CD Dons – Episode 10: Still Got Our Dicks Out | @Emsonite

It’s Deano day! Some say he was named after the pet dinosaur from the Flintstones, others say he is from a family of Brian Deane fans. Either way, he’s got a bunch of angry players to manage…

  • Vinny Jones captain.
  • Only players with Aggression 18+ allowed
  • Hurt the opposition; fan prizes for sending offs, opposition injuries and total disciplinary points.
  • Thug-o-Meter; every CD Dons game is won, drawn or lost on injuries and cards (5 for a red, 3 for an injury, 1 for a yellow). +3 pts for a win, -1 for a draw, -3 for a loss. At the end of the season, I need to be in positive points, or I’ll get the sack.
  • Beat last season’s tally of +40 for extra quadruple pints for the fans
  • Spanish FA really don’t want us to win anything, pfft.

Karma struck in real life as I got CD Donned on the weekend.  Broken leg and torn ankle ligaments. So, whilst writing this episode I’m currently sat on the couch with my feet up in my Pokemon Pyjamas in the middle of the day. The only trousers I can get over my plaster. I thought you might like to picture this on a Thursday morning.

Perhaps being on the receiving end of an injury will make me have more empathy as CD Dons Manager? Quite the opposite. If I’m having it, so are a bunch of fake Spaniards.

Doctor said it will be six weeks for the leg and up to 6 months for ligaments. I just hope my doctor is more accurate than the CD Dons physio. Remember when I bought Julian Dicks back in Episode 6? I said at the time it would be a great signing even though he was out for a year.  That was 10 months ago. So, he should be back soon. But not only is he still injured, he’s out for 6 months longer than he started with.  WTF is that about?

Julian is taking the piss now. Raking in £10k a week for doing absolutely nothing. So, we put him to work in the clubhouse

Lazy twat. Will he ever make his debut?

We carry on without him.

We’re up against Rayo in the Kings Cup. We’re through in style with all the action coming in the first 14 minutes including an injury to Palacios caused by Lasse Olsen.

We’re banging out the injury tattoos this season. The raffle winner is Jonny. Jonny has long hair, a big bushy beard and a black t-shirt. He doesn’t even like football and just came for the craic. He’s a big Metallica fan.

We lose our next game 1-3 on yellows to Celta Vigo so it’s a good time to make a change.

I have been reminded of a few things whilst writing this series. One of which was when Vinny Jones went in goal 25 years ago. Credit @sid_lambert and my fellow bloggers.

Wimbledon may have lost 6-1 to Newcastle that day but they were already down to 10 men having used all 3 subs. The score line could have been a lot worse as Jones made some great saves.

Shall we see how he gets on for CD Dons in our Travelling Keeper role. Only for 2 games, just for a laugh.

Vinny gets an 8/10 and a booking so decent returns on that front. Though he does concede 4 goals as the other keeper gets the blue highlight.

Onto Vinny’s second match.

Okay, I’ll admit it. I only played Vinny there until half time as I didn’t realise it was a Kings Cup game. Realistically, it’s our only shot at silverware this season.

You can tell I swapped them over at HT as Couto got his customary 10 & MOM. He’s the new Winston Bogarde.

We did manage to injure their keeper though you’ll be glad to know.

One more injury one more tattoo for a lucky punter. It’s a hot day, ice cream anyone?

Simple and ineffective.

We draw our next game 3-3 on yellows to Oviedo and then the fixture list then pulls up something tasty.

Lovely stuff. Vinny’s ragtag of grunting hoof-ballers rock up to the Capital of TikiTaka land.

Look how beautiful their team is

10 out of 10 for looks.

And as expected they win the game to the delight of the 109,000 Catalonians.

But our club moto is ‘If you can’t beat them, Beat them.’ And our fans head back down South happy as Paulinho Santos put Denilson out of action just before half time.

That’s another inury and yet another tattoo. A Dons fan gets a memory of our first trip to the Nou Camp


That win takes the Thug-O-Meter to +26 and we improve in this further in our second leg against Gijon.

Another 2 injuries. Brutal from CD Dons. I’m running out of Google images. We’ll just say that 2 injuries = one face tattoo. Being follically challenged, I’ve often wondered what tattooed-on hair might look like. So did Paul from Redcar.

We get a comfortable 4-0 yellow win against Bilbao in our next game

Then we have a massive game against Atletico Madrid. Atletico are one of the harder teams in Spain, and so it proves to be.

All was going well until Mr Nice Guy himself Gareth Southgate get himself sent off to take the game away from us.

Dirty bastard. Don’t trust the quiet ones.

It was 1-1 all on injuries so I’ll spare you another crap tattoo. They cancel each other out.

Pearce is out for 3 months. Old man hips.

So that’s it for another week. It’s been a bit all over the place, and we’ve seen the best and worst of CD Dons in this episode. But overall, we are on course to beat our Thug-O-Meter score from last year.

See you next Thursday.

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