Around the World with Adrian Littlejohn – Part 3: North Korea 16 – 0 England | @Emsonite

It’s Satur-dean. Presented without comment.

Fans of Man Utd and England are starting to accept it. Adrian Littlejohn is their main man.

He’s getting plenty of chances. But as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. Even from 12 yards.

But every now and again he does put his chances away. He grabs a brace against Coventry.

Pretty boy Steve Ogrizovic was not best pleased. Poor goalkeeping.

Not that Man Utd have a problem in that department. We have Peter Schmeichel to thank for qualifying from our Champions’ League group. Just the 2 goals conceding in an easy group.

Games against Spartak and Vienna were a bit of a mismatch.

And talking of mismatches. It’s time to jet off with Ingerlund again!

Destination: Solomon Islands

Where? I don’t even know where the Solomon Islands is to take the piss out of it. Must google.

Ah right…I recognise Guadalcanal, there was a battle there during WWII.

(They say when a man reaches a certain age has two choices; Learn how to smoke meats or learn about WWII)

The Guadalcanal campaign was the first major land offensive by Allied forces against the Empire of Japan. The Japanese withdrew from Guadalcanal on 13th December 1942.

55 years to the day later, Adrian’s Littlejohn’s England rock up for friendly match dubbed by the press as the ‘Battle of Guadalcanal v2’.

I say battle, it’s more like professional footballers & Adrian Littlejohn vs some local fishermen. And that was reflected in the score line. L.J. is happy to add to his tally.

That’s 7 goals in 6 International games for Littlejohn.

And he’s scoring goals back in the Premier League. He is the hero as Utd win late on at Filbert Street with 10 men.

Alas, he is still ravaged with inconsistency. Newcastle do the double over Man Utd after another wasteful performance. He’s still getting the chances though.

However! All is forgiven as L.J. opens the scoring in the Manchester Derby

And Boom! Littlejohn gets a brace against Arsenal after Martin Keown is sent off for being a douche canoe.

And Adrian backs up this brace with a hat trick against Chelsea! earning his first Man of the Match award

Is he coming of age? Is he starting to believe?

That’s as good as it gets for Man Utd this episode though.

He couldn’t get a sniff out of Rangers and Andy Goram over 2 legs in the CL quarter finals.

We’re out much to the board’s disappointment

Easy now board. Littlejohn was brought in to be a flat track bully, Rangers defence is too much for him.

Back on England duty. And this one looks to be a corker.

Destination: North Korea

The press and TV cameras are not allowed in, but Littlejohn managed to get a picture of Supreme Leader welcoming us off the plane.

He taunts us “Oooooh you’re fucked now England! And we’re gonna fuck your fuckin moms! AAAA-HAHAHAHAH”

This is how we line up. We’ve tweaked formation slightly, pushing the Neville brothers forward.

Littlejohn adds yet another 2 to his coffers in an easy win.  

We didn’t hang about after the game and were ushered back on the plane after the final whistle. There is no proof of our 0 – 4 victory.

The official score is reported as North Korea 16 – 0 England. Their Supreme Leader scored 15 goals and got an assist as he made a mockery of the English National team. He also served up 25 aces and got a hole in one on a par 5 during other half time sports.

Which brings us to the end of this episode. Let’s do a Littlejohn stock take. Things are looking good.

29 Premier League goals (18 Man Utd, 11 for Sheff Utd) – 71 before he gets his own 100-club slot on Sky Sports.

9 England goals – 41 remaining to take over Bobby Charlton. At 27 years old, he’s got time.

So he’s making good progress. Join us next week when Littlejohn spearheads England’s attack at France ’98!

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