CD Dons – Episode 18: Semi’s Flop | @Emsonite

Resuming life on the Costa del Dons it’s Deano to brighten your Thursday…

Happy New Year to you all. Now, where were we? To be honest I don’t even know myself. I smashed out a load of episodes when I was laid up with a broken leg last year which took me up until Christmas. I haven’t looked at this save or blog for a couple of months. So, let’s do a quick recap – for me as much as anyone. What the hell is going on here?

In nutshell, Wimbledon relocated to Costa Del Sol instead of Milton Keynes because MK is a dive and Vinny Jones didn’t fancy it. After market research with ex-pats and holidaymakers, we are luring in supporters by playing aggressive football with the promise of free pints, crap tattoos & knock-off gear. There is a Thug-O-Meter keeping track of how dirty we are. The players are offered an incentive of free holidays every time they get suspended. Sting has been bankrolling us, but in return his Lock Stock mate Vinny must be our captain. The Spanish are regretting their decision to let us in their league as we are disrespecting the Tiki Taka, bless their cotton socks.

I just read that paragraph back and I hope my kids never read it as well. Or my work colleagues. Or anyone I know in real life for that matter.

Anyway, it’s not to be taken seriously, think of it like a Will Ferrell film. With zero budget.

The Thug-o-Meter is currently at +33. It needs to match or better last season’s tally of +45 by the end of the season.

We won promotion then won La Liga in our first 2 seasons playing Nikolai’s no-keeper system, which is a bit of a game hack in my opinion. There’s no way this should have happened with a bunch of grunting cave men running around the pitch kicking every twat. But here we are.

We qualified from our Champions’ League group and on that note, we begin this episode with a CL Quarter Final L1 against the Tiki Taka darlings themselves, Barcelona. WE NEED TO KEEP OUR COMPUSURE!

Alas, after the big build up there’s nothing to report here. It finishes 0-0 but we win 3-2 on yellow cards for a much needed 6 Thug Points (Thug points are doubled in Europe)

With no away goals against us. We have a decent chance in the second leg.

We win our next La Liga game vs Tenerife on yellows then we’re up against star-studded Betis.

Now one thing I forgot to mention in the recap is Fernando Couto is our star player. He plays the Travelling Keeper role perfectly, often getting 10/10 and he gets plenty of cards for Thug points.

Where do you want your statue Fernando Couto? The red card earns a voucher from some knock off merch from the Benalmadena outdoor market.

CL QF Leg 2 vs Barcelona and we’re through to the Semis but Sanchez Fernando got himself a petulant red to deny us all the glory.

European Thug Loss, -6.

We’re playing the Tax Dodgers in the CL Semi.

Vinny signs a new contract.  

A well-earned pay rise for our captain. Vinny said he didn’t need an agent and negotiations went smoothly. 

Back to La Liga action and we get our arses handed to us. CD Dons reject Cifer gets himself sent off then BOOM! Leandro injured & BOOM! Abdellaoui injured.

This is an embarrassment. We should be doing the injuring! The home supporters start calling for my head. But we’ve had some bad results before, and we’ve bounced back.

We win our next game against Rayo 3-2 on yellows to appease the ex-pats somewhat.

Fernando earns himself his 4th holiday of the year. Couto usually likes to go somewhere to toughen up. Last time he went to learn Muay Thai with Tong Po. This time he’s off Elk hunting with Joe Rogan.

Back to the football, and we’re going to a prime tax dodging celebrity hide out for our CL Semi-final. Couto takes out Thierry Henry but that’s as good as it got as we are battered by a bunch of money launderers on top of a car park. How the other half live eh. 

Still, it’s a Thug Win and Henry’s injury gets a tattoo for one lucky fan. Travis will never forget that trip to McDonalds

2 days later we have Barcelona again in the Kings Cup Semi Final.

We lose 2-1 on yellows and of all players it’s out-of-position Winston Bogarde who gets the winning yellow card in the final minute.

Go fuck yourself Winston, I thought we were friends.


We lose again on yellows against Atletico Madrid then we play our SF second leg against Monaco in the Champions League. And to say our aggressive policy backfires here would be an understatement. We’re 3-0 down from the first leg so we have a mountain to climb. But we are on form today. We race into a 2-0 lead and in the 68th minute we claw it back to 3-3.

Surely there’s only going to be one winner here. We have the ascendancy.

But. 69th minute and Naybet gets a straight red for a vicious hack then Monaco score from the resulting free kick to put the game out of our reach.

There will be no Champions League Final for CD Dons. Usually, Naybet’s name would be mud but he’s only doing what we asked of him. And the red card earns us 6 Thug points and some free merch for a lucky fan – every cloud init.

The last game of this episode is our second leg against Barcelona in the Kings Cup.

The Moldovan Maniac Rebeja takes out Denilson early on, but Denis Bergkamp puts paid to our Kings Cup hopes with a late brace. Still, we are heading for a thug win…. AH YOU TWAT! Luccin gets a red for Barcelona in the 90th minute as they steal the thug win as well.

You gillipolis’!  They done a proper job on us there.

So we’re out of Europe. And out of the Kings Cup. CD Dons are Semi (Final) Flops

We lick our wounds. But let us not be downhearted! We’re 2nd in the league and +42 on the Thug-o-Meter so there’s still plenty to play for at the end of Season 3.

Join us next week to see if we can retain our La Liga crown and get to the +45 Thug mark. Bye for now.

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