Great Heathen Army – Part 2 | @GoatNmcl

Happy hump day. If you didn’t read part 1 last week, this will make little sense to you. So do that first, then carry on…

Heil og sæl

Velkomin to the second part of our dip into the 9th century English Football League. We finished the last episode having signed a couple of Scandinavian players, joining the ranks with our fearsome sons of Ragnar Lothbrok. We played out 3 pre-season friendlies against our Norse brethren running out comfortable winners in each. We lost influential def/mid Tony Barras but manage to bring in Valur Fannar Gislason on loan as cover (although with 8 for tackling, his game time might be limited).

We start our league campaign at home to Ceasterfeld (Chesterfield) and race into a 3 goal lead thanks to 2 goals from Ivar the Boneless either side of a strike by our Icelandic Wonderkid Gislason. We then get Dunn in by conceding to all 3 of their shots on target before Gislason gets the winner in the 77th minute.

We then host Fullahamm (Fulham) in the League Cup. Ivar’s in the mood netting his first hat-trick of the season. Fullahamm manage to score with their only 2 shots on target in the first half. Thankfully Nøkling remembered that his hands weren’t only for heaving an axe about and actually saved a couple in the second half.

Back to league action as we travel to Waleshala (Walsall). A total raid and pillage here racing into a 5 goal lead at half time thanks to Ivar’s second hat-trick in as many games. In the second half, sub Rush gets in on the action with a brace. A clean sheet too…although i’m not sure if they even managed a shot in the game.

Boosted by our emphatic win it’s time to see out the job at Fullahamm. 2 nil up at half time and then Ivar getting another straight after half time means we’re cruising, until Moody and Edwards nearly make us blush with a bit of 69 action….

Bookies favourites Brycg Stowe Rovers (Bristol R) are next up, this will be a good indication of where we’re at. Ivar gets us off to a flyer before Gayle blows in an equaliser. Ivar gets a second to put us in front at half time. Brycg Stowe score a second and put some real pressure on. Thankfully we ride it out and when Ivar gets put clean through on goal in the 89th minute, every assumes we’ve managed to pinch the 3 points. Unfortunately he puts it wide and we settle for a hard earned point.

We sail down to the south coast for our trip to Bournemowthe (Bournmouth). We go behind for the first time this season so it’ll be interesting to see how our players react. Half Dan equalises with his first goal of the season before an own goal and a wonder strike (it came out of nothing) from our Wonderkid sees us home comfortably.

Next up is Brun Lea (Burnley) away. A total masterclass here as Ivar wins and then scores the resulting penalty. Gets his second around the half hour mark and Snake in the Eye grabs his first goal of the season to make it 3 nil. Waddle and Co. had no answer and no shots on target in what the board described as a “good” result.

Thanks to our unbeaten start, I manage to win Manager of the Month, although I hope that doesn’t mean we then suffer the dreaded curse….

Well would you Ludden & Eve it… Watforda (Watford) give us our first taste of defeat. They’re all over us from the off and deserve their 2 goal lead. Bushell manages to grab one against the run of play and it stays that way till half time. I promise the lads their weight in ale if they can turn it round and break the curse. Unfortunately Mr Hyde smashes through our defence to make it 3-1 with Snake in the Eye getting a consolation late on.

Caer Luel (Carlisle) are on the receiving end of a rout as we break the curse in style, although we did go behind after a defensive error. We’re 4-1 up in a crazy first half an hour and stay that way till half time. Caer Luel then score all 3 goals in the second half, albeit 2 were in their own net.

Fullahamm again for the 3rd time in 9 games. This time we go slightly better, still scoring 3 but only conceding the 1.

A trip to the west coast this time as we head to Le Pul (Blackpool). Bushell scores the opener before Quinn equalises from the kick off. Ivar gives us the lead only for Quinn to get his and Le Pu’s second 5 minutes later. Brothers Snake in the Eye and Half Dan both score in the second half to give us another win on the road.

A near capacity crowd see us entertain Berneslai (Barnsley) in the league cup second round. Hristov gets his usual goal against me, then a more entertaining second half sees us equalise twice after Liddell puts them back in front.

Breguntford (Brentford) away back in the league. Keeper Dearden is having the game of his life in the first half saving 6 of our 7 shots on target. Thankfully the floodgates open in the second half as Ivar nets his 4th hat-trick of the season. Snake in the Eye, Half Dan and Bushell all adding to the score.

Lincylene (Lincoln) in the Shield Maiden Cup are next to receive a Thor’s Hammer(ing) as our Viking away day raids continue. Ivar with yet another hat-trick, Half Dan grabbing one all after Bushell starts the rout.

Wychama (Wycombe) put an end to our away winning streak. Shooter McGavin netting a hat-trick. He was a prick in Happy Gilmore too!

Berneslai show their Premiership class in the second leg with a clinical performance to knock us out of the League Cup.

Wiganton (Wigan) is our 5th away game in a row. Ivar the Boneless gets back on the scoresheet having not scored since his last hat-trick.

We finally have a home game and entertain Brycg Stowe City (Bristol City). Feed the goat and he will score….Goater putting them in front early on. Gislason gets our equaliser and Snake in the Eye gets the eventual winner just after the hour mark.

Hammtun (Northampton) away next and it’s a poor day all round. 2 on target from 11 pretty much summing us up!

We more than make up for it back in the Shield Maiden Trophy. Maclesfeld (Macclesfield) are easily dispatched despite us giving some fringe players a go. Our Icelandic Wonderkid getting in on the Hat-trick train.

Marshwall (Millwall) then bring us back down to Earth with their assonant goal scorers giving them a 3 goal lead. Snake in the Eye getting a very late consolation.

We’ve dropped down to 4th in the league after that defeat but with games in hand we’re still well in the thick of it. As per usual with this formation, you score plenty but also concede plenty.

See you next week when we hope to sail through the first round of the FA Cup, continue our journey in the Shield Maiden Trophy and hopefully keep making our mark in the league.


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