Happy hump day – please welcome the latest member of our writing team Gavin who has done some incredible work…

The year is 865AD (97), the Great Heathen Army has landed on the shores of fair England sending fear throughout the Anglo-Saxon communities. A raiding party led by the sons of the legendary Ragnar Lothbrok has been sent North to scout the city of Eoforwic (York) in readiness for its capture and to act as a base to conquer the whole of England.

The Viking invasion lasted 13 years and they never managed to fully conquer the whole of England, with Wessex standing firm, finally defeating the Viking army at the battle of Edington in 878. This will be the timeline for our blog, 13 years to become champions of England (Prem league, FA Cup & League Cup) and to do what the original army never achieved. We can only sign Scandinavian players and must field a full team of them by November 866 (98) as that is when York was fully taken and renamed Jorvik.

With all current 92 league teams having their names changed to their Anglo-Saxon counterparts (or as near as I could fathom) and all Norwegian and Icelandic players being uploaded we begin.

With boosted coffers fresh from our raid on Lindisfarne (1mil) and a slightly raised reputation (11) due to being led by Ragnars sons… Bjorn (Ironside) Heidenstrom, Mons Ivar (the Boneless) Mjelde, Helgi Sigurd(Snake in the Eye)sson & (Half Dan)iel Jensen, we start with the following squad…

I immediately get into the transfers to see who’s interested and it turns out it’s extremely slim pickings. I manage to bring in Stefan Gislason who’s an Icelandic wonderkid, an aging GK by the name of Alf Nokling and Leif Anderson, a Norwegian centre half. Gislason definitely being the pick of the bunch. Hopefully we’ll get straight into winning ways and increase our reputation further so we can actually bring some quality into the fold.

I’ve booked us in three friendlies against our Scandinavian brethren and this is how we line up in the tried and trusted 2-3-1-2-2 formation.

We win our first game versus Norwegian outfit Vard-Haugesund (who we beat to the signature of Leif Anderson) 4-0 thanks to 2 goals-a-piece from our 2^nd row forwards Sigurdsson and Bushell. Sigurd Snake in the Eye showing immediately that he’s also got an eye for goal.

Mons-Ivar the Boneless Mjelde then goes and nets a treble against the spineless Thor, proving they are less than mighty as their namesake. Our Icelandic Wonderkid gets his first goal for the club, prompting me to check his contract and noticing a big-club release clause. He’s now listed for loan to hopefully keep the vultures at bay.

Our final pre-season friendly against Bodo-Glimt again saw 4 goals, this time we concede and go behind for the first time. Our heavy hitters Ivar the Boneless equalising and Snake in the Eye putting our noses in front before Steve Bushell put a bit of daylight between us. The second half played out with few chances for both sides.

Man Utd do what they always seem to do in the season opener… winning the Charity Shield on penalties.

We then receive this dreadful piece of news… our versatile D/M/RC Tony Barras is out injured for 9 months, effectively putting him out for the whole season. As we are already thin on the ground for defenders and with no Scandinavian defender interested, this is a real blow to our plans.

I’ve a feeling that we are going to be completely reliant on Ivar the Boneless and Sigurd Snake in the Eye if we are to achieve anything of note this year, Odin help us if either of them get injured.

I’ll leave it here for this week. Please join us again next week when we delve into our league and cup campaigns.

Until then…. Morna!