Ryan Reynolds’ Wrexham: A Global Force – Part 3: On the Pitch | @emsonite

Episode 3 already! Doesn’t time fly. Back to Wrexham and Deano where the Reynolds reign is well and truly underway.

RECAP of rules:

-Only 1 player, per nationality in the squad
-All 7 continents represented in starting XI (Chile represents Antarctica)
-USA must be represented in starting XI
-£20m bank balance at end of season 1
-£30m bank balance at end of season 2
-Win Premier League within 4 seasons

Welcome back!

Ryan Reynolds wasn’t always a big movie star. In fact, during the 1997/98 season he was strutting his stuff in the minor leagues of television in Two Guys & a Girl. As we build up a kitty, The Racecourse Ground will be the Pizza Place for players across the world to showcase their talent, enhance their reputation & get a move.

To do that they’ll need a platform in which to perform. Here’s a reminder of the match day tactics screen from the last episode:


This formation is my ‘go-to’. There is nothing ground-breaking here; just a preference that works for me. It’s more attritional than flamboyant; the defence and midfield provide a solid base for the front 3 to go and win the game.

GK – It doesn’t matter what formation you play; a bad goalkeeper will scupper your plans. Like a visit from your in-laws, they will ruin your Saturday afternoon.  Got no idea how good Higuita is, but he should be okay for Div 2. Will need an upgrade or 2 before we reach the Premier League though no doubt.

Defence – I like versatility in the fullbacks e.g D RL, D/M L, D LC, D RC. I don’t like signing D R’s or D L’s – they are just 6.25 fodder. Prime example being Rob Jones – with all due respect Rob. You my friend – on this game – are shit.

Midfield – The good thing about this formation is you can load up the squad with M C’s which helps with injures, suspensions & International duty.

Forwards – A free role for the number 8. Wegerle has the shirt for now due to his Nationality, but I’ll be looking to upgrade. One player I love for this position is Nikola Milinkovic. I’ll be keeping an eye out for him. The 2 strikers – like all strikers – will be judged on goals.  

I’m already confident of promotion this season so once the games are looking won, I’ll be bringing on subs to get their appearances, averages and value up for flogging. 


After all the hype, our first game is upon us away at Northampton. The travelling Wrexonian supporters are not sure what to make up of the team sheet. The Supporters Trust are starting to regret handing the keys over to Ryan Reynolds. They’ve never heard of most of these new players. Crowd favourites such as Chalk, Russell & Connolly have been replaced with a Yank, a striker from the Thai Farmers League and a fucking Antarctican.

So, in the team talk I tell the lads they’ve got something to prove. Kevin James leads the players out and as they are crossing the white line at The Sixfields, Reynolds offers the players some extra motivation.

It seems to have done the trick. All grumbles soon turn to cheers as Rozental helps himself to a first-half hat trick. The game is looking won so I give Caldwell a run out. The Canadian GK duly concedes a goal within a minute and flaps his head at the linesman (Won’t be playing that twat again). Fortunately, Natipong adds a fourth to spare my blushes and the wrath of the owner.

So 3 points and the Wrexionian supporters head back to North Wales merry and daring to dream.

However, Reynolds and I are well aware that this is a league we should piss. The tougher challenges lie ahead. As we get back to HQ, we sit down in the boardroom to look at team value. Rodriguez (£99k) is now up to £2m. If any bids come in around that asking price, he’s off. He goes on the transfer list. He’s joined by Higuita (£88k).

I’ll be keeping an eye out for ‘Wnt’ signs and will try to entice some bids.

Join us next week where we continue our journey and try to build up a WAR CHEST!

1 thought on “Ryan Reynolds’ Wrexham: A Global Force – Part 3: On the Pitch | @emsonite

  1. Rob McElhenney is a American actor he has been in 8 films and also starred in Law And Order, ER, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Lost, How To Be A Gentleman, Living Loaded, Unsupervised, The Mindy Project, On The Record With Mick Rock, Fargo, The Cool Kids, Spikeface, Game Of Thrones and Mythic Quest Raven’s Banquet try looking at Wikipedia. I hope that helps Emsonite

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