The Stockport Diaries: Season 2 – Part 11

What a feat this could be for Stockport. In their first season in the Premier League, they stand three games from European football. Matt Porter is well on the way to having a statue built in his honour. That’s if they can get over the finish line…(Part 10 available here)

Well here we are, it’s d-day. Do or die. I feel like I am being slightly overdramatic but I also feel I am totally allowed given our performance this season. One final push boys, I mean it would be silly NOT to be in Europe really given how close we are to Manchester Airport?? Just to recap, well, I’ll let the table tell the story….


Just 3 games to go, and I am hoping we can cling onto top 5 which I THINK is enough for Europe… this may end up as a bit of an anti-climax as I don’t really know how many qualify. Liverpool won the League Cup with Blackburn as runners up and the FA cup final is between Newcastle and Liverpool, but to be quite frank who knows!

Newcastle are still leading the way and it is the slightly less emotional Kenny Dalglish in charge, although I’m sure he’d ‘love it’ just as much if they do prevail. If they do I’m sure the signing of Trevor Sinclair and Alan Stubbs will be looked upon as the key…


Talk about timing, I mean, 3 more games you absolute dickhead…


He can go, we’ve lost big names before. No man is bigger than Stockport.

Anyway, it’s game day and we need this…. We’ve got a lot of knackered players and 2 games in 3 days so I rest Carlita, Jarni and Bound. I could do with resting more as our next game is Man U, but I need the result so I’ll worry about that one when it comes around.


For 40 minutes we are awful and I mean dreadful. Dave Lucas performs miracles to keep it down to 2-0, but then we wake up and are brilliant for 5 minutes, score 1 and nearly equalise. If we carry on like that we can turn this one around.


This may be petering out… we get battered and deserve it. It may be a step too far but I have nothing but praise for my team, how could I have anything else? Having said that it was awful today, It is no exaggeration to say that it could have been double figures, Dave Lucas was superb.


Next up is the small matter of Man U, and are team are knackered. Changes coming, hopefully they will do the job, and I’m going to play an extra centre midfielder to shore things up. I have a bit of an injury/knackered player crisis too, to the extent I only have Tom Youngs available as a right sided player to play at wing back plus a very very average looking back 3…. I’m worried!


Well talk about making things difficult… We play pretty well but are 1 behind in both goals and players… This could be a long second half.


David Lucas is a football genius, but even he can’t stop Jardel inexplicably overhitting a chip and scoring an own goal. Is he auditioning for a big move to United? Words fail me…. 3-0 and even Gary Neville scores, although I don’t think that’s too bad against that lot with 10 men for over an hour.


Well We are at least guaranteed top 7, I’d have taken that at the beginning of the season! It’s all about perspective… The title race is so so close, and Man U probably think that actually 3-0 against us was a poor result, they needed more goals! Only 2 difference in goal difference between them and locked together on points… Man U have Leeds at home last game which could be tricky, Newcastle slightly easier Wimbledon at home, but they do have the UEFA cup final the midweek before…


Final game is away at Bolton and I can still get higher…. I can put a full strength side out, let’s show them what we can do!


Well that was a cracking first half! We edge it and are 3-2 up at half time and deservedly so…


Well if Jardel is leaving, he’s saying a fantastic farewell… I keep on getting a weird sense of déjà vu, seeing Jardel at the Reebok, except he’s fatter in my visions and he certainly never scores… Weird. Anyway! Not a bad way to finish.


Newcastle have done it! They’ve held their nerve and everyone outside of Man U is delighted. That’s secondary to the main news though… we’ve finished 6th! Sheffield Wednesday were outrageously rubbish, and so we have sneaked in… what a season, well played lads! I think we’re in Europe, although can’t be sure yet, but sod it, we’re going to celebrate in Bolton and pub crawl all the way across Greater Manchester to Stockport, it may take a couple of weeks but we’ve got the time!!

See you on the other side folks, if we make it past Levenshulme without alcohol poisoning. Ian Gray is planning the route, so it may take a few months not a few weeks…

Matt will be back after the World Cup with season 3, but you can keep up to date with him on Twitter @PorterMatt

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