Well good howdy to you all. Here in Retirement country, the old lads are doing themselves proud by sitting 4th. With relegation surely not even on the radar this year we are well placed to build on our high finish of 6th. Still, the cold winter months have been known to cause problems for the elderly and let me remind you, two of my centre backs are over 40.

I don’t really know what to make of the league these days, there was once a time that Derby away was considered a tough place to go. Then again, there was a time where most of these players were successful and could move. Juan Veron rolls back the years with the winner on the hour.

Winning 2-0 in Florence was the perfect end to an Italian getaway and we have to make sure we finish the job in the return leg. Incredibly, we’re 4-0 up at half time. I don’t know what’s happening here but I like it.

Our reward? Partizan Belgrade. Clydebank are a pig amongst guinea pigs. I tell the lads Belgrade is lovely in November (it isn’t).

Seriously, test our collective piss. Everton get the thrashing of a life time. This is our utopia.

And yet…Keith B-Real wants out. No, Keith.

This win at Old Trafford puts us top of the league. TOP OF THE LEAGUE.

How do you celebrate that? A 0-0 draw at home. I’d rather be in our shoes than theirs but it’s not comfortable.

Zola sees off Hull. Good lad.

Huddersfield are very annoying, they get their usual victory over us thanks to a Finnish winger. So now you know.

It’s a big game in Belgrade. Do you like holidays? Free holidays? Good. Make sure you get through then and you could visit Clydebank. Ole listens, we’re in the last 8!

Strasbourg. So we meet again. You may remember I made enemies with this lot in the Mulhouse save. They still annoy me now even on a completely different save. Just the 4 English clubs in the last 8. Running out of holiday destinations.

Plymouth have had our number more often than not but we race into a 2 goal lead. Despite a difficult 20 minutes, it’s three more points.

We have a Boxing Day to forget as Newcastle twice come from behind to take all three points. I enjoyed our spell at the top but it’s over.

Ipswich away in the FA Cup and I’m amused to find they still have Glonek in goal who used to thwart us regularly in the Division 1 “Cascarino” days. He’s unable to cope with my now wonderful team.

A ground out win at Villa Park two days later puts us top of the league again. What a time to be alive.

The clash with Sunderland is heading for a bore-draw but former Darts player Terry Jenkins gets sent off and a minute late Solskjaer wins it. You’re witnessing the blurst of times here.

Sibi sees off West Ham. He’s 37. Our three centre backs have a combined age of 122. This shouldn’t be possible.

Burnley away in the cup is another potential banana skin. We have two green shells though in Zola and Veron and those banana skins are banished. That was a Mario Kart gag, possibly a first.

Arsenal or Leeds away. Sheesh. Not a great draw but we’re amazingly competent.

See? Here we are drawing 0-0 with Liverpool. We’re still top. We couldn’t, could we?

We’re behind at Man City but we’ve got something approaching gumption these days and find an equaliser. With Solskjaer banned (he literally gets booked every time he plays, he’s scum really) it’s left to Kevin Gallen to score his first goal of the season. Who else? Werthers Originals all round.

Well, well, well. Look who’s top of the table.

None of this makes any sense. I mean yes, fair enough, Moore the goalkeeper is 26. He’s averaging 7.52. Zola is 28, averaging 7.40. Solskjaer is nearly 39 and has 20 in 29 games. Couto is 42 and averaging 7.51. I just don’t get how it’s happening after years of toil. Maybe it’s karma. Maybe class really is permanent. But what I do know is that next week, we have the chance to become Premier League champions. I’m not crying, you are.