It’s the end of season 4 for the CM9798 Academy and a tremendous run of form has propelled us into playoff contetion. Is this our time to make the Premier League? We’ve got momentum on our side but we also have the leakiest defence in the top half. The problem with being good is that your players are wanted…

We pick up this update with 16 games to go.

Steve Strong has been a bit part player for a few years now so his departure is sentimental rather than a real problem

What is a real problem though is Gareth Billing’s latest setback

At least he’ll be back for the playoffs if we get there.

We race into a 2-0 lead at Bradford but it turns out pretty badly in the second half and in the end I’m relieved to get away with a draw.

That’s followed up by a trip to table topping QPR. Three goals in 21 minutes and this is a real statement of intent. We want to go up!

Williams is sensational. He helps himself to two more as we go 3rd.

A crazy old game at Portman Road sees Williams help himself to two more but as our lead is reduced to a single goal on two occasions it’s a relief the last half hour is a calmer affair despite Cambiasso’s idiocy.

He adds to his red card with an own goal. A bit of a disaster against another playoff hopeful.

Hull have come through the divisions with us and we just can’t shake them.

Mind you so have Shrewsbury and they get pushed aside. Take that, Shrewsbury.

Peterborough are another playoff hopeful and Williams’ goal just before half time sets us on our way. But yet again we can’t put them away and it’s soon 1-1. A point is better than nothing but hopefully that won’t come back to bite us.

Middlesbrough away is a big game. They’ve taken over at the top since we ruined QPR and with Noel-Williams and Carl Griffiths, they’re a constant threat. But we’re strong and rise to the occasion, eventually taking the lead through sub Ugo Howard. McBride sees red 5 minutes later in conceding a penalty which Griffiths blazes over but he scores a minute later. Chaotic scenes but a point will do us.

There may be trouble ahead. Ike is licking his lips.

Oh man. We’ll miss him.

It never rains but it pours. Our right back is on his way too.

Finnan leaves the same day, he’s only been with us a few months.

Dr Death goes the following day. 30 goals. Hold me.

ANOTHER ONE

DJ Khaled. Dow is a backup defensive midfielder but has seemingly done enough to impress Sheff Wed.

The squad is a little light so here’s the re-gen of Denis Irwin to keep us busy

I actually think he’s an upgrade on Finnan but not really a wingback. Ah well.

Let the good times roll…

I think we miss Williams. A lot.

Billing returns and I hump his leg like Mini me in Goldmember. Get me promoted please. Crystal Palace turn up and lead 3-2 against us. This feels like a watershed moment. McBride plunders in a free kick to steal a point…then finishes a 1 on 1 in stoppage time to send us wild. Promotion is back on the cards!

Billing smashes Tranmere. We’re a rabid animal now.

Even our bogey team Southampton are eventually beaten by the boy Billing. He’s cashing in.

A tricky day out in Swindon is settled by supersub Howard. Only 3,379 witness it though but it definitely happened.

We can smell the top two and a bizarre fixture scheduling works in our favour. Our last game of the season is brought forward due to Everton needing to play a home game on a Sunday or some rubbish and would you believe it, it’s Port Vale. The team who ruined our playoff hopes last season can now stop us in our automatic promotion traps. Not this time!

Our season finishes with a 6-0 dismantling of Coventry. Sam Shilton scores against his former club as we run riot against a side in the playoffs. Ruthless.

We’ve done our bit. All our games played, it’s down to Chelsea and Middlesbrough to deny us our party.

What? Not now man.

Yesssss! Adrian Chiles is welcome to visit any time. We’re going up!

Well, obviously.

Here it is, not quite in black and white but close enough. 105 goals is quite the haul.

How on earth are we going to survive in the Premier League with this set of idiots and only free transfers to sign? I need the best re-gens on offer. But first, a look at those who have taken us to the top flight in only our 4th season of existence without spending a single penny:

Gareth Billing netted 27 in 32 despite some big injuries. He has 79 in 116 for the club.

He was ably supported by Simon Buckley who is equally capable in attacking midfield or up front. Just the 29 assists from the man who has been with us since the first season.

Steve Williams of course played a huge part in getting us promoted but will now warm Sheff Utd’s bench forever

Michael Twiss has a First Division medal but Chelsea have bought other strikers. Will he keep his place?

Whilst Twiss left Man Utd, Ryan Morrison is trying to make a name there. It’s not going well.

Gary Simpson and Jeff Brazier finished 7th with Bolton.

 

Whilst Anthony Betterton was relegated with Barnsley and left for West Ham

Lee Norfolk never got his big move from St Johnstone whilst Chris Pearson scored 9 in 23 for CLyde who finished 9th of 10 in the Scottish 3rd Division. McCormack played just 5 games for Celtic whilst Dow has yet to debut for Sheff Wed.

Danny Gee is actually one of the researchers (Huddersfield) who must have snuck himself in there. He’s inexplicably just cost Southend £1.1m

I think that’s all of interest for now. Let’s see how we get on in the top flight, bye for now!