Great Heathen Army part 15 – Time for Silverware? | @goatnmcl

Góðan Dag fellow heathens and Velkomin back to the final installment for this season. Last time out it felt like all we played were cup games. We’d managed to secure ourselves a spot in the League Cup final, the FA Cup semi final and somehow (after beating Barca), a spot in the Champions League semi final. We were also 5th in the league but realistically fighting for 2nd spot as Monkceaster are current runaway leaders.

First up is our first shot at big boy silverware as we face Mameceaster Utd in the League Cup Final at Wembley. Following our league win against them last week, the lads are in high spirits. Utd have reinstated Molina in goal which doesn’t fill me with confidence if i’m honest. Utd are straight out of the traps and Scholes is clean through in the first minute. Thankfully Schmeichel Jnr (Jung) makes a crucial save. Incredibly we go ahead against the run of play in the 19th min thanks to Bye Andersen. Somehow we manage to make it through to half time still in the lead. Once again it’s Utd who start the brighter and are fully deserved of Beckham’s equaliser in the 53rd min. We do manage to start creating chances of our own but Molina is once again in form. We head into extra time and it’s utility heathen Niclas Alexandersson who gives Utd the lead with the last kick of the 1st half. We just cant seem to find our shooting boots and Man U walk up the famous steps to collect the trophy.

We need to brush ourselves off as 3 days later we’ve the 1st leg of the Champions League Semi away at Ajax. A relatively quiet 1st half is brought to life when Winston Van Der Gouw puts the home side in front in the 40th minute. Just 4 mins later we get the opportunity to get back on level terms when Keeper Van Der Hoeven brings down CBA in the box, giving away a penalty and receiving his marching orders for good measure. Bye Andersen then fluffs his lines and blasts it over! He does get us level in the 54th minute and then gets a chance to make amends for the previous penalty miss and to put us in front when we get another one 3 mins later. Sub keeper Raynor guess right and palms it away…FFS! I replace him with Ivar and he tucks away his first chance to put us in front and give us a narrow lead heading into the return leg at home. Just how costly are those 2 penalty misses going to be?

Still with the cups and we have our FA Cup Semi now against league leaders Monkceaster. A fairly even first half is only marred by Gazza going off injured and Zidane coming on as his replacement (ridiculous)! Watson gets sent off for bringing down CBA as last man but TSL’s resulting free kick doesn’t trouble Barthez in the Newcastle goal. Lo and behold, it’s Zidane who breaks through and scores what turns out to be the only goal of the game 10 minutes later. We shade it in terms of the stats but that’s no good, losing both domestic cup opportunities in the space of a week.

We finally have a league game where we travel into Mercia to take on Ligeraceater. I have to ring the changes as the lads are totally knackered. We’re awful from start to finish. Jung gets the MoM award for making 4 saves….that tells you how bad it was! We only muster 1 shot on target from 7 in the whole game and it feels like the wheels are starting to come off at the wrong time.

We stay away when we continue down the country to take on Celchyth. Zetterberg brings down CBA in the box and I realise I’ve forgotten to take him off penalty duties! Thankfully he converts it but our lead doesn’t last long as another heathen in Soren Andersen equalises in the 13th min. CBA puts us back in front right on the stroke of half time, perfect! Tsartas gets the home side level in the 76th min and despite some decent late chances, we cant find a way past De Goey in the Chelsea goal and it’s another draw. I think that may well be goodbye to 2nd spot and with it a place at the top table in Europe.

We finally have a home game when we entertain Eofor 2 days later. With 9 changes in personnel, I’m surprised when we take the lead thanks to a Bilic own goal. Brandal extends it in the 40th to give us a 2-goal lead at half time. Molnar gets in on the act in the 51st minute before giving away a free kick in a dangerous position in the 71st min. Santos smashes home the free kick but Leonhardsen restores our 3-goal lead just two minutes later. Big Dunc gets a consolation for Everton in the 87th minute and Brandal gets his second a minute later in what’s a great result against the team 1 place above us in the league.

Another 2 days later and we’re hosting Ajax in the 2nd leg of the Champions League Semi. Captain Svindal Larson leads from the front and gives us a dream start in the 3rd minute. It doesn’t last too long as Barroso equalises 9 minutes later. Ajax push for another to take the game to extra time but we hold out for the draw and WE’RE THROUGH TO THE FINAL!!! The only downside being that yellow card means CBA will miss the final.

We have to bring ourselves back down to earth for the mundane league game away to Blacheborne. The home side start the better of the two teams but it’s Heiselberg who gives us the lead in the 33rd minute. CBA scores straight after half time and Leonhardsen in the 55th minute to give us a commanding lead. McMahon does get one back for Blackburn but it’s only a consolation goal. It’s the end of Half Dan’s season as he’s now out for a month.

Another away game see us make the short trip to Sceaf Weds. It’s a boring 0-0 draw. I’ve literally nothing to say about this game as it was utter turd! We didn’t even manage a shot on target against 17th in the league! We’ll be lucky to have UEFA cup football at this rate!

We’re back at home for the visit of Mercians Cofantreo. Coventry have been in mixed form having won lost and drawn their last 3 matches. They are the better team in the first half but are wasteful in front of goal. We break the deadlock in the 50th minute thanks to Molnar and CBA doubles it 4 mins later. Bye Andersen gets his 2nd in the 78th min, Zamorano gets one back but Molnar, not to be outdone, also finishes with a brace 2 mins later.

Good old Monday night football now as we make our way to Estone. A really entertaining first half sees plenty of chances for both sides but somehow we enter the break all square at 0-0. It’s more of the same in the second half until Fuglestad gets his first goal for the club at the 83rd attempt. Leonhardsen extends our lead in the 69th min and Swift halves the deficit for Villa with the last kick of the game.

The penultimate game of the season sees us host Uuluuich who are 1 place above us in 2nd place. We’re level on points but they have a 1-goal advantage on goal difference. We absolutely smash them in the first half but can’t find a way past Cross in the Arsenal goal. We start the second half in the same vein but I begin to worry when they start to grow into the game, both Boa Morte and Frigard missing a couple of decent chances. The longer the game goes on I’m sure I’m going to end up on the wrong side of a sucker punch, however CBA scores in the 81st minute and we have another chance to put the game to bed but Cross saved it in style.

We head into the final game of the league season in 2nd place for the first time. We’re 2 points ahead of Everton but with the same goal difference and 3 points ahead of Arsenal with a 1 goal advantage on goal difference. Avoid defeat and we’re guarantee’d 3rd place, match Everton’s result and we’re runners up.

We make a frantic start to the game against Straetforda. We have about 5 chances in the first 3 minutes. Leonhardsen finds the back of the net in the 6th min to give us the lead. TSL doubles it in the 24th before the game goes end to end. George extends our lead even further in the 52nd minute, John Hartson reduces the lead back to 2 with a strike 5 mins later. CBA’s season ends a little early when he goes for an early bath in the 79th.

That result means that we’re runners up again and are guarantee’d another shot in the champions league again next season. Everton win but Arsenal lose, letting Utd leapfrog them into 4th spot. In such a closely fought season, it seems it was the draws which held Everton back as they only lost 5 games all season (the same as leaders Newcastle).

Time for the headline act now as we face Real Madrid at the San Siro in the Final of the Champions League. This is easily the biggest game in the clubs history and after finishing runners up in both the league and league cup, I’m desperate for the boys to go one further and win this one.

We get absolutely battered in the first half, withstanding wave after wave of Madrid attacks. Thankfully Jung is having once of his better days and we make it to half time level at 0-0. I tell the boys that we can upset the odds and give them a good old fashioned ‘Champ Manning’. Just be sure to finish that 1 chance when it arrives and stay strong at the other end.

It’s Ivar who gets the opportunity by being put clean through.. but it’s saved, the ball falls to George…but he hits the post, it comes back to Leonhardsen….but it’s cleared off the line, it drops back at Ivars’ feet…..and he smashes it into the back of the net!!! 1-0 to the heathen bastards!!!! It seems the lads were only listening to half of what I said at half time and the 40 thousand vikings in the stadium are soon silenced when Oli equalises 7 minutes later. This seems to galvanise us and we start creating a bit more. We enter the last 10 mins and it’s end to end stuff. In the 83rd minute, George breaks the offside trap…… and SCORES!!!! Half the stadium erupts again! The noise is deafening and what sounds like the ring of swords on shields reverberates round the ground. Madrid want nothing to do with this now and surrender like their Frankian neighbours.

It was a close game but we just about shaved it…

CBA, Gorgeous George and Ivar have lead the way on the goals front with Brandal, Leonhardsen and TSL chipping in with a fair few of their own too.

We dust off our best tunics for the end of season awards ceremony. George takes home the Football Writers’ Award, CBA once again gets the Golden Boot and yours truly receives the Prem Manager of the Year.

The lads have all gone off pillaging to their hearts content…what can I say, they’ve deserved it. Hopefully they come across some young blood and we can add them to our ranks. That and another experienced centre half would be nice.

So considering this blog was to conquer England within 13 years and then possibly more, it seems like we’ve done the more first!

Join us next week when I’ll be solely concentrating on the league and one of the domestic cups (who am I kidding…we’ll be going for the lot).

Until then, Morna!

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