CD Dons – Episode 1: Relocation | @Emsonite

From the wonderful mind of Deano comes a new series. From a time long before the MK Dons, here we have CD Dons. I’ll let Dean explain further…

Introduction

Hello and good day to you all. I’ve never done blogs before but enjoyed reading them so much, I thought I’d give it a go. There is some great content from Dave and the ‘Blog Squad’ who give up their time to entertain us all. 97/98 is my favourite ever football game, I would have been about 14/15 when it came out, so to read & write about it today brings a smile to my face – I hope yours too. My first blog about Wrexham was fairly well-received. One or two snipes; Was it too easy? One or two people took offense. You can’t please everyone, I suppose.

I’m now in a position that a band would call their tough second album. Do we opt for more of the same and try to take it up a notch? Or do we ostracise our listeners, experiment and call it “progression”. It’s shit or bust.

As you can probably already tell, I’m going for more of the same with my second blog. Staying true to my roots. Which means more complete nonsense, parody, uniformed opinions and whatever pops into my head at the time.

So, here goes…

CD Dons

Episode 1; Relocation

Vinny Jones ain’t happy.

Rumours are circling that Wimbledon are relocating to Milton Keynes and will be rebranded as MK Dons! Vinny is not having it and goes to see Sam Hamman.

Sam Hamman: Vinnie calm down. It’s out of my hands. There’s nothing I can do about it. We’ve got to move. You slag.

Jones: But why Milton-Fakkin-Keynes! (that’s the last time I’ll try and type cockney, I promise) I don’t care if they got a Big Bowl, the rest of it is a shit hole. It’s fabricated. The place has got no soul!

Sam: Tell me about it.

Jones: I mean, if we’re going to be relocated. And relocated to a shit hole. Can’t we at least go somewhere that gets a bit of sun.

Sam: Like where?

Jones: Anywhere! If you’re gonna do something wrong – do it right. Let’s go to the Algarve or Spain or something. The fans will still come to see us. They can tie it in with a holiday. And we can pick up a few ex-pats to come watch us, easy. Loads of Brits live in Spain these days.

Sam: Hmm. I’ve never thought about that. Vinny, you’re a genius.

Sam calls an emergency board meeting. The possibility of going abroad is on the agenda. There’s serious backing for this. No one likes visiting Milton Keynes. No one. It’s on. The board feel that they still need to go to a shit hole though. A place that’s working class that will buy into the Crazy Gang culture. A place where Brits can get in and out of cheaply. A place where there’s maybe already a few Brits already living there to buy season tickets.

A few areas are suggested but, in the end, they settle on…

Costa Del Sol! UK Long Name: Costa Del Dons. The club calls the art department and tells them to change the rebranding from MK Dons to CD Dons

There’s still the small matter of getting permission from the Spanish FA to join their league. But a quick threatening phone call from Vinny Jones does the trick and we’re in (I told you this was going to be nonsense)

Costa Del Dons take the place of Atletico B in the Segunda Division. The Spanish FA acknowledged that whilst their football pyramid is heavily weighted to support the big clubs, having B-Teams in the Spanish Championship is taking the piss.

Talking of big clubs and the Spanish-way of doing things, there are some conditions. The Spanish FA send a fax that translates as:

‘’CD Dons. Okay you can join our league, but you must respect our National traditions. We are the land of the tiki-taka! No Direct Football. No dirty play. We don’t want no Crazy Gang here. Leave those demons behind you.  Also please don’t get promoted or win any cups. And Please Please PLEASE don’t upset Real Madrid or Barcelona, as we are afraid of them. They will release the hotel gimp videos. If you accept these terms, please call us to confirm”

Vinny calls them back. “Of course, yes. Beautiful football. No problem. Yes-yes, we will behave ourselves. I promise. Bye now. See you soon.”

F*cking mugs.

Join us next week, where we find out who joins the Costa Del Dons revolution. There are some hard nuts who want a piece of this.

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