Out of the Box Barnsley – Part 5: Kanu believe it?

Welcome back to Barnsley, where we have so far refused to lower ourselves to communicating by Yorkshire stereotypes. We do however find ourselves second in the Premier Division, having the time of our lives or at least the best time on record since that Hovis advert. Was that Yorkshire? Anyway, will the dream season continue?

Oh come on Kevin Street, you’re better than this. Actually er I mean you’re not better than this. Settle for what you are. Change isn’t good!

This is a bad result that sees us knocked out of the Pointless Cup at the hands of Robbie Savage. The indignity.

Feel the entertainment as we draw 0-0 with Newcastle. Halloween fright night.

There’s an underwhelming result too as Brondby escape with a draw, although they needed a win to overturn our 2-1 win in Denmark. So maybe not that underwhelming and Bjorn is delighted to get one over the Danes. To the last 16!

Ah really? REALLY? We couldn’t have got Sion or Spurs could we?

One of our rare trips north of Yorkshire and newly promoted Sunderland. Dean Richards sees red, Heidenstrom misses the pen and then Hristov scores a late winner. For goodness sake lads make it easy for yourselves.

We manage to take the lead twice against Wimbledon only to get pegged back. It looks like more points will be dropped but Hristov won’t be beaten (or drawn) and sneaks the points. Keeping the pressure on.

Off we go to the San Siro where we get dominated for all but one set piece which Fresi puts through his own goal. Watson is stupendous sometimes.

SHOCK DEFEAT. You’re telling me.

SHOCK SIGNING. Will that give them the edge in the title race?

A useful point at Anfield, I suppose. Tricky Trev quietly goes about his business.

Goodness me. Villa take a pounding.

Bullock is attracting business, and not just because we have three of them. Luckily he doesn’t have a big club release clause, so Chelsea can take their £7m and shove it.

He celebrates by scoring the second goal and sealing the win against Tottenham. Mighty Oaks.

Kanu scores an early away goal which most onlookers assume will be the beginning of the end of our European run but no, that man Hristov equalises and misses another penalty just because he can. Fair. We’re through!

Oooh we did get Spurs. Well that could be worse.

Oh David. Calm down.

He takes my denial very badly and lets in the only shot he faces. You don’t get out of this that easily.

Another hard fought win, this time at Southampton, gets this party train back on the tracks. We’re so…professional.

I fart down the phone at Leicester’s offer for Bullock. Absolutely not.

He likes proving a point does Marty, this time he opens the scoring and lovely Devine adds a second. Wonderful scenes here on Boxing Day.

On top of the league looking, down on Man Utd and the only explanation I can find…

£10m!!!!!! No. Stop asking.

The FA Cup sees us get Premier League opposition and we get our traditional one goal but are immediately pegged back. We can’t find another. A replay it is.

Old Trafford is always a tough place to go but now they have Eoin Jess. Ha. Their current manager gives them the lead only for the most expensive Bullock in the business to equalise. That boy will play for England.

He scores again in the replay but it all goes a bit flat. Ostenstad equalises and when Novotny is sent off we sense blood. Ah and then we lose. Tony Blair’s favourite De Zeeuw puts through his own goal and we won’t be winning the FA Cup.

Bullock is some boy. He scores again but once again we can’t find a second goal. It finishes 1-1 and Shaun Newton is sent off. Not the best day.

A Yorkshire derby with Leeds has extra spice as only two points separate us. We come from behind to go 2-1 up and it’s a remarkable opportunity to put the pressure back on Fergie but Lee Bowyer equalises. Damn.

The table doesn’t lie. It’s more like Serie A than the Premier League with goals few and far between but it’s a 4 horse race. Or maybe 4 ponies.

I’m very tempted to switch to the 2-3-1-2-2 which usually means a lot of goals but it might take a few games to settle in and derail our campaign. Also we have a lack of striking options for that formation. Hristov works in the 4231 and I don’t know why. Lots to ponder so please join me next week for the finale of season two.

Was he always this good?

This week’s nerd corner focuses on our European opponents, Tottenham. They are quite formidable after the patch with a front two of Klinsmann and Ferdinand but is there much difference from Gerry Francis to Christian Gross (a managerial change between the two versions)

Out of the box:

Then onto the patch…


Klinsy (160), Nicola Berti (153) and Moussa Saib (136) are notable additions. Sol Campbell took a boost from 163 to 170. Stephen Clemence also went from 0 ability to 130, which is wild. Jose Dominguez was a constant nuisance to me so I’m not surprised to see he was taken down from 150 to 136. Still though, they were significantly upgraded by those three additions (and I suppose Frode Grodas) for minimal disadvantage. The likes of McVeigh usually end up on a free in the patch so a good pickup for the lower league. Curious though that they have such a massive squad, a bit like Man Utd.

More nerdy times next week…

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