CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 46: And we mean to go on and on and on and on

Well hello there. Happy Sunday. Season 15 is about to come to a close but it might be historic. It might be the greatest blog you’ll read. Ever? This week? This month? In the last 10 minutes? We’ll see. But LOOK AT THE TABLE. 13 games to become old champions. Beyond our wildest dreams.

PL Top Feb S15

We’re also still in the FA Cup and our third consecutive away tie sees us face Premier League Leeds. Somehow we come up with the goods again, old man Ole does his thing and we’re in the quarters.

Leeds away FA Cup

Back to league action and we’re on for another vintage away performance as Veron scores from all of 30 yards. Boro, who recently tempted Bryan Robson back to the hotseat from Sunderland, snatch a late leveller. Sickener.

boro away S15

Another edgy game sees us just about beat Leeds. It’s February, it’s a bit early to be getting squeaky.

Leeds home S15

And yet, that is what is happening. Wolves are too organised for us and we fall to a rare home defeat. Concerned much?

wolves home S15

Off we go to Strasbourg, who I still hold a grudge against after Mulhouse eventually toppled them in that wonderful save. My feeling towards them is not improved as we suffer a narrow 2-1 loss, though that away goal is useful.

stras away

Yet another away tie but this time it’s against Division 2 strugglers Halesowen. We should change our name to HalesOle because his hat-trick puts us through. That’s the type of quick wit you come here for.

halesowen FA

SHOCK DEFEAT. Not for us, for Sheff Wed. The game has them pegged as some sort of Barcelona-esque side after they won the UEFA Cup. OGS causes the OMG whilst Santos gets sent off. One step closer to heaven.

sheff wed away S15

Yes! Everything’s coming up Milhouse as Sibi gets the decisive goal. 68 minutes later we’re in the semis.

stras home S15

LEEDS. Not a holiday. But a good chance to make a European final.


York are making a pathetic attempt at Premier League survival and we do nothing to help that.

york home S15

Defeat at Highbury though has us checking over our shoulders once more.

arsenal away S15

This isn’t a good result either. Leeds have the upper hand after the first leg, for sure.

leeds uefa cup semi

Solskjaer looks to have given us the perfect start in our FA Cup semi at Old Trafford but Newcastle come back with De Wit, something we’ve established I lack. I’ll also lack a second FA Cup medal as Rojas sinks us in extra time. Darn.

FA SF loss

A point at Walsall isn’t impressive. We’re struggling with the constant stream of games at the moment.

walsall away S15

Everton are rock bottom of the table and Sibi shows us the way to a good day out at Goodison. However, we find ourselves 2-1 down and the doubts are creeping back in. Maybe a team of 35+ year old’s can’t win the league? Poppycock. Zola and OGS score in the same minute and WE’RE GOING TO MAKE IT AFTERAAALLLLL

everton away S15

Leeds are defeated! We’ll be in the UEFA Cup final against…Sunderland.

Leeds L2

A win over one of our rivals puts us 8 ahead with 9 available for 2nd. We’ve got a game in hand. All of a sudden, we’re on the verge. The precipice.

man utd home S15

If we can win our next game, we are the champions.


I never thought our crowning moment would come in Hull but here we are. In September 1997 we won 2-1 here on our way to promotion to Division 2 thanks to a Mark Chamberlain double and now here we are with a 3-0 win to take us to the top of the mountain.

hull away S15


champions 3 to go

With 3 games to spare as well. It’s so unlike us. We draw 0-0 with Derby, most of the team is rested.

derby home S15

Huddersfield are a bit of a bogey team for us and with one eye on the UEFA Cup final, I care not about this game.

huddersfield home S15

All eyes on the mother of all holidays. Lisbon. The mackems. We beat them in the FA Cup final and have an oddly good record against them in recent times. Paul Jewell is the manager, who knows whether he was caught in an explicit video like he was in real life but if he’s in Sunderland, there’s every chance.

Glaucio gives us the lead and some sort of owl equalises. There’s nothing between the two sides and it goes to penalties. Penalties have been a mystery to us. We miss about 6 a season but have won some decent shootouts over the years, although not at Oldham earlier in the season. PauZo scores. They blaze over. Couto scores. They blaze over. Santos scores. KEITH B-REAL SAVES. YES!

sunderland UEFA Final

What a day. We get on a cruise ship and dock in Plymouth (does Plymouth have a dock? Zak?) an hour before kick off. Still worse for wear, we win 1-0. Party at Zak’s house.

plymouth away S15

That went well.

Champions PL

Sociedad want my 42 year old. No. He is priceless.

Couto bid

Averages play out well for the goalkeeper and the back three. Moore still wants to move to a bigger club, the big idiot. Solskjaer’s goal return is ridiculous for a man of nearly 40.

averages S15Goals S15

I should think so.


Not much to say here except I am a big fan of Steve Ogrizovic being Coventry manager.

Awards S15

So to the retirements. Please, be kind.

Couto decides to quit. I’m distraught. He was still good at 42. Should have taken the £14k.

COuto retires

Santos follows. A year younger but he’s clearly worried that Couto made him look good.

Santos retires

Oh come on man, at least make other positions retire. Lambourde is the latest to go.

Lamborude retires

NO! Captain Bild a bear calls it a day. So young. Another crack at the Champions League too much to ask?

Bild retires

Kolkka the moomin has been a useful squad member. But no great loss.

KOlkka retires

See above comment but Pinto was not a moomin.

Sa Pinto retires

Sergi…should have been good, wasn’t.

sergi retires

Poor Moreno. I hope he gets better in real life.

moreno retires

Bjorkan was the last to go. I heard it on my radio. Then they played the latest number one.

Bjorkan retires

But look on the bright side, there’ll be 1348 more seats to enjoy my lack of squad.

More seats again

I don’t want to focus on the negatives, that is very much future Dave’s problem. We’re league champions and UEFA Cup winners. I always get nostalgic with this save, it was really kicking off as my son was born and I remember sitting by his cot as we reached the Windscreen Shield final which got us out of debt. Cascarino and Cecilia or whatever he was called. The late nights, the trawling the player search trying to find a 35 year old. Mick Quinn and the fact every time I mention him somebody tweets me to tell me he starves horses. The relegations. The promotions. The amount of you who have supported this mental idea for 15 seasons and now 46 episodes.

We’ll get to have a go at the Champions League next week. Yes, as of this writing my centre halves are Michael Duberry and Aitor Karanka. We don’t have a captain. Keith B-Real wants to leave. We’ve overcome the odds before…

6 thoughts on “CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 46: And we mean to go on and on and on and on

  1. What an achievement. Brought a tear to my eye seeing the C next to Retirement Home. I remember the struggle back in the old days and I swear there was a point when you even considered if it was worth going on. Well done. Im looking forward to reading future entries.

  2. All the stars are coming out tonight, they’re lighting up the sky tonight, for you, for you.

    Super pleased at your achievement mate. Absolutely cracking mate.

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