Ryan Reynolds’ Wrexham: A Global Force – Part 7: Turkey for Thanksgiving | @emsonite

Recap of Ryan’s rules and milestones:

  • Only 1 player, per nationality in the squad
  • All 7 continents & USA represented in starting XI (Chile represents Antarctica)
  • £20m bank balance at end of season 1 – complete
  • £30m bank balance at end of season 2
  • Win Premier League within 4 seasons
  • Bonus – Win FA Cup
  • Bonus – Win League Cup

Ryan Reynolds wasn’t happy this time last week.

I’ll tell you why; we’ve been drawing too many games.

We’ve been slow out of the blocks but started to turn the corner with the signing of a certain pint-sized Brazilian.

Romario coming in means we can upgrade South American centre-half Alexander Fernandez. There’s £35m in the bank so profit isn’t really a priority at this point of the season. Recruitment is switching to getting players to improve our first team. The money counts for nothing if we don’t get promoted.

Curtis is listed for loan, so he’s cheap and easy. As I’ve said, we’ve got plenty of cash, so we cast our net to see who else bites

Fish! We’ve finally splashed out, reeling him in with a big contact. Let’s hope he holds the line. If he doesn’t, he’ll be getting hooked. He might get some stick from the Bolton fans for dropping down a division, I suppose he’s made a rod for his own back there. My advice to Mark is to rise above the abuse, don’t take the bait*

Curtis and Fish should stop us shipping goals, right?

Wrong. Ipswich score 2 goals from 2 shots on target. Every shot seems to be going in recently which can only mean one thing; Yoshi Kawaguchi is a dodgy keeper. He goes on the transfer list.

Yoshi reflects on what might have been. But I don’t blame him, it’s my fault. I should never have bought a keeper with dinosaur arms. I hope he doesn’t give up on his career; you never know he could end up getting a move to Everton.

So, we need a new Goalkeeper. Kasey Keller has fallen out of favour at Leicester and we pick him up from the transfer list.

Another American coming in means a squad reshuffle with Wegerle going on the list. It also means Influential Saudi Faud Anwar must come into the first team, and he duly takes the captains armband while he’s at it. I’m now regretting selling Natipong Sritong-In as well as our Antarctican goal machine Rozental. But hey ho, hopefully this rebuild can fire us up the league. 12 games in & we’re still off the pace.

QPR on the other hand are flying. Let’s sabotage the fuckers. I notice their star player and top scorer Kevin Gallen is a wanted man. Now, I don’t want him – I just don’t want QPR to have him.

He’s available so we spark the bidding with an offer.

Spurs and Coventry don’t want to miss out, so the next day they make bids too. We withdraw our approach. A week or so later he’s playing Premier League football.

Kevin done well in Division 1 but by being alongside Dion Dublin, Coventry are hoping they can get more miles to the Gallen.  Anyway, he’s out of Division 1 leaving our promotion path a little clearer. I’m not picking on QPR, all clubs above me get the same treatment.

I wasn’t sure if Ryan would approve of the dark arts of trying to win promotion. I suppose it is a bit unethical. I told him what I’d been up to. Fortunately, he saw the funny side.

Talking about players moving clubs, the squad is massive & needs trimming down before player value starts dropping through inactivity.

James joins Luton.

Roy’s off to Vale

And out goes Bjorn. Sacrilege! I know. But I’ve got no time for sentiment. My influential Saudi has taken Bjorns place in midfield, so he’s surplus to requirements.

Taking of my influential Saudi, Anwar scores his first goal for the club. Results start to pick up.

It’s late November & I did promise Ryan turkey for Thanksgiving

No not that one, Ryan.


We’ve turned a lot of those early draws into wins & we’ve started to climb the table. At the mid-point of the season Wrexham have the ascendancy & a Gallen-less QPR should be easier to catch. Lol.

Ryan is in a much better mood at Thanksgiving.

Can we maintain our momentum and reach the Promised Land? Join us next week to find out. Cheerio for now.

*additional Fish puns are encouraged

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