CD Dons – Episode 19: 3 Colours Red | @Emsonite

Here’s Deano to lighten up your Thursday with some thugs in the sun. Enjoy!

Happy Thursday y’all.

Last week we got knocked out of the Champions League and Kings Cup in the semi finals which means we only got La Liga and the Thug-o-Meter to play for.

3 points behind on Barca and 3 points behind on Thug points. The Thug-o-Meter needs to get to +45 by the end of the season or I’ll on the first plane back to Blighty.

We’ve got 8 games left.

First up it’s the mighty Hercules. We smash them 5-1 in goals and we’re heading for comfortable 5-2 win on yellows when Esnaider goes off injured in the last 10 minutes which means it’s -1 for the 5-5 Thug draw.

Twat. That 5-yellow spree from us breaks the 100 yellow card mark for the season though, which is a record for us.

Next, it’s high flying Zaragoza. And we get absolutely battered 6-1 on yellows. Vinny Jones putting up the only resistance.

Not a great showing at all. We’ve got 6 games to save ourselves. But it’s another 3 points in proper football to keep the pressure on Barcelona.

Next, we play the Drunken Environmentalists. It’s not pretty but we snatch a late 2-1 win on yellows after a bit of self-sabotage.

It’s a much needed 3 Thug Points. The self-sabotage to get the late yellow costs us 2 La Liga points though as Compost Stella equalise late on. It might just hand Barcelona the title.

Las Palmas are our next opponents and Arsen Aivazian, aka The Little Shit, is on his A-Game. 2 yellows = 1 red as we take the Thug win. We manage to hang on for the footballing win as well.

4 games left.

Espanyol are our bogey team; we can never get the better of them.

Vinny Jones: ‘hold my beer’

The Little Shit: ‘hold mine too’

Remarkably, we hold on for a draw with 9 men too. Great showing from The Little Shit as he gets back-to-back red cards. At only 22 years old, the Armenian really is a little shit.

Sevilla come to the Benalmadena Arena next. And they wish they stayed home and called the game off with a virus.

It’s a massacre.

The Little Shit gets a third red card in a row. Then Vinny Jones takes out Anita. And to add insult to injury – literally, Esnaider takes out Philip Verbist’s fave Bakero.

Barcelona take the title.

But who cares, games like Sevilla at home are what it’s all about. Look at this, it’s beautiful.

Crap tattoos all around and with all the red cards lately, there’s a free-for-all on fake merch

The Little Shit can take a Nuclear Holiday with a 6-game ban.

The Thug-o-Meter is at +50, so if we don’t lose our next 2 games, I’ll keep my job for another season.

Gijon bring us back down to earth with a 3-2 win on yellows.

I thought for a moment that The Little Shit was going to get a 4th red card in 4 games, but the ref took it easy on him, only brandishing a yellow.

Last game of the season and we’re up against the Basque Boys. I just need to avoid defeat. And cometh the hour, cometh the man…

Fernando Couto gets the winner and I’m safe.

Here’s the final league table, Barcelona ran away with it in the end. That’s Barcelona with their sophisticated beautiful Tiki Taka Cruyff ball (I was almost sick in my mouth then).

Vinny calls to congratulate them.

We have the best player in the world though. Look at this average.

In a league of his own.

And lastly, the all-important Disciplinary Points

Before we go until next week, points = pints. I make that 291 disciplinary points. Doubled to 582 for good measure.

That’s 582 pints behind the beach bar. Let’s get steaming.

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