Out of the Box Barnsley – Part 16: Ronseal

Hello! Welcome back to the Barnsley party. Last week, we became the best team in England AND Europe by winning Premier League. This season we want to do it all again and MORE by winning the World Club Cup and the Super Cup. Do you like CAPITALISED WORDS? I’ll stop now. Let’s football.

This is getting a bit absurd now. Is he even that good?

Perhaps not as absurd as this. Ronaldo is coming to Oakwell. 40 caps seems a bit light mind you but him and Bakayoko will sort out all of my problems.

Rio is also available. I despise the man as a pundit but as a centre half in 2002 there are few better. Welcome aboard.

The traditional curtain raiser is of course the Charity Shield and because I’ve dared to sign new players, we are 2-0 down and a man light at half time. Bakayoko reduces the arrears and R9 equalises in injury time to give us a scarcely deserved penalty shootout. When Charvet misses our 3rd penalty it looks bleak but Shearer misses for the Toon allowing Tommy to restore parity. Signori of course blazes over the bar and Dalglish obviously takes the proverbial and sends up Shay Given. He misses. Mind games? Nevland and Curtis also exchange failures but Rio scores and Eddie Howe is denied by David Watson. That was a hard fought shield.

The fixture computer hasn’t been particularly kind so we start at Goodison, where our front two hopefully show a sign of things to come.

I don’t imagine Ronaldo expected to be playing with Martin Bullock but that’s where we are. An easy win over Villa.

A real topsy-turvy game with Spurs sees us throw away a lead only to pull level. CM Legend Tom Youngs serves us our first defeat of the season.

It’s harder than it needs to be at home to West Ham but a half time cuddle gets everybody riled up and three goals in 8 minutes effectively settles it. Tommy’s injury is only two weeks.

The Champions League draw throws up a battle of Britain and a repeat of our quarter final last season. Could be worse.

Blackburn are a bit of a bogey team for us but that was before we had Ronaldo. He’s quite good you know.

Though apparently not good enough to break down Sunderland.

More entertainment at Filbert Street where Jesus Christ, Fenton! is at the double but the unlikely figure of Tricky Trevor Sinclair wins it for us

The Champions League campaign is off to a lovely start. Barrera gets a rare start and scores twice. Trev and Beppe complete the rout.

Derby next and a massive array of grey players. Sign somebody? Then again they have 6 reasonable strikers…and Stephen Glass. Who knows?

Poom’s early own goal is a sign of things to come for Derby. We win 5-2.

The impressive form continues at Stamford Bridge where we run wild. We’re in a nice position where everybody seems to do well when they get their chance.

PSV in what is in theory our hardest group game proves to be a walk in the park. De Bilde goes off injured, can he fix it? I guess we’ll find out.

The England squad is looking very Barnsley-y. Bullock a star player seems a stretch but then they didn’t qualif yfor the World Cup and lost this game to Romania.

Liverpool are the next to be cast aside, Ronaldo and Bullock seeing us through without much of an issue.

Surely nobody can stop this team now? Well, Peter Ndlovu can. Newly promoted Birmingham give us a Champing of a lifetime, a defeat worthy of the shock result graphic.

We get that out of our system with a nice and easy win over Slovan Bratislava.

I like our chances of progressing.

Up yours, Arsenal. The front two reunited again with a great result.

Getting Premier League opposition in the League Cup 3rd round is a tough draw but even a slightly rotated lineup has too much for them. The big games are not so much a problem for us.

Still though, we’re only second. Leeds trying to right the wrongs of last season whilst Dalglish has built an unbreakable wall around Shay Given.

You know I think I’ve quietly built one of the strongest squads I’ve ever had

Here’s the main man though. 14 in 17 to start his career at Oakwell.

Is Ronaldo better than Hristov? I’ll leave you with that quandary for another week.

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