Out of the Box Barnsley – Part 17: Big in Japan

Hello! Welcome back to Barnsley, where the European Champions are looking to become Super World Champions with Ronaldo leading the line. It’s obvious really isn’t it? Our Premier League title defence is off to a reasonable start but we trail pesky Leeds after roughly a third of the season. Let the good times continue!

And continue they do in the North East. Newcastle concede one every three games so if they want to take any positives, they should have two clean sheets to come. Bakayoko with the decisive goal who gets a red card late on for provoking Alan Shearer about whether to call it lunch or dinner.

Shaun Newton’s contract is up this season and to be honest I don’t think he’ll be staying. He wants £65,000 every week for another 6 years. That’s more than Ronaldo and more than anybody sane would pay for a fairly average right back.

Celtic are thrashed. When we’re good, we’re brilliant.

The Wolves banter squad are a year older and unable to cope with our swashbuckling style. Martin Bullock is also involved. We win 4-2 and the Tyke train keeps on moving.

…only to be derailed at Elland Road. The crunchiest of crunch fixtures goes the way of the home side thanks to Marlon putting through his own goal. Our record at Elland Road is unsurprisingly poor.

Ronaldo scores twice past former club PSV.

The simplest of passages in the end with games to spare.

Forest are another bogey team of ours and we get to play them twice in 4 days with a trip to Japan in the middle. That’s a strange sentence. Ronny makes the difference here before we board a flight straight on full time to get to Japan for Monday…

A much changed B team wins 6-1 with all major incidents being provided by B’s. Bloody Brilliant Barnsley Batter Buenos Aries Bozo’s reads the headline in the Daily Dave, an entirely fictional newspaper that exists in my head.

We’re back to our Oakwell HQ for a Pointless Cup tie with Forest where Bodin and Bell score only for Barrera and Bullock to miss. You cannot B serious.

Obviously Fredi Bobic puts Man Utd ahead as our rough week comes to a poor conclusion. Ra Juhl is sent off, Tommy is injured and we lose 2-0. At least we took Keano with us.

Ronaldo takes out his frustration on Bratislava and ensures we finish with 6 out of 6.

Very, very easy.

Very, very difficult.

That’s going to take some beating.

Ah man we’ve been Champed. Dave Watson infuriates me sometimes.

We just about beat Wimbledon. I was terrified of a repeat of the Palace game and two more injuries don’t help matters.

One man who isn’t injured is Ronaldo, who nets a hat-trick as Everton are disposed of on Boxing Day.

Two days later and it’s defeat at Villa. Those screams you can hear are the limbs of my overworked squad.

An away tie to a Premier League team in the FA Cup 3rd round is not what we need but being 4-0 up after 18 minutes is more like it. Six of the best.

It’s Leeds over two legs in the Super Cup and our usually fruitless trip to Leeds actually ends up in a useful draw. Yes, that is Michael Owen.

Ron’s at it again, this time Tottenham are brushed aside.

Bakayoko picks up the baton at Upton Park and it’s an easy win. Regaining some momentum.

Third Division Mansfield away, 17 shots…0 goals. An embarassing result and one that is very difficult to explain.

We do however win the Super Cup. So that’s nice.

Goodness me, this is a signing.

This win over another bogey team, Blackburn, puts us back on top. Vukas must score against me every single time, whoever he is.

It’s probably a four horse race. Newcastle have Zidane and Fowler, plus John Curtis. It’s a concern.

But we have wonderbat…I mean Ronaldo. 33 in 37, who’d have thought it?

Most importantly though we’ve added the World Club Cup and the SuperCup to our now bulging trophy cabinet. How far can we go? I mean we’ve already gone quite far but what do we do, strive for perfection? Yes, let’s. See you next week.

Leave a Reply