Around the World with Adrian Littlejohn – Part 4: I want a Pizza | @Emsonite

Happy Saturday! It’s time to check in with Adrian Littlejohn and as season one reaches a conclusion, it’s time to count the trophies and prepare for World Cup 98…

Happy Saturday & welcome to the latest instalment of Around the World with Adrian Littlejohn. It’s going well. By the end of this episode Adrian Littlejohn will be a treble winning striker with 22 goals for his country.

There’s a lot to get through so first, let’s clear up his domestic season with Man Utd.

Littlejohn got his hands on the League Cup despite missing a hatful of chances in 120 minutes and his spot kick in the shootout.

The League was looking lost at one point then Liverpool took an awful slump in form. 3 points were required against a Blackless-Barnsley to win the league with a couple of games to spare. Littlejohn duly obliged.

The final league table looked like this.

Nothing to be proud of here. It just goes to show how good Man Utd are in season 1, they can even win the league with Adrian Littlejohn up front.

L.J. finished the season with 18 Premier League goals. Added to the 11 he had for Sheff Utd earlier on in his career, he needs another 71 to get his own Sky Sports 100-club slot to replayed for all eternity.

The FA Cup Final was won to secure a domestic quad (don’t forget the Charity Shield).

Adrian played well in this game to be fair.

Littlejohn is England’s main man heading into the World cup. Before we head off to France ’98 there’s a few warmup games for L.J. to fill his coffers.

And if you want to fill your coffers, there’s not many better places on Earth to do that than the Cayman Islands.

Destination – Cayman Islands

Right. I messed up. Forgot to take a screen shot of this game. Too busy enjoying myself. But you’ll just have to trust me when I say Littlejohn scored another 2 goals in an easy win. He did his job; I didn’t do mine. Sorry. Actually, I’m not sorry. Do you pay to read this blog? No?… Well then, it’s your own fucking fault. You get what you pay for.

Anyway, now that I have justified my own mistake with a hissy fit and an unnecessary & unprovoked attack on you lovely readers. Let’s go to Africa!

Destination – Rwanda

Rwanda. Rw-fucking-Anda. They sound shit. And they are.  Littlejohn has a field day. And I got a screenshot to prove it – Hoorah!

Four for Littlejohn!

From the African heartlands to basecamp at Mount Everest…

Destination – Nepal

It is widely known that you DO NOT mess with the Ghurkhas. They will fuck you up! They will take out five blokes with a pencil. They will bust your kneecap with coat hanger. They are awesome in every way.

Apart from football. They are fucking crap. Five nil.

Another hat trick for Littlejohn!

That’s the warmups sorted. We’re off to the World Cup!

Destination – France

Here’s the squad.

I’m taking Michael Owen as back up in case L.J. gets injured or suspended. Hopefully we don’t need to use him because he’s a bit of a bell end if I’m being honest. Should have taken Fowler. Bit late now never mind.

Anyway, our opening group match is against Croatia. We’ve got some issues at the back with Adams, Newsome & Ferdinand out through injury and suspension. We are still able to win 2-0 though. Littlejohn played okay.

Good result. I would love to get Littlejohn a world cup goal though.

We keep the same side against Japan. And Adrian Littlejohn gets his World Cup goal. Two in fact!


And L.J. backs up one brace with another against Iran. He even gets the MOM award! Littlejohn shirts are selling like hot cakes.

Comfortably into the knockouts.

We’re up against a very talented Nigeria side next. No goals from Littlejohn this time but we’re into the Quarter Finals after going behind early on.

Starting to dream now. Can Littlejohn score again? This is so exciting! Can Littlejohn win the World Cup? Can he? CAN HE DO IT?

Err… No.

Del Piero sends us home.

Quarter Finalists though. Not a bad showing. One step further than they managed in real life. Chin up.

On the Brightside, Arian Littlejohn has a had a fantastic first season. We check his contract, and he now wants a pay rise from £25k to £35k a week. I’m happy to oblige.

His value has shot up to the lofty heights of £4.2m.

22 England goals is one more than Kevin Keegan managed. And he’s done it in one season.

He is comfortably top scorer on the international stage. Look at that for a list.

Del Piero is tamping. Revenge.

Alessandro Del Piero phoned in on TalkSport Drive to air his frustration “It’s not-a fair-a. Adrian-a Littlejohn-a only-a played against-a Rwanda. I want a Pizza”

Littlejohn’s agent must have realised he’s out gunned Klinsmann and co. Because now wants £50k a week!

You can have it son.

Littlejohn’s rise to fame has been a journalists dream, and he rightly wins the Football Writers Player of the Year.

Featuring twice in the Annual Awards

That concludes season 1997/98. Will Littlejohn suffer second season syndrome, or will he go from strength to strength?

Join us next week to find out. Have a great weekend all

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