Happy moving day! A phrase usually reserved for another sport, or more realistically the act of purchasing a new home. In this case though it’s every bit as appropriate as it’s the middle section of the season, where we pick up on a Thursday evening just as the clocks are about to go back. That extra hour of sleeping (if you don’t have children, otherwise it’s just a 25 hour day) (with one less hour spent sleeping) will hopefully empower us to a successful winter, including two more trophies and a passage to the latter stages of others. Now that my friends is an intro.

Here we go again then. Not in the Whitesnake way, but in the sense that it’s a new season and the plan to win absolutely everything is underway. We are sensationally good when we can be arsed.

Good morning and welcome to the final episode of season 7. If you are 20 episodes behind, the gist is that we’re playing on the pre-patch version and Barnsley, usually hopeless Barnsley, have been to the top of the mountain. Unfortunately, we briefly slipped off the peak thanks to Barcelona but now we have the chance to continue our ascent.

Good hello to you. Barnsley are trying to stick themselves back together after the disappointment of losing the Champions League final and they’ve made a good start to the new season. As ever though we aren’t running away with the league but we’ve got Ronaldo, so if he can’t sort us out then nobody can. Well maybe Bakayoko will.

Well hello there! If you’re celebrating Easter, merry egg day to you. Here at Barnsley it’s the end of the season which means 14 league games to retain our title plus the usual mad dash in the cups. Will Ronaldo help us add to the World Club Cup and European Super Cup already banked this season? Let’s find out.

Hello! Welcome back to Barnsley, where the European Champions are looking to become Super World Champions with Ronaldo leading the line. It’s obvious really isn’t it? Our Premier League title defence is off to a reasonable start but we trail pesky Leeds after roughly a third of the season. Let the good times continue!

Hello! Welcome back to the Barnsley party. Last week, we became the best team in England AND Europe by winning Premier League. This season we want to do it all again and MORE by winning the World Club Cup and the Super Cup. Do you like CAPITALISED WORDS? I’ll stop now. Let’s football.

Back once again with the ill behaviour, whatever that means. Our ill form in front of goal threatened to scupper this season but we’re somehow third, a mighty 9 points off the top and in a real scrap for Champions League football. Goals generally seem to be hard to come by, which I was warned about in the out of the box version we frequent here. Anyway, let’s try and make it a competitive ending.

Well fancying seeing you here. You join me at Barnsley once again, playing the out of the box version and we’ve hit somewhat of a crisis. Or at the very least a lull in form. 13 goals scored in 12 games is unheard of for these pages, my sides are often unconventional but scoring goals has never been a problem since 2-3-1-2-2 came into our lives. Is it the patch? Is it Bakayoko’s long term injury? Is it me? Now is not the time for sulking.