that is straight at Revault. The Frenchman holds on, his team need to ride out this storm.

65 minutes – What a chance! Good save or bad miss? Olivero slips Ayew in, who has run beyond his attackers. He should score but Revault makes himself big and saves before smothering the loose ball.

68 minutes – Milan manager Fabio Capello has seen enough, substituting the ineffective Lars Ricken for Teddy Bertin. It’s a change of shape to match Darlington’s 3-5-2.

69 minutes – YELLOW CARD

Welcome to the game Teddy Bertin. The 35 year old French midfielder is not up to the pace of the game clearly and is booked for fouling Bose, who is almost half his age.

72 minutes – YELLOW CARD

Once the card is out, it stays out. Darlington captain Robert Page is next to be cautioned for a late challeneg on Gianluca Zambrotta

Darlo4life, via email: Please hold on please hold on please hold on!

77 minutes – It’s getting nervy out there. Darlington manager David Black is pacing around his technical area, pondering substitutions.

83 minutes – YELLOW CARD

Olivero is in the book for Darlington for crunching Christian Ziege.

86 minutes – Tick tock, tick tock

88 minutes – Milan are launching it long. Robert Page is eating it up. Darlington 2 minutes away

90 minutes – Manga Ayew is announced as man of the match. There are 85,124 people here about to witness history

FULL TIME

DARLINGTON WIN THE UEFA CUP

It’s over! Mayhem!

No sooner has Dave Black shook hands with Fabio Capello, he is mobbed by his staff. Young Nicholas Sansome is in tears. Robert Page has his hands on his big bald head. There’s disbelief amongst the Darlington players. The Milan players are gutted, slumped at various corners of their own stadium. This will hurt them – they still have 3 games to go in their league season.

Here’s a final look at the stats

Darlington manager David Black:

I just can’t believe it. When I took this job 8 years ago I never dreamed we’d get here. Of course you look at getting promoted, you want to go all the way. But to win the UEFA cup within 8 years? Not in my wildest dreams. We’ll be celebrating tonight, but we’ve got a huge league game on Saturday. I like the UEFA Cup but I’d prefer to be in the Champions League next season!

AC Milan manager Fabio Capello:

The players, they were tired. Congratulations to Darlington.

Darlington’s players have to pull themselves together, it’s time for the presentation. It’s their first major trophy, on their first European campaign. Remarkable.

As Robert Page lifts the trophy, the confetti streams down. It must be tough for Milan to play hosts on a night like this, but it could have been so different.

That’s it from us on this historic night. We’ll be back for the FA Cup final very soon

As the year on the calendar ticks over to 2005, it’s fair to say the problems facing Darlington now are much nicer issues than back in 1997. Now an established Premier League club, there’s success to be had on several fronts – all of which comes at a price. What am I babbling about? Let’s find out…

One thing that hasn’t changed is that we’re still relatively small fry in the grand scheme of things – Japhet N’doram’s regenerated player is testament to that

He’s still the best £5k ever spent, now worth a massive £8m at 24 years of age. He’s not going anywhere…

I’m still confident we can match his ambition – a good run in Europe to get ourselves established will certainly help matters. It goes right down to the wire against Anderlecht

A rare 100% success record there from the spot, why Carlos Germano went 6th I’ll never known but he scored and then saved from his opposite number. Good lad. It’s a decent quarter final draw too

They push us right to the limit and just as I’m preparing to pick 5 takers, my Uruguayan comes to the table

The semi-final draw has a very Anglo-Italian feel about it, except the Italian sides are of a very high quality

How we’ve got ourselves into this situation, I’ll never know. We’ll have to do all of this with our Gazza re-incarnation, who sustains a nasty injury

We’re somehow still in the FA Cup too, but we’ve got a potential tie with Everton to look forward to.

We’ve actually done the hard bit of drawing at Stamford Bridge to earn a replay at Feethams, but that brings its own problems. Look at this schedule:

4 very tough games in 8 days…that’s going to hurt.

It’s almost with relief that I tell you we’re not involved in the League Cup – clearly the same view most of the top end clubs have followed

Wolves.vs Bristol City should not be the final of anything. Actually, Wolves were enjoying a UEFA Cup run, until a goal keeping disaster ended up with Phil Mulryne in nets at the San Siro

30 minutes of Marcus Bent is rather too much.

England are well represented in the Champions League, although 3 become 1 for the Semi finals

The Semi final draw is high quality, as you would expect. With the holders Liverpool out, we’re guaranteed a new champion.

There’s been a handful of big transfers across Europe

By big, I of course mean hilarious. Sadly that’s a different Stig Bjornebye, not the one of Liverpool fame. La Liga is actually really tight for once

There are 4 potential winners there, but we’re still waiting for our first non El Clasico winner.

Finally, let’s take a moment to appreciate this

10 man Armenia just too strong for Holland. World Cup 2006 is in England, remember.

So with just a couple of months to go in the 04/05 season, here’s the table

It couldn’t be tighter at the top, with just 4 goals separating West Ham from Man Utd. Chelsea, under Gerry Francis, could close to within a point if they win their game in hand. I’m fairly content being in the top 6, given our success in the UEFA Cup and still being in the FA Cup, though with Everton in 4th that’s going to be a tough tie should we beat 3rd placed Chelsea.

It’s a rough time for Yorkshire and the surrounding areas. Barnsley look done with Hull not in good shape. It’s any one from about 5 though for the last spot. Incidentally, Matt Le Tisser has found his feet at Arsenal and they are top of Division 1 with a 16 point cushion to the playoffs.

That brings you up to date with the happenings in this crazy game, and to celebrate the return of the (real life) Premier League season we have a whole week of updates! Keep your eye on our twitter account for regular updates all week, culminating in the season finale next Sunday.

It’s 2004 and English football is in mourning after the Euro 2004 final defeat. Never fear though, the Premier League season is back and Darlington are in Europe! Let the journey begin…

Seeing as we’re big time now, more people want to come and see us! The board just keep coming up trumps with this.

Hilariously, that’s 24188 seats meaning we still house 1500ish standers. That probably goes against every rule in the Premier League book, but whatever.

We know we’re in the big time because our players are now being poached by Europe’s elite

I doubt Real Madrid will ever buy a player from Darlington ever again

This one is actually really annoying, as I had Illingworth pegged to replace Germano, who has started to decline, but then he is 34 and Brazilian so he should be in one of the lucrative European leagues by now.

One of the World’s best has retired and taking his first steps into management.

I love appointments like this, it’s sort of believable that a player would start at a midtable club.

It’s fair to say the interesting transfers are drying up, we’re reaching that point where the big names are starting to fade out to be replaced by new blood. This is still relevant though

The traditional season opener is here

The eagle eyed amongst you will notice that Betterton was my goalkeeper for the first 4 years or so before he was poached by these jerks. They also have my replacement Illingworth, so back to the drawing board for a goalkeeper for me.

Chelsea have been mounting a decent challenge in recent season under Bryan Robson, and after consecutive 3rd place finishes, they finally got back into the Champions League. Robson’s reward?

A slow start to the season sees him sacked. It wasn’t desperate though, they made it through the group stages but sat 14th after 4 games. Very harsh!

Anyway, the logical thing to do is poach former Manager of the Season Gerry Francis, who has worked wonders at Leeds.

Leeds appoint Bryan Robson, so we’ve gone full circle.

I bet this was emotional

After taking Coventry to an impressive 8th last season, this is another surprising one. Sure they aren’t doing well after 4 games but to resign? Classic Keegan.

Tony Cascarino!?

Well whatever floats your boat. Cascarino just guided Fulham to 11th in Division 1 so he must have done really went at interview.

This will be a very Darlo-centric post from here as we are becoming the new entertainers

3-1 down, 3-3, 4-3 down, snatch a draw. We love it. Hillsborough seems massive these days too.

Battle of Britain to kick us off in Europe

That escalated quickly. Owen has a real taste for it in Europe as Gothernburg find out

It’ll be a much tougher test in round 4

We’re getting good results domestically too, this being a particular highlight

A famous result. We’re not doing as well as last year but we’re having fun, and that’s the main thing

West Ham are flying under Peter Reid, who really has enjoyed success throughout this game. Sheffield Wednesday under George Graham have become very stubborn, whilst Everton are a real threat under John Toshack. Of course, you can never rule out Ferguson’s Man Utd!

Aston Villa are the surprise name in the bottom 3 but sadly the rest of the bottom of the table is pretty much what I’d expect from a mix of newly promoted clubs. Wolves were very strong last season, so I’d expect them to improve. To be fair, Villa are managed by Liam Daish in his first managerial role, which is mad.

For those wondering, Arsenal stuck with Matt Le Tissier and top Division 1 comprehensively, even with a 34 year old Alan Shearer leading the line and Nigel Quashie in midfield. It’s some team. Anyway, join us next time as Darlo look to go big in Europe and West Ham continue to try and cheer up Peter Reid.

Don’t worry, I’m not Shirley Bassey. It is, however, the final few months of the 2003/04 season and things have generally never been better for Darlington. European Qualification is on the cards, there’s a European Championships to look forward to and an English team is guaranteed to be in the Champions League final.  Let’s get on with it.

You know where we always stop first…

League Cup

These two sides are in the top half of the Premier League so it’s quite an even final, but as is so often the case Stefffen Iversen proves the difference. Yep.

FA Cup

We’ve already established Southport can’t retain their trophy but Chelsea, as the team top of the Premier League, must fancy their chances?

You imbeciles. So it’s a Sheffield Wednesday/Blackburn final.

David Johnson with the winner there, putting Sheff Wed into the Cup Winners Cup and next season’s curtain raiser. But who against?

Premier League

In a break from tradition I’m leaving the Champions League until last to bring you a thrilling finale to the Premier League. When I left you last time, Everton & Chelsea led the way with Man Utd clinging on. Coventry dish out a hammer blow for Everton

We’re still chipping away and get creditable draws at Everton and Chelsea. Man Utd though just keep on winning, and beat Chelsea to take the lead with one game remaining.

With us guaranteed at least 4th, this represents a major stride forward for us and the UEFA Cup will be our playground next season. The final day fixtures mean I have an outside chance of that coveted 2nd Champions League spot if Chelsea and Everton fail to win

So Manchester United just need to beat Peter Beardsley’s Middlesbrough to get the job done. Arsenal have been relegated under Matt Le Tissier, which is hilarious, which makes Chelsea’s job a bit easier.

Manchester United are held by Middlesbrough but Chelsea’s win means it comes down to goal difference. Third for Darlington is superb news.

Meanwhile, as I mentioned, Arsenal are gone

Huddesfield’s front two is Patrice Loko and Ole Solskjaer, which ultimately saved them. Somehow, Le Tissier is still employed.

Somebody who is not employed is Peter Smith, who resigns as Newcastle manager after they finish 20th in Division 2, just 3 points clear of the bottom 4.

Jimmy Nicholl gets the gig, but that club is wrecked.

Champions League

So in the all English/all Spanish Semi Finals, the stakes are high

Barcelona don’t look likely to finish in the top 2 in Spain so really need this.Liverpool finished a lowly 15th so it goes without saying the final is winner take all.

Drama! Liverpool’s keeper is sent off with 3 minutes to go, but they bring on good old David James who saves the pen and Liverpool win the trophy. Scenes.

Real Madrid win La Liga from Deportivo, whilst Cagliari win Serie A. This is not a misprint. Bologna win the Cup Winners Cup too, setting us up nicely for Italy 2004.

Euro 2004

England have a typically lavish squad on the plane to Italy.

Not sure why Phil Neville is deemed a star player yet on the bench. Barcelona’s Robbie Fowler leads the line.

It’s a strong start

Neil Finn, of Real Madrid, proving his worth. It gets better…

That secures England’s place in the last 8 with a game to spare. Such is tradition, they lose to Sweden

Nobody cares though. Northern Ireland stun Denmark thanks to an 89th minute winner from Neil Lennon and they join England in the last 8

Holders France and hosts Italy looking very strong indeed

Oh my.

That man Lennon at it again! They’re in the semis but will they face Italy or England?

England knock out the hosts on penalties! So little between the teams they even scored in the same minute. Why Finn, the keeper, was taking England’s second pen I have no idea, but he made up for it by stopping/at least being in goal for 3 missed Italian penalties. Get in

It’s a lot more routine for Holland, whilst France will take them on in the semis.

Northern Ireland have done themselves proud but the Semi finals are a step too far

Phil Neville playing a blinder there. It’s France in the final – a repeat of 4 years ago

Antoine Sibierski scores the winning penalty and France win Euro 2004. Beckham and Campbell write their names into history, but then they were already quite famous anyway.

So with that, all that’s left is the awards

Graham Taylor retires…

Finally, my most loyal player retires. He’s been with me every step of the way from the Division 3 days and leaves us in the UEFA Cup. Steve Gaughan, I’ll miss you.

With that, I will bid you farewell for another season. Join us next season though – Darlington are going on a European tour!

Last time I left you Darlington were just starting to tiptoe into the upper echelons of the league. As we tick into 2004, amazingly we’re still in and around, but we’ve added to the squad and we’re stronger than ever. Elsewhere, there are only 2 countries represented in the last 4 of the Champions League and Man Utd address their debt issues.

First off though some managerial news. This is a bit of a coup!

This is not.

Why do Leicester need a manager? Well, they sacked poor old Martin O’Neill

He was so heart broken, he took the Spurs job 2 days later.

Happy New Year. Spurs are a bottom half Division 1 club these days, so a re-building job for old jumpy Martin. Joining Spurs in the bottom half of division 1 are Sunderland, so they sack Ray Harford

They appoint Ex England defender Mark Wright who quit Spurs in the first place to start this whole chirade. Meanwhile in the Premier League, West Ham haven’t been as good this time around and Nev quits

West Ham nick Peter Reid, who has done a good job at Palace to be fair

Palace appoint Ray Harford, obviously thrilled by the great job he did in the North East.

Speaking of which, look who I’ve lured to Darlington

Amazingly he turned down several others to make the switch. We have arrived!

Everton however go one better

Whilst Barcelona get an Englishman across to Spain

Leeds are going through a rough patch in the league but they’ll be happy with their Champions League campaign, knocking out the might Ajax on away goals

Liverpool, who have crawled up the table to safety are also in the Semis, joining Spanish superpowers Barca & Real. The draw throws up two all country clashes.

Interesting! Real actually look set to win La Liga for the first time in this game, Barca have won 6 in a row.

There’s no Southport in the FA Cup semi finals, but Chelsea will be licking their lips at the draw.

I’m sick of the sight of Chris Waddle’s Burnley, who you may recall where my enemies a few years back. Hope Sheff Wed batter them, they are his former employers so hopefully they’re sick of him too.

It’ll be a Man City/Wolves final in the League Cup, Division 1 Derby & Luton beaten over two legs.

City & Wolves are both top half Premier League teams so not too much of a shock.

Man Utd’s crippling debts result in a fire sale. Ironically, it’s Leeds who take advantage

They also sign World Cup winner Sunday Oliseh, so they mean serious business.

This, however, makes me very sad

I can’t explain this

So let’s finish on a high with a great Haslam moment. Happy Valentine’s Day Fergie!

The tables make decent reading too

Man Utd selling those players on deadline day will hopefully end their charge. I’m looking for a UEFA Cup place now, that’ll be a huge step forward for us.

Matt Le Tissier’s work at Arsenal has been less than stellar, they’re in serious trouble. Stoke and Leicester still have a chance, though Leicester appointed David Wetherall so probably not that much of a chance.

With that disparaging David Wetherall comment, I’m calling time on this update but I do hope you’ll join us for the finale of this season, there’s even Euro 2004. Here’s England’s group

Until next time…

The summer of 2003 has come and gone, and right from the outset clubs are trying to outdo each other in who can make the most ridiculous signing. I’m in on it too, and it’s been a pretty interesting start to the 03/04 campaign. Shall we?

Firstly, a man who has had plenty of jobs in the 6 completed seasons so far will have no more, as Jack Charlton has retired from management

Boro go for Peter Beardsley as playaer manager – yes, Pedro is still playing despite being 42.

I’ve been eyeing up his re-gen for a while but now it seems less likely to find him unless he gets sacked before the season is out. We live in hope.

More importantly, Boro’s neighbours the mighty Darlington have another stadium expansion

So the stadium is now three times the size it was back in 1997. We’ve got some extra money now as the people of Darlington pack out our stadium, so it’s a veritable feast of signings

Sansome is a right back/wing back, Haslam is a legend from V1 of this blog, Robert Page is my go to guy and Ayew is the re-gen of Japhet N’Doram. It’s the strongest side I’ve had with Darlo, which sort of goes without saying.

Meanwhile, let the loyalty fade away…

Barca raid Everton for one of the top players in the game

Not satisfied with raiding just one Merseyside club, they also take Robbie Fowler from Liverpool

Everton get my former play Alex Notman from Celtic as a replacement

Whilst Liverpool go for another of my former players

Here’s the best of the rest of the transfers around the world

Community XI Goalkeeper Landreau being used as bait by Real Madrid. Sacrilege.

Anyway the curtain raiser is here and it’s the rather unusual matchup of Leeds vs Southport. Leeds will fancy revenge after the FA Cup final humiliation.

What can you say? Southport win the Charity Shield on pens. All the while, they have a Division 2 campaign to get underway. They’re still in the Cup Winners Cup too, and hold a slight advantage in their second round tie

Things are going well for Darlo too, so much so we’re actually 4th. We’re functional rather than brilliant but that’s fine by me. Guillherme, Ayew and Olivero are the stars and if we can finish in the European places, we’re ahead of my target. Good times.

Somebody having less of a good time is Brian Little, who has been sacked.

He’s replaced by the recently retired Liam Daish. I know, right?

Something I forgot to mention last time is Newcastle’s plight. After sacking Ince, David Batty came in as player manager and…got them relegated to Division 2. Sitting 19th in Division 2, he’s sacked too.

WBA appoint Batty shortly afterwards, obviously not put off by his failure. Newcastle meanwhile appoint…Peter Smith?

Smith starts the game as a player at Brighton, but it’s rough time for the Magpies.

Our new found form is underlined by this result

All of which leaves the table looking like this:

Everton look to get their title back whilst defending champions Leeds are down in 8th. We’re the surprise package up in 4th and I doubt we’ll finish there, but it’s enjoyable so far. Villa sacking Little seems rough with them being 9th.

Meanwhile Liverpool’s plight is the big talking point, big problems for Roy Evans. Anybody from 13th down looks in a fair amount of trouble.

So that brings you up to date with the happenings. It’s been the usual mix of crazy events but I’m hoping we can keep this going. Until next time..

It’s the end of the 2002/03 season and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, the game has yet again gone to ridiculous lengths to show me something I haven’t seen before. So, can Gerry win the treble? Or will somebody spoil the party?

League Cup

Everton take the first trophy of the season with a thrilling win.

Palace have enjoyed a few good cup runs and this is another, but just a game too far.

FA Cup

The semi final line up is one of the strangest ever, and Leeds are obvious favourites

Southport taking out Fulham works even more for Leeds, and so Division 2 Southport stand between Gerry Francis and FA Cup glory.

WAT. Forget about it, Southport join Nigeria in the list of ridiculous winners. Southport are 10th in Division 2, so they’ll be playing in the Cup Winners Cup whilst playing in the Windscreen Shield next season. There are no words.

Leeds might not be able to beat Southport, however…

Champions League

Porto do a number on Real Madrid and so Leeds will battle another Port in the final.

So there you have it. Southport > Leeds > Porto. Southport are managed by Steve Gritt, I’ve made the obvious pun already but feel free to write your own. Lazio win Serie A, whilst Barcelona win La Liga for the 6th consecutive year.

So with the the other cups decided, I’m pleased to say Darlo have survived, Premier League football will be coming to Feethams for a third consecutive season. It wasn’t pretty but 15th achieves my target and now we’ll build for a brighter tomorrow (#cringe)

The real excitement comes at the top of the table, where with one game to go, Gerry is on the verge.

Southall hasn’t managed to hold it together but Roy Evans’ Liverpool have had a great run. The final day fixtures are tricky for both teams

So Leeds just need to win at Villa Park. Brian Little vs Gerry Francis. Liverpool themselves have a tough trip to Chelsea

Gerry! At the double. What a day for the mullet. It would have been a treble if it wasn’t for pesky Southport. Remarkable.

Chelsea beat Liverpool anyway so it was all academic. Arsenal down in 11th is enough for them to sack Ray Harford

It’s been over for a while for Wimbledon, but Blackburn & Fulham join them in relegation. Coventry, still under the watchful eye of Kevin Keegan and including Andrea Pirlo are promoted along with Leicester. The playoff final is between 3rd placed Sunderland and 5th placed Burnley. However, on the morning of that game…

Le Tiss walks out of a Wembley date and over to Highbury. All very odd timing.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Sunderland are beleagured and lose heavily. They appoint Ray Harford a few days later.

All that’s left then is this season’s awards

The wonderfully named Guy Wolf takes European player of the year. Francis & Keegan taking the manager awards, Galactic Keegan will be so proud. Meanwhile, David Johnson: Golden Boot winner.

So as the game works through it’s updates, I’ll bid you farewell. Join us next time, won’t you?

As the game ticks round to March 2003, the start of a new era is well and truly underway. Except managerial heroes such as Gerry Francis, Neville Southall and Brian Little are the new era, and it’s really bloody weird. Anyway, here’s what’s gone down since the last update.

I was giddy at a league cup quarter final, but the reigning league champions Everton have put paid to that particular dream.

Coventry also won at Man Utd, but their run ends in the Semi Final

Everton will be strong favourites in the final. Unless of course Palace carry the spirit of the mighty Southport

Inexplicable. Meanwhile, I drew Arsenal and there was never any likelihood of me repeating the heroics of last year

Southport however, are one game from Wembley

It’s not the strongest FA Cup semi final line-up but Leeds and Gerry Francis must be licking their lips.

Meanwhile at Darlo, we’re just about keeping our heads above water. There’s been a large changeover in personnel as I strive to bring in a better quality of player, the best being Darren Eadie

I must also mention Dave Oakes, who is actually the re-gen of Paul Gascoigne. He’s very young but so was Gazza at Italia 90, so I’m pinning my hopes on him. Everton and Liverpool activated the release clause on Brazil and Townsend, which was a shame. It leaves the squad looking like this:

Assuming we stay up, which you’ll see later is very much on the cards, we can build further in the summer and try and become a top half team. Slowly but surely, we’ll get there.

Meanwhile there’s mixed fortunes for the English sides in the Champions League

Everton had a tough draw but Leeds keep flying the flag, though they have to tame Ronaldo.

Meanwhile, another great advert for loyalty

And another

Something else I’ve discovered is that Man Utd are ruined. Here’s their financial situation:

Just the £6.5m of debt. But look at the contract situation!

If I can get Shearer to Feethams…

Anyway, as ever we’ll end with the tables.

It doesn’t look like Man Utd will be returning to the Champions League, so that debt situation may yet continue. Everton aren’t going to retain their title as Neville Southall’s West Ham are battling Gerry Francis’ Leeds. I turned down the West Ham job remember…

Wimbledon’s defence is looking good. They’re all but gone. Blackburn and Stoke are still scrapping, but I have a nice 13 point cushion with 8 games to go for some of the sides below me. Just a win or two to guarantee our safety.

Is Gerry going to do the treble? With Emile Heskey leading the line, it wouldn’t surprise me. Join us next time to find out

After the madness that was the 2002 World Cup, I’m not really sure I’ll ever recover. Be that as it may though, we’ve got a season to get on with so let’s do just that.

Everton are the reigning champions but Man Utd aren’t happy about it and want their title back. So it becomes a sign-off

Nice and controversial. Everton go one better…

Yes it’s the famous Icelandic DM/FC who is always amazing as a re-gen. Lucky Everton.

Man Utd sign England’s best forward. So…

Everton bring in a Brazilian international to run the midfield. How bloody good was Celtic’s team!? Anyway, Everton aren’t done and want the honourable JC

At this rate, Everton are going to be very good for a long time.

Barcelona clearly getting nervous

Whilst Real Madrid need counselling

The season starts with the Charity Shield as always and it’s first blood Everton.

Yes, all that talent and Christian Dailly is captain.

Some movements on the continent

What’s Italian for merry go round?

Enough of that, Auxerre are busy too

For real madness though, I’ll stick close to home

Well, I know you’re all wondering, “Who can possibly replace Paul Ince?” and of course the answer is, absolutely anybody with a pulse. Even David Batty

That could be fun. They’re 23rd in Division 1 as it stands.

At nearby Darlington, goals are short so I’ve gone mental and signed plenty of players.

Previously, this would have bankrupted us but in the modern day, we’ve doubled the size of Feethams

So we can afford 11 Darren Eadie’s. Or maybe half a dozen at least. Our form is chequered but we’ve saved our best for the League Cup

We’re in the last 8! Of the pointless cup. But still, we’ve got the champions in the Quarters

The league form is not quite as good, but I’m aiming for 12th-15th, so maybe things will be ok.

Gerry Francis battling Brian Little at the top of the table, these are great days to be a manager. Man Utd and Everton’s big spending has them in the mix but a little bit back in the field.

Wimbledon have sacked Fashanu, which is disgusting. After all he’s done for them, and Galdiators, it’s a disgrace. I’ve also ruined Man City with that FA Cup semi final defeat, hopefully they remain broken.

So as we enter the bleak winter months, Darlington will need to improve on their paltry 9 league goals. Hasselbaink has been terrible incidentally. Join us next time to see if Gerry Francis really can win a league title, becoming the first mullet to win the Premier League.