As the 07/08 season reaches boiling point, English football seems to be reflecting real life as the national team struggles for results and for the first time since this game began, there are no English sides in the Champions League Quarter final. Fortunately, the league is still very entertaining, so let’s focus on the positives.

Last time out we saw the usual jostling for position in the opening months of the season, whilst England appointed Laurent Blanc and things were terrible. Blanc’s career as the national manager seems to be reflecting that of Mike Bassett, as he has scraped through to Euro 2008 despite not winning a game in his tenure.

Grim. Rough draw for the finals too. I will get that job yet.

Anyway enough of our failing national team – another manager under fire is Gordon Milne, who has failed again

“What we need is a Geordie hero”
“Alan Shearer is busy”

I was tempted by the job but I’ve got a good thing going with Liverpool, not only because I’ve signed the best named striker in the game

But things are going well in general. I’ve also nicked my old mate (shocker) from Leeds, we won a World Cup and a Premier League together, we’re like brothers. Also he was out of contract in 3 months so, you know

I’m one of two English clubs still in Europe, as Leicester are trying to retain their Cup Winners Cup trophy, I’m battling away in the UEFA.

Werder Bremen beating their fellow countrymen so handsomely is a bit of a strange one, but I have them in the semis so I guess I’ll find out just how good they are

Meanwhile in the Champions League, Juventus are trying to throw it all away again

It would take a brave man to bet against Barcelona retaining their title, though Real Madrid are always a threat

They could yet meet in a repeat of the 2001 final, whilst Juventus won it in 2003.

In the much less glamorous setting of the League cup, Division 1 Blackburn (still managed by Keegan despite relegation) have made it to Wembley

Brian Little is denied yet another League Cup final appearance by Man Utd, as Fergie surely nears retirement. Blackburn are in decent form it’s fair to say

One loss all season is incredible, with just 8 games to go. A people’s champion is on the way back to the Premier League at the age of 36

Whilst I’ve said yet another emotional goodbye to Erik Nevland, who I just don’t have a purpose for now

The league itself has been a topsy turvy affair, as is the norm nowadays. Bolton continue to lead but both ourselves and Man Utd have topped the table at various times over the winter months

Fairly tight, though my next game is at Bolton which could really make or break the run-in. You’d like to think there are only 3 teams in it, though you can never discount Leeds. Meanwhile at the bottom, Chelsea continue to struggle without Tony Adams

Perhaps Dalglish will be saved by their FA Cup run, incredibly 15th, 16th and 18th join 5th placed Villa in the semi finals.

All of this means that the final 2 months of the season should be very exciting – I am aiming to win at least one trophy, but why not have both? Until next time…

The 07/08 season is here, and despite England being well on their way to Euro 2008, the powers that be have decided that Glenn Hoddle is more like Glen Shoddle. Has that been used? Probably not. Anyway, terrible puns aside, here’s how the opening months of the 07/08 season have panned out. Poor Glenn, all he did was fail miserably in England’s home tournament 40 years on from the scene of their greatest triumph. Why they’ve strung it out for a year, I’m not sure. Anyway, I apply for the job as I fancy my chances of taking these idiots to World Cup 2010. However, I’ve been overlooked for Laurent Blanc. So we’ve got Tony Adams in charge of France and Laurent Blanc in charge of England. Modern football. Hilariously, Blanc’s blown it! What a disgusting result. The old Cadamarteri/Gallen partnership is just not up to it. Still, things will surely get better? Disaster. And a cap for Sam Aiston…obviously. Here’s Blanc’s squad – but qualification is in the balance That’s quite enough of that. On the domestic front, I need a goalscorer to partner Bochenski so I’ve raided Leeds for Victor Marco Good times. Few will have predicted this Charity Shield back in fictional 1997 when I started this game Todd remains one of the few “original managers” – another one though has been given the boot He’s not the only one though But as usual, transfers have gone crackers The managers are in on it too, Roy Evans is crawling his way back up the ladder There’s some other changes afoot too Peter Reid’s tour of his old clubs is back underway. Anyway, the actual football hasn’t been bad either. We start away to the champions – nice and easy With the UEFA Cup to compete for too, I’m hopeful of this being a big season. Things are decent and my annual win at old club Leeds is very handy. It does help well the opposition’s World Cup winning keeper is sent off after 2 minutes. As we creep into November, here’s the tables: Tight table again but Bolton lead the way – they’ve just beaten me 3-1 at Anfield. It’s definitely a league where anybody can beat anybody, unless you’re Bradford. Chelsea are in the bottom 3, remarkably – whilst Burnley is the place to be for entertainment. Bradford, probably wisely, give their manager the sack And to round this update off in a neat little package, Glenn Hoddle finds work at 1st division Watford. Bouncing back. It’s going to be a ridiculous few months – join us next time to see if England scrape into Euro 08 as a best runner up or whether Blanc will be under immediate pressure

The 06/07 season has come to a fascinating end, and although Liverpool aren’t really involved in the title race, there’s still a cup final to be won. Here we go then…

League Cup

Balls.

A devestating 118th minute defeat courtesy of Ben Thornley. So it’s come to this. Still, a decent run and nothing really lost. Brian Little will be hoping to make it a double with the Premier League race still well and truly on.

FA Cup

The semi finals see Chelsea and Bolton make their moves to Wembley, which pretty much goes to form although all 4 sides have enjoyed varying degrees of success over the 10 seasons. Who’s your money on?

Colin Todd, what a guy. An easy win in the end and Bolton will play in the Cup Winners Cup. There’s more success for English sides in Europe, too.

Leicester’s win is particularly impressive, it has to be said. Man Utd lost in the Champions League qualifiers to Lyon to drop into the UEFA Cup but they’ve made the most of it. The Champions League is less surprising however.

Champions League

Barcelona vs Milan should be a decent final! Good run from Malmo though. It’s Barcelona’s year though

With La Liga in the bag too, Real Madrid grow tired of competing and send their B Team out in the Copa del Rey instead, with similar results

Barca go on to win the final to cap another wonderful season for Van Gaal.

Premier League

Important things out the way first, Keane joins me in the old “beating your old club” routine

You might remember in the last update, the league was squashed up and it was a bit of a free for all. Well it’s certainly continued that way, to the point where the league table with one game to go looks like this:

O’Neill has got Sunderland firing on all cylinders, with Christian Vieri leading the line. Some would say Man Utd discarded him too early, but whatever. The bottom is looking tricky too

Everton have gone, Sheff Utd look like they’re on the verge and that just leaves Keegan’s Blackburn or Anderton’s Arsenal. Galactic Keegan would be gutted. Here are the fixtures

All Sunderland need to do is beat lowly Burnley at home. If they fail, Chelsea will surely beat bottom of the table Everton. Villa are the outsiders, but can relegate Sheff Utd.  Arsenal could do with a result at Bolton whilst Blackburn have the easier game against Birmingham.

Sunderland come from 2-1 behind to claim their first title. Chelsea & Villa’s wins are in vain with Chelsea taking the second Champions League spot. I’m in 5th, which for a first season back in the league is more than decent – though it’s Sunderland’s too, so maybe not that good. Man Utd finish a lowly 7th but their UEFA Cup win means they will be back in that competition next season .Arsenal survive with a 0-0 at Bolton. Blackburn would have survived with a win but a terrible home defeat means Keegan’s side are relegated. Awards time!

Bit odd that Grant Ball, Birmingham’s ex-Real Madrid keeper gets PFA player of the year but keeper’s get a lot of awards for high average ratings. Few could argue with Aussie Paul Harries winning the writers awards, though I’ll have to research Bruno Portela. John Toshack decides to bow out on the high of a cup winners cup, and who can blame him?

So another season gone, see you again for the 07/08 season – yes?

The 06/07 season is actually turning into one of my favourites yet. The game has reached a point where many of the established stars are beginning to retire or decline and their replacements are either not up to scratch or developing. Let me talk you through it In the last update, I was drawn away to Leeds in the League Cup, my first visit back to Elland Road. In theory I should receive a wonderful welcome, afterall I did bring the good times back. Before that though Leeds visit Anfield, which is a good day for me. I’ve been through a lot with Michael Landreau including the Auxerre experiment, the league win with Leeds and then a World Cup win, the little ungrateful bugger tries to deny me but Bochenski eventually beats him. Then I’m off to Leeds just 4 days later Great result for me, Leeds will be livid. Anyway, this means we’re in the business end of the League Cup and I brush First Divsion Derby aside in the Quarters, before a 2 legged semi final with Boro We just about sneak through into the final where we’ll play Brian Little’s Villa. It’s a pointless trophy, but seems to carry a lot of favour despite no European place. Strange. Anyway, it’s another day out at Wembley. After initially letting my promoted squad run wild, things were a bit dull so I’ve spiced it up a bit with an England international and an old pal That sets us up nicely. In other news, Shearer appointed Magpies manager! The wrong Magpies, Alan! County are near the foot of division 1 having just sacked Steve Bruce, so they obviously love a Geordie. Shearer is probably still useful as a player at that level, despite being 36. There’s some decent transfers taking place too Collier you might recall is the re-generated Peter Beardsley, so he has some good stats behind him. I took him to Leeds but he was backup to Victor Marco. Bruggink scored 6 in a game for Holland once, whilst Gallas & Hellebuyck both won the World Cup with me. How lovely. Meanwhile, let’s see how Chelsea are getting on with Tony Adams Oh dear. In truth, they’re doing ok and are in an FA Cup Semi Final, as they beat Burnley in a replay Colin Todd’s Bolton are still hanging in there. The Champions League has 3 familiar names…and Malmo Sweden’s improvement was apparent in the World Cup so it’s good to see some consistency. I mentioned this was my favourite season so far – here’s why: Ten points between 1st and 12th with 8/9 games to go, is ridiculous. It’s such a level playing field. West Ham, managed by Tony Gale, have come from nowhere to be second. Sunderland, who played a blinder appointing O’Neill after his Arsenal failure and were promoted alongside me, have been flying recently including that 6-0 win. With only 2 Champions League spots up for grabs, it could be anybody’s. Man Utd down in 9th is interesting, but their game in hand could take them back to 5th. The bottom of the table is not far behind 14 points from 1st to 15th is just hideous. Everton’s yo-yo existence looks set to continue but Anderton is scrapping hard to keep Arsenal up, believe it or not they were bottom for a long time, but maybe he’s finally getting it right. The next update promises to be the most interesting yet – I’m really looking forward to playing out these final 2 months so I’ll see you back here for the outcome

Welcome to the 2006/07 season. In the last update, I cemented my place at the top of the hall of fame by winning the World Cup with France. With that mission accomplished, I’ve immediately resigned the role to focus on my club career. What I didn’t consider is the domino effect that would have on the Premier League…

Tony “winner of everything” Adams is off to try his hand at the International game. This might seem odd to you but those with a keen eye for detail will recall Adams built his managerial career at Lens, so hurrah for continuity I guess. Chelsea move to take a manager from a rival

Dalglish has enjoyed a couple of trophies with Newcastle including most recently the UEFA Cup, so maybe a shrewd appointment. Meanwhile, I’m very tempted by the Newcastle job as they are my club, but maybe later. For now, they go for Gordon Milne.

So now that’s Arsenal in the hunt for a new manager. Well, who else would they appoint?

Player manager no less, good grief. Some big money moves as always

It will be very interesting to see how Man Utd cope having sold two of their stars, though they do still have Fowler. Look who came crawling back…

They’re in the first division but he’s lucky to work in England again given how his Liverpool experience finished. Speaking of Liverpool, I’ve got things ticking over but little more. The reputation is average so now great signings – though Juan Veron has arrived on a free. This should keep me in good favour:

Meanwhile, the League Cup has kicked off and it’s a sad state of affairs at Stamford Bridge

I’m still in it though, but there’s a grudge match ahead!

There’ll be hell on! McManaman against his old club and me against mine, Sky will be all over it. Here’s how the top of the Premier League looks:

Brian Little is determined to get Villa back on the winners trail, though Chelsea are not far behind plus the emergence of Leicester. I’m happy with 9th for now, as a newly promoted team it’s good to consolidate. As usual, Arsenal are flirting with trouble

Still very early days though, they’ll no doubt spring up to 17th under Anderton’s guidance. Forest, who are the latest club Michael Owen bench warms for, are struggling for goals at the bottom. Looks like value for money at Burnley too! Forest and Burnley are managed by Pearce and Waddle respectively, so great penalty taking all round.

That’s it for now though, join us next time to see how my return to Elland Road goes and if anybody can get themselves a decent lead in the title race.

I decided my participation in the World Cup meant I’d give it a bit more coverage, but first, let’s see if I can get the summer off to a good start by negotiating the playoffs

Division 1 Playoffs

We make it really difficult for ourselves, after a comfortable first leg win it’s a nervy 1-0 loss at Kidderminster, but either way we’ve booked ourselves at Wembley. The other semi final goes the same way but it is Shrewsbury who hang on.

We’ve beaten Shrewsbury in both other meetings this season so I’m not too worried – and rightly so, as Mail delivers for me (zing)

So that’s it, I’ve got Liverpool back in the big time. It wasn’t pretty but we did it, and that’s all that matters. The board love it and for some reason you get money thrown at you

That’s the domestic season done, now it’s World Cup time!

World Cup 2006 – England

Here are the groups, there’s a couple of tricky groups to call in there, not least my own

Some of the groups seem very lopsided, Brazil, England and Denmark must be delighted with their draws. With that in mind, here is England’s squad:

Hoddle’s picked a very defensive squad, which is stupid really given the group he’s in. No wonder the league has struggled for goals. It’s a nightmare start for him too

They’re not the only ones enduring a nightmare start though

Innocent Hurst is a great name. I’m happy to get out with a draw in our first game

Landreau keeping things tidy. England endure another nightmare though

No goals in 2 games on home soil, they’re on the verge. We net our first goals in a routine win.That’ll do at least. England need to beat Australia and hope USA beat Sweden.A riproaring 1-0 success is not enough. Sweden beat the USA and that’s it – England are out. We endure one of those days against the Czech’s, dominating but can’t score.

It’s enough to see us through, but we have to settle for second behind Germany. All of that leaves the Groups looking like this:

Denmark have been the most consistent team over this game but they’ve crashed out badly here, they and England have been huge disappointments. Spain, reigning World Champions, are also out. All of this is very good news for me. Last 16 draw is as follows:

Winning the group would have got me Brazil, so I’m not upset at all by the draw. South Africa are routinely taken care of

We’ve yet to concede a goal so I’m starting to think we could do this. Italy will be a sterner test, and we concede our fist goal…

After we miss the first 2 pens, Landreau goes nuts and saved the next 4. We’ve done it! I fully expect to face Argentina, but this is CM…

The Swedes are obviously playing well but I’m happier to be playing them

My confidence is rewarded with an easy win. CM favourite Niclas Alexandersson is at centre back but he can’t handle Tannai. The other semi final sees Germany take Nigeria out.

The Germans stand between me and World Cup glory. It’s all going so well…

At 2-0, we’re in cruise control, but the Germans come flying back at us and take it to extra time. To make matters worse, Legwinski gets a second yellow in injury time and we’re facing an extra 30 minutes a man light. However, straight after the restart, Maurice pings one in the top corner and we win on golden goal. Bedlam!

Off to Argentina in 2010. Meanwhile, I’ve won manager of the year (Division 1)

Finally, here are the awards:

My mate Victor Marco at Leeds getting some well earned rewards. Immediately, I resign from France, my job done. Now I just need to decide if I will stay at Liverpool…

As we reach the closing months of the 05/06 season, it’s all to play for as Chelsea look to retain their Premier League title whilst competing on all fronts, whilst I continue the eternal struggle that is the football league. As ever, we kick off with the first domestic trophy of the English season, the League Cup (sorry Charity Sheild fans)

League Cup

It’s a good start to trophy season for Tony Adams, his Chelsea side, coming from behind to beat Bolton, with the obvious bonus of Bolton’s keeper being sent off making all the difference.

What a happy Tony. Anyway, let’s see how the FA Cup turned out

The FA Cup

First of all, the semi finals saw Chelsea defeat Birmingham but Leicester sprung a surprise and beat Aston Villa. Should be a great final

Oh. Not quite then. Back in these days, it’s a good old fashioned replay to settle it.

Well well, Tony’s having himself a double! Leicester can take solace in a great run though.

Premier League

It was all getting a bit tight as Chelsea’s cup commitments left them with games in hand that could prove pivotal. However, this was a strange decision:

Man Utd’s goal keeper , who will be part of England’s World Cup squad, is sold to Bolton on the last day of the transfer window. No replacement is signed. How odd! There’s some other late movers too

Not to mention this

Perhaps one of his own free kicks hit him. Either way, he will miss the World Cup.

Anyway, it all boils down to the last day of the season in the Premier League, Chelsea are chasing Man Utd and need Brian Little’s Aston Villa to do them a favour.

An emphatic loss at Villa Park means Chelsea just have to dispatch Burnley – great times for Tony, he’s won the lot! At the bottom, all the sides involved in the relegation scrap over the final spot win, meaning Hull are relegated. Arsenal survive – just!

Note the goal scored column from the best league in the world. 44 scored in 38 games for the Champions…

Either way, the English sides are doing well in Europe. Keegan’s Blackburn triumph in Madrid

Whilst McManaman is victorious for Leeds

Champions League

No such luck for Chelsea in Europe though, despite a home win against Real Madrid they lose 4-2 on aggregate

Real Madrid go on to win the final in a thriller after extra time.

Meanwhile, you’re probably all wondering what happened to Liverpool. We just missed out on automatic promotion:

So it will have to be the playoffs. How did we get on? Well, you’ll have to read the next update.

As I have a World Cup to attend and a playoff final to win, I’m going to make this a 2 parter, but don’t worry, it’ll be available tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll see you here then.

After my epic flounce out of Leeds to kick off the 05/06 season, my quest to get Liverpool back in the big time at the first opportunity is not going to be as easy as I thought. In fact, it’s an epic struggle. There was also a boat load of manager changes – and that’s what we’ll kick off with

Roy Evans pre-dates the footsteps of Chris Coleman and David Moyes and takes on the Sociedad job, poor old Roy was on top of the world 6 years ago and now his reputation is in tatters. Speaking of which, France qualify for the World Cup and decide the best solution is this:

I’ll have that thank you kindly

This make the Liverpool manager a blue, or at least les blues gaffer. Wahey.

Anyway, back at Liverpool we’re all about the seriousness

The season is taking a bit of an upturn, with results like this

Good old Nevland. That’s sadly as good as it gets and a lot of thrown away wins into draws means our promotion hopes are in balance.

It could be worse though, poor old Riccy

Destined to never recover that boy. Incidentally, the France squad is amazing and I’m delighted to be their manager for the World Cup. Decent start too

However, my enthusiasm is soon dampened by this stinker of a World Cup draw

For those wondering, here’s England (the hosts!) draw

Easy! Lucky Glenn. However what should be one of England’s great hopes is on the move

For £1.6m, Forest have a bargain. He never really got a good shot of things at Villa. The first final of the season is set up, as Colin Todd’s omni present Bolton will go up against Tony Adams’ Chelsea

I’m sure it’ll be a thriller. In the FA Cup, we had a brief flurry to the 5th round which included beating Premier League Wolves

Bit of extrat time drama at Molineux. That’s as good as it gets though as we lose to Kinnear’s Spurs. The semi finals see the familiar appearance of Chelsea, blast from the past Villa and resurgent Ron Atkinson’s Birmingham.

Birmingham sit comfortably top of Division 1, putting me to shame

Might have to be the playoffs, which is a bit embarassing but it’s a difficult league to get out of. Yes?

Meanwhile the Premier League looks like this:

Man Utd up there again, but Chelsea’s games in hand could give them the momentum. Villa and Leeds are a mile back really.

Meanwhile at the bottom, Coventry are slipping away with WBA but the last spot could be tight. Look at Arsenal failing again.

Anyway, in the next update we’ll find out if I can get the biggest club ever to play in Division 1 promoted and whether the French can win in England, if we get out the group I think we could do it. Spare a thought for Scimmy though

After Leeds collapsed like the Ikea furniture I make, Chelsea took the Premier League title under the management of Tony Adams. As we also bottled it against Bolton Wanderers in the Champions League, I’ve thrown my toys out of the pram and gone to rescue a club in need

Liverpool have just been relegated and Roy Evans left in shame. I’ll be able to re-build the squad as the firesale is already underway before I’m even in the job

Obviously I need some pals with me, so this is my first move

Best mate. Anyway, you’re probably all wondering who replaced me at Leeds. Well…

I don’t think anybody expected that to happen. Transfers as usual are a bit mad

This is the squad I’m hoping will take me back to the Premier League

Why did I leave? Well, I was pretty annoyed by the collapse at the end of the season and both Landreau & Bowyer wanted to move to a bigger club (they haven’t yet). Another season in the UEFA Cup didn’t really appeal to me and the chance to re-build a big club like Liverpool is too good to turn down, I just hope I can get out of Division 1 at the first time of asking.

Also, Scimeca is still broken

The Charity Shield gets the season under way

A resounding victory for Tony Adams and friends. But soon, it’s time for former Chelsea manager Gordon Milne to find his way back to the Premier League

Good grief. But still, that’s just the start of the merry-go-round

Then finally, a nice homecoming

After all of that, the season is progressing nicely and I’ve got Liverpool up in the top 4 of Division 1. As ever, with a lot of new players it takes a bit of time to gel but then we get going, it’s been a good rise up the table. Unfortunately, Premier League clubs want my star player

I’ve said no for now but to prepare me I’ve brought in another old friend

Keane isn’t getting a game under McManaman so I’m happy to take him off their hands. Here’s the top of Division 1

Big Ron’s Birmingham leading the way, for now. In the Premier League though, Brian Little’s got Aston Villa back on top ahead of Man Utd & Leeds, with Sheff Utd joining the party. Adams’ Chelsea are not far behind – though they do knock me out of the league cup on penalties.

At the bottom, it’s early days but Everton’s yo-yo existence looks like continuing. Marashliev has retired sadly, but then so has Paolo Maldini and Blackburn are ok.

Join us next time where hopefully I’ll be well on the way back up and maybe Riccy Scimeca will get a new jaw fitted. Feel free to give me abuse on twitter for my latest job change.

The 04/05 season is coming to a thrilling conclusion, and with my Leeds side still in the hunt on 3 fronts, let’s see how it unravelled. And let me tell you, it really did unravel.

League Cup

It took 120 minutes, but eventually…

Bakayoko wins it at the death and the pointless trophy is mine. Things are getting tricky though, Beckham has picked up a long term injury and we’re struggling massively without him, chances seem to be at a premium. Keane is still very inconsistent and Bakayoko has had a few injuries.

Champions League

You’d think we’d be on a high after the cup final win, but instead we play atrociously and Colin Todd’s team take full advantage

Shameful. Todd’s side were unrelenting but we were awful. That’s all over then, the second leg is a procession for both teams

Few will have predicted the Bolton vs PSG final but it’s a cracker

Poor Bolton – a valiant effort. I wonder if they will ever get another crack at the big time?

Premier League

This season has another classic finale. Let me guide you through it

So with 2 games to go, it’s a great time to be me. My game in hand is at Old Trafford though, so that’s tricky. The goal differences are so close so if I can avoid defeat at Old Trafford, they are out of it and it’s between Chelsea and us. Unfortunately, Robbie Fowler (just back from his leg break) scores in a 1-0 win and makes it all very tight

Chelsea host Newcastle whilst I go to Coventry. If we both lose, Man Utd would steal it with a win against Leicester. To make matters even more exciting, look at the bottom of the table:

Liverpool play at Hull in the odd situation where they are on the verge of relegation.

We have another bad day and lose 3-1 at Coventry. Man Utd ease past Leicester, so it’s all down to Chelsea vs Newcastle

Tony Adams has done it! A late goal sends Stamford Bridge tepid and Chelsea have their first title. Because of the results, I’m 3rd which means no Champions League. Furious.

Liverpool’s failure to win at Hull means they are relegated. Unthinkable.

Wow. Let’s see if the FA Cup was any more sensible

FA Cup

Not really! The form book is turned upside down and it’s a Blackburn vs Leicester final. Keegan gets his hands on the trophy

Very comfortable in the end. It’s a season of disappointment for Newcastle though as they are beaten in the UEFA Cup final too

So all that’s left is the awards ceremony. I’ve got a face like a slapped arse after how that has all transpired and I think this award is purely ironic

Jerks. He’s the rest of the awards

Roy Evans resigns out of shame, and I’m presented with an opportunity. Do I want to re-build one of England’s most successful clubs?

PS – poor Riccy and his grotesquely swollen jaw