Hello! Welcome to yet another new season – the 17th, if you are counting. I’ve taken Newcastle up to Division 1, after a 10 year absence, and we’re just showing signs of adapting. I am in demand elsewhere though, whilst a famous name is sacked and then hired elsewhere. Let me explain…

Obviously there’s a need to improve the squad to do battle in a higher division, and such is my want I’ve gone for re-gens. You don’t get much better than Zidane and Ronaldo’s reincarnations

The best news is a few weeks later I was able to get Ronaldo junior on a permanent deal for a measly £210k. Lovely!

The squad looks a lot different to the one I inherited 12 months ago

Davidson is the usual number 1, I had him at Norwich towards the end of my tenure and he was excellent backup for Pascual. Bird & Horlock are full internationals for Wales & Northern Ireland respectively, and Nigel Heskey is a former England Under 21 international who I also had at Norwich. I’ve essentially got Zidane, Weah and Ronaldo of the future so patience is key!

It’s been an average start, knocked out of the league cup over 2 legs by Man Utd and just into the top half of the table

Anyway, away from Division 1 there’s a Charity Shield to be won

Sheff Wed excel when it doesn’t matter but they’re getting reputations as chokers when it really matters. They did however get a creditable draw with Sevilla in their Champions League group, but it’s taken it’s toll on their league campaign. More on that later.

With Man Utd not qualifying for Europe they find themselves in the rare position of having to balance the books

I am proud of what I built at Sevilla, and Darlo for that matter. Anyway, a legend of the game has walked from Leeds, just a month into the new season after overseeing their relegation.

For some reason, another relegated club thinks “I’ll have some of that”

Leeds and Coventry sit 16th and 20th respectively. Oh dear.

Fiorentina saw fit to sack Cesare Prandelli and, because they are wise, offer me the position. I didn’t even apply!

It’s a similar situation at Man City, as Father Phil hands in his notice

I don’t want this on either

Thanks anyway lads. It’s nice to be offered high profile jobs but fundamentally I won everything there was to win and now I’m managing in the First Division, it has to be the right job. Mark Hateley takes the job, meaning Wolves are on the prowl for a new gaffer

Time for one more sacking

But his successor has yet to be appointed – and yes, I did turn it down. Time for the tables

Man Utd are back on top, free of any European commitments, whilst Matt Le Tissier has been showing signs of getting Arsenal together for some time now. Where are Sheff  Wed?

Oh Bryan. That defence is…leaky. Wimbledon have been as much a yo-yo club as any whilst Chelsea have lived a very average existance, which has continued under Nick Barmby.

It’s still early days of course and I’ll be hoping to turn midtable obscurity into at least the playoffs, whilst I’m sure Bryan Robson won’t be panicking just yet. Mind you, if they go down there’ll be a scrum for Rotchen…

So join us next time as we see what 2014 brings to this already mad time.