Mission Impossible – Saving Barnsley: Part 2

Andrew took on mission impossible last week by taking over Barnsley in the Premier League. He pledged to sign no players and set about rewriting history. Will he be able to build on a promising start? Catch up with part one here.

Welcome back to deepest darkest Yorkshire where Premier League players rub shoulders with the public in kebab shops and piss on the floor instead of going to the bathroom. Previously we navigated the summer to find ourselves a top-half side in stark contrast to the fortunes of Danny Wilson’s Barnsley in late 1998. Despite this, any injuries to our key players and we are ruined as half our side couldn’t get a game in Division Two! The vultures continue to circle Moses, and despite his average rating being sky high and well within contract his value remains at just £2.2m.

Pretty much most things so far have been oddly unusual…including this…Man Utd in 13th; note worthy at this point for Utd, Leeds are top.


The Toon come to town, our lead lasts all of three minutes as we can’t hit a Barnsley lass’s arse with a banjo and Batty pokes a loose ball home (I know that whole sentence just doesn’t feel right).


The man from Leek Town with the peroxide blonde head, he say no…


It’s all up-hill(sborogh) against 19th placed Sheff Wed. Bullock is the dogs do-dahs but he can’t get us another point.


The fearsome roar of Oakwell is too much of Lie-chester and their kicker in the sticks.


I’ve tightened up the wing-backs to run a little less distance which has made a difference defensively, but we do feel a little less potent.

Reality Check: By the end of November the real Barnsley had won 4, drawn 1 and lost the rest sitting in 19th place having scored 14 and conceded 43. We’re (unbelievably) in 8th place having won 7 drawn 4 and lost 7 scoring 27 goals and conceding 24. However, 24 of our 27 goals have been scored by Redfearn and Fjortoft #reliant


The Coca-Cola cup was not what we needed it to be. Extra time, Redfearn injured, Bullock injured. We were cruising 2-0 until Leese came on and flapped at every shot he faced. Tall as trees my arse.


We have an absolute tinkler at Ewood Park with our South African international getting an early bath for a reckless challenge on Heskey when really all he had to do was blow in his direction to knock him over.


Finally got lucky in Barnsley after all…



We could do with a result soon, its looking like history repeating with a poor December.



Everything isn’t gay in the meadow for us, we scrape a 2-2 draw with Division Three Shrewsbury in the FA Cup. An unneeded replay on the 14th it is.


Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet up! A win-away! Timone and Pumba will be pleased.

We make it into the 4th round where we’ll face the might of Division Three Lincoln City, if this result is anything to go by it will be a massive challenge for my Tykes.


Normal service is resumed as we crumble to 20th place Palace.


Goals galore as we find out shooting boots for the cup. That said, we had 18 shots and 3 goals disallowed.


January is no olive branch…and comes to an end leaving us feeling as flat as pancakes. We just cannot find the onion bag at the minute.


Yes Jovo, you can count our shots on target…


Reality Check: At the end of January Danny Wilson’s boys were rock bottom in 20th place. We find ourselves in 13th place, having lost our top-half status and we’re now in negative goal difference territory. At least we are still above Man Utd!


Will the lads get their survival bonus chippy tea and ten pints? Can the multi-national dressing room avoid pissing each other off too much? And can I keep Redfearn and Fjortfoft fit?

See you back in Yorkshire soon, as we try our best to avoid being drawn back into a serious relegation dog-fight, although by name it’s a task we should be up for!

You can follow Andrew on Twitter @KingOfTheRooks

1 thought on “Mission Impossible – Saving Barnsley: Part 2

  1. Pingback: Mission Impossible – Saving Barnsley: Part 3 | CM 97/98

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