CD Dons – Episode 20: Brassic | @Emsonite

Hello! It’s Thursday, Deano is ready for you but the Dons don’t have a pot to p*ss in. What can he do?

It’s Friday-Eve! Get up the Co-op and treat yourself to four cans a’ Stella. Pint cans.

Last week we hit +50 on the Thug-o-Meter and in doing so managed to drag this drivel out into a fourth season and into its 20th episode. I wouldn’t blame you if you haven’t read all 20, to those who have I salute you, but seriously haven’t you got anything better to do? 

It’s pre-season and that usually means one thing; Recruitment. Alas, we have one small problem with that – we are proper skint. -£4m, in the red to be precise.

At this rate, we’ll have the bailiffs coming round. We haven’t got a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of. We’re as poor as a church mouse. Running on empty. Scrounging for shrapnel. Got less tenners than an opera. Less Dough than Pizza Hut. Less green than a stoner.Skint.

What’s my plan for this? Well, I’m going to do absolutely nothing and hope Sting gives us another cash injection like he did last year.

We’ll have to move some players on at some point though as some weren’t pulling their weight. I’m looking at Shearer and Leandro, who may be good strikers but only had 1 yellow card between them last season. They will be going on the list.

One player who is definitely not for sale is The Little Shit. He’s got more cards than a casino. He’s earned himself a free all expenses paid 6-week holiday.

I told Arsen he can go wherever he wants. With the world as his oyster, he chose the classiest place money can buy.

Ahh Hristo has had enough of this shit and goes on a free.

Fernando Couto – the best player in the history of football – is taking his CD Dons form onto the International stage.

It’s great to see.

France win Euro 2000 if you care about that stuff.

Just goes to show how realistic this game is 😉

I refuse a £4.7m offer from Napoli. I’m holding out for cash injection before I start selling.

Couto gets the Balon D’or. And the newspapers love Big Dunc.

There’s no fair play award for us this year though.  

Stuart Pearce calls it a day.

Into season 4 and there is one major thing is missing from the game updates. I received £6m in prize money but no cash injection! Sting says there’s no more cash for CD Dons

Well fuck ewe ‘en. That’s a shit name by the way. A grown man calling yourself ‘Sting’. Your music is shit. And that’s not your real hair, Gordon. We’ll crack on without you.

I honestly thought we were going to get a cash injection then. Bollocks. We need to recruit on the cheap now. This looks like Mark Hughes’ regen. Big Bad Barry signs for £5k

And I’ve tracked down Psychos regen. He’s playing for who….?

This whole blog is based upon Wimbledon relocating so forget what you’ve seen here. Take the Blue Pill. Oh, it’s AFC Wimbledon, in the lower leagues. Anyway, Pritchard is only available on loan so that will have to do.

Charity Shield against the tiki taka wankers.

Never mind the result, we win 4-2 on yellows.

The 2nd leg is just 2 days before or Champions League qualifier, so we put our reserves out. And they do pretty well in fairness to them. Big Bad Barry gets a debut goal.

There’s no way Denilson would have scored 5 against Fernando Couto so don’t read too much into that. We haven’t got a keeper playing, chill your beef. They can shove the Charity Shield, bloody do-gooders. It’s a 1-1 draw on yellows for minus 1 thug point.

Big game against Feyenoord. And It’s a 3-1 win on both fronts.

+6 on the Thug-o-Meter and one foot into the Group Stages. Nice.

We play two La Liga games. We go down 4-3 against Zaragoza and win 2-1 against Valencia (on yellows of course)

Last game of this episode sees us take on Feyenoord in the second leg. Easily through but it’s -2 on the Thug-o-Meter for the yellow draw.

Let’s have a look at our CL group.

That’s piss easy. I’m guaranteeing qualification, just hope we can kick some ass while we’re at it.

See how we get on next week. That’s enough for today cause it’s Friday night and I’m about to watch Watford v Norwich with a bottle of red. I got Emmanuel Dennis as my captain in FPL, so it’s a big game! Catch you next week, bye for now.

Leave a Reply