CD Dons – Episode 16: Shear Persistence | @Emsonite

Happy Deano day! The CD Dons are going shopping and the scouts have done their jobs – try and sign a man who once kicked Neil Lennon in the head…

Recap of Rules & Objectives

  • Vinny Jones captain.
  • Only players with Aggression 18+ allowed
  • Hurt the opposition; fan prizes for sending offs, opposition injuries and total disciplinary points.
  • Thug-o-Meter; every CD Dons game is won, drawn or lost on injuries and cards (5 for a red, 3 for an injury, 1 for a yellow). +3 pts for a win, -1 for a draw, -3 for a loss. Double in Europe. At the end of the season, I need to be in positive points, or I’ll get the sack.
  • Beat last season’s tally of +45

Alan Shearer is interested in joining CD Dons, but we haven’t quite got enough money to make a bid yet. Plus, the transfer window is closed until January. We got some money to make between now and then. I’d love to pair Big Al and Big Dunc together like they were at Newcastle for a short spell in real life.

Onto matters at hand, first up its Sociedad. And without Fernando Couto we get battered.

It’s a 4-2 win on yellows though.

Couto is back from suspension just in time for our Kings Cup match vs bitter rivals Espanyol. Couto demonstrates just how important he is to CD Dons with another clean sheet. He just makes everyone else play better. It’s -1 for the Thug draw though.

I don’t know what it is about Espanyol, we just can’t seem to get the better of them at Thuggery.

Next up we play Rayo Vallecano where we get a comfortable 4-1 win on yellows & Leandro helps himself to 5 goals.

MacDonald leaves for Bolton to add to Shearer kitty.

MacDonald and Shearer. I’m sure there was an advert about that.

Such is the monthly losses incurred by only having 6 seats installed at the Benalmadena Arena, we could do with some wins in Europe to add to the coffers. And we get one against Benfica for a nice £750k.

But it comes at a cost. Remember, European ties count double on the Thug-o-Meter; and we take an L for -6. Ouch.

We play Espanyol again in the L2 of the Kings cup. Another 2-0 loss on yellows. Why don’t they just fuck off?

We are through in the Kings Cup though.

Back to La Liga action… this is getting boring and predictable now.  We got to meet Espanyol… Again…. And we are dealt another Thug loss…. Again.

Read that last sentence again in Forrest Gump’s voice. Y’ know, when he’s talking about going to the White House, again… and getting to meet the President of the United States, again. He had about 15 Dr Peppers if I remember correctly.

We’re back on track with a 4-1 yellow win vs Atletico before we go back into European action against Rob Tait’s Red Star. We get £750k Shearer money but take another -6 for losing on yellows.

This session is not going very well on the Thug front.

We beat Gijon 3-2 then draw with the mighty Hercules in our next game before our Champions’ League Group B decider against Bayern Munich.

It’s all going so well when Vinny Jones smashes Nielsen early on. Then Haber takes out Leandro and gets himself sent off in the process just before half time. We take advantage of Bayern’s 10 men for the 3 points but we’re just heading for another European Thug Loss when substitute Ahh Hristo gets a red late on and we take the game 2-0 on yellows!

Crazy game. And that win sees us top the group and earning more Shearer moolah.

The QF draw is made, we play the Tika Taka wankers in the knockouts. Lovely jubbly.

High flying Zaragoza come to the Benalmadena Arena in our next match and The Little Shit is at it again as he takes out Yordi. They turn us over but who cares, we get 3 Thug points.

Aragon son of Arathorn was disappointed with his penalty miss.

Big Money is incoming for Amaral who only signed for £775k a few months ago. Great cash cow he’s turned out to be.

We can definitely afford Shearer now.

On New Year’s Eve we’ve got a Kings Cup QF against Gijon.

We’re all but through and we earn one of our drunken fans a tattoo of an onion on her armpit.

I think that’s what is anyway.

Happy New Year & Happy New Transfer Window. We waste no time in trying to spend our hard-earned cash. 2 bids are made for 2 legends.

But I’m over my word limit so you’ll have to tune in next week to see if we can sign them. I don’t know if we’ll get Shearer or West yet as I’m writing this blog in real time. Absolutely riveting stuff, what a Cliffhanger.

Have you opened today’s door? Check out the CM9798 Advent Calendar here

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