Welcome back to Spain where Deano is considering the merit of two of his angry stalwarts…
It’s been a shaky start to the season and we’re running out of legs. I can’t sell any players to bring in new thugs. We’re not as dirty as we have been in previous seasons and the fans are having to pay for their own tattoos. All in all, it’s getting rather desperate on the South Coast of Spain.
So desperate in fact that Vinny had his head turned by reality TV.
Less flicks and more kicks, Vincent.
One man who gets it is Big Bad Barry, who gets a straight red vs Zaragoza in the Kings Cup. Big Dunc grabs 4 goals as well which is lovely gravy.
The straight red earns one lucky punter some knock off gear. We only deal in genuine fakes down at the Benalmadena market. You’ll never know the difference with these Levis, be sure to tuck your t-shirt in, Kev.
We secure a comfortable yellow win vs Osasuna. Santos was unlucky not to get a straight red for an elbow to the face.
And we’re unlucky not to take all 3 points. Guerrero dispatched a late penalty to snatch a draw.
Why this random picture of Colin Farrell I hear you say?
Well, that’s because we’re In Brugge. Earning ourselves £750,000 as well
But losing double points on the Thug-o-Meter. Ouch.
We welcome the Bank of Ant and Dec. It’s a close game but the Moldovan Maniac Rebeja hobbles off to make it another thug loss.
Full kit Bankers.
It’s not a great footballing result either and we’re already 9 points behind Barcelona. We are carrying some crap players. Sorry Vinny that includes you.
At 35, I think it’s time for the Retirement Home. The Little Shit, as much as I love him, is only in this team because he a bastard. His footballing ability is questionable to say the least.
In any other save, these pair would be nowhere near my squad let alone the starting XI.
Zaragoza again in the King’s Cup L2. Vinny gets a 5/10 and yellow card to pretty much sum up what I just said. It’s a thug draw but its harsh on us consider we conceded 15 more free kicks than them. The Spanish FA must be paying the refs to take it easy on us.
We’re back on the winning trail against Gijon. But nothing could have prepared for the Warsaw mob rocking up. They absolutely smash us.
Pole-Axed. 2 reds and an injury in front of our own supporters. An absolute massacre and the biggest on-screen embarrassment since Kinga went into the Big Brother House and decided to ride an empty wine bottle. At least she got some pleasure out of it though, unlike our sorry flops.
If I could have flown John Sitton over, I would have.
That European loss takes us down to +8 on the Thug-O-Meter. +50 is the target for this season if you can remember.
We pick up +3 in our next match against Legrones.
Then we have 3 players suspended at the same time.
They don’t deserve a holiday, but rules are rules. They don’t deserve anything lavish so Go West, Paulinho Santos and Big Barry Barry are sent to er… Barry.
We give them £15 each in 2p coins, that’ll keep ‘em entertained for days. Real life Tipping Point.
Back in pain and Betis dish out a heavy defeat, and it’s a 4-4 draw on yellows.
The last game of this episode is our final CL group game vs Benfica. As long a s we avoid defeat, we’re into the Quarter Finals.
It’s a comfortable win in the end and the 2-0 yellow win in most welcome.
Comfortably through to the QFs. Let’s see who we get.
Now that could have been a lot worse. Actually, that’s the best draw we could have had.
It’s all about the cups in what could be our last season. We’re way off the pace in La Liga, I might even try and sign a goalkeeper. Pfft.