Good day to you. It’s the end of the 2012/13 season and there’s all sorts to play for. My Newcastle side go looking to secure a 2nd Division playoff place, Bryan Robson is trying to win the league for Sheffield Wednesday and Man Utd try to stave off relegation. What? You read that right. Let me elaborate…

But first, who wants a trophy?

League Cup

Bryan Robson gets one over his former club with an impressive, ultimately pointless win

Take that, Leigh Townsend.

FA Cup

We may as well stay with the cups. Palace knocked us out in the quarters but my old club Darlington ensure they go no further.

There’s a replay needed for Liverpool vs Arsenal though, which is a bit of a classic.

Brian Little wins, as always. Except in the final, where he doesn’t.

Windscreen Shield

I don’t normally bother with this but it was an all Magpie affair at Wembley.

With a minute to go we were loving life, but an equaliser took it to extra time and 2 minutes later a sudden death golden goal won it for Steve Bruce’s Notts County. I bet he bloody loved it.

Still, I have other things to attend to…

Division 2

In the last update I brought you the news that we had somehow turned things around and crept into the top 6. We just about manage to cement that place to book a two legged tie with Kettering.

For those wondering, Kettering have Michael Bridges. We just about get the job done.

Sunderland and Newcastle at Wembley on the same bank holiday weekend? London police will be delighted.

Although Sunderland lose to the cobblers, it isn’t an omen for us as we brush Watford aside with one of our best displays

Get in. Ibrahim finishes with 36 goals, whilst Joni gets 33 but a mighty 29 assists. We end as the divisions top scorers, which is nice. It means the club are back in the First Division for the first time since the 2002/03 season when they were relegated.

Champions League

Bit of a change of pace now, as we look at Europe’s Elite. Both of my former clubs are left stunned as Juventus and PSV will play out the final

Remarkably, PSV win it

The Dutch League isn’t even loaded, so quite the achievement.

Sevilla have to settle for La Liga whilst Bologna beat Hellas Verona to the Serie A title, so no Champions League at all for Juventus.

Premier League

It was turning into quite an interesting race for the title when I left you last, and it all boils down to the final day

It’s not just an exciting title race either, the relegation zone looks fairly tight

So 3 teams can win the title (mathematically at least) and 5 teams are in risk of relegation. Sky would be going ballistic. The fixtures:

Amazingly all the teams involved have avoided playing others involved. I’m sad to see Pedro’s Middlesbrough relegated but no doubt he’ll be preparing to rip up Division 1 as a player. Anyway, here’s what happened:

Sheffield Wednesday just needed to win, and they failed. Gerry wins again. Beckham’s Leeds have blown it, a home loss to already relegated Middlesbrough seals their fate and makes the rest of the results meaningless. The First Division is going to be tough for me to get out of next season!

Here’s how it ended

Scott Colcombe (who?) has done a great at Derby, the league has been very random here.

Confirmation of the bottom:

Bryan Robson’s week goes from bad to worse

Pick the bones out of that. Rotchen (Batistuta, remember) misses two penalties in 20 minutes and all his team mates catch the curse, allowing Napoli to win the Cup Winners Cup. Cagliari win the UEFA Cup in a good year for Italy.

Awards time!

So that’s all, another season has come to a close. We’ve had 16 seasons now so thank you for staying with me, hopefully there’s a lot more to come! See you next time as I go head to head with Peter Beardsley (but I’m not putting my boots on, I promise)

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