Brits Abroad – Part 10: Heart of Glass

Good morning. If you’ve been keeping score, we republished our Brits Abroad blogs that were written for another website. The good news is, we’ve now caught up. Last week wasn’t a dream, we did win the league, but it was also originally published in April 2016, so who is to say what is real. Anyway, I’m going to continue because these British lads deserve success on every level. We’ve got a Champions League to win.

Now, remember Covid? That was a shite old time wasn’t it? During my attempts to stay sane, I did a fair bit of Tweeting about various saves and I even revisited this one for what looks like an hour in 2020. So if you recognise these matches, that’s why.

The summer was quiet, we sold Danny Griffin and signed nobody. We loaned out a couple of excess strikers. It’s fine.

It has allowed me to move to a more exciting formation, so apologies to the purists.

But look, it lead us to a 5-4 win in Lisbon in the Supertaca, which roughly translates to the Big Tic Tac

Away from the giant mint, we’re off to Boavista. Billy Joel briefly builds hope for the home side but Gallen’s double and the now customary Bridges goal gives us the win.

An odd game back at Fortress Luz where we manage to snatch a draw from the jaws of victory. Frustrating but an immediate chance to bounce back…

…is taken in style. Again, a wobble when Timbur equalises but Tricky Trev is in tremendous form and Gallen is sensational.

The heavily influenced England squad fall to defeat in Denmark. Yes, my keeper played a 4 but also John Curtis got man of the mach. They should pick Gallen.

See? Lovely Kevin scores twice in the first 6 minutes to set us on our way to three points on the road at Uniao.

Our first Champions League tie takes us to Old Trafford and we soon see ourselves 2-0 down. Thankfully, they’ve decided to sign Duncan Jupp at some juncture in their ridiculous lives and he scores an own goal to give us hope before Goals by the Gallen equalises. What a player. The group also contains Real Madrid (uh oh) and Club Brugge (less worrisome) so every point will matter.

Leca are thumped. The Brits are cooking.

Time to win the big mint and at half time it’s all square after we give away an earlier lead. Our strikers are in the mood though and it’s a hard earned trophy of sorts. Le Tissier is prescribed a million stress relieving gummies.

A thoroughly good start to the season continues at Maritimo. These untouchable lads.

Warms my heart how many of the squad get the call up. Not Gallen though, his goals are not welcome here. Bridges’ are though.

Three of those called up celebrate with a goal against Brugge. Gallen also scores. Brugge may take some heavy beatings in this group.

We’ve got £40m collecting interest in a Portugese bank account so spending £3.5m on Stephen Glass seems like a great idea.

Gallen reminds everybody how good he is with a hat-trick in a rout of Rio Ave. We even gave them a head start.

Brian Deane! Remember him? He replaces the stricken T2 and breaks the deadlock in this table topping clash. Trev settles it late on.

Real Madrid provide a severe test of our new found competence and for a long time we seem set to fail it. The unlikely figure of a healthy Jamie Redknapp cancels out Stefan Schwarz’s opener and Bridges wins it. Wowww.

Still a lot to do to get through, if we do as expected and beat Brugge that’s 10 points and maybe a point here and there from the big two will be enough.

Espinho are defeated when a gummed-up Le Tissier takes off his tin foil hat and scores a quickfire double just before the break. Espinho are not very good.

Porto away is still one of the toughest fixtures on the Portugese calendar and it’s made all the tougher by Southgate’s early red. Definitely the worst thing he has ever done on a football pitch. We defend stoically though and despite facing 22 shots, we hold on for a valuable point.

All of that leaves us top of the pile and loving life.

Final word of the day goes to this man. 14 in 15, 11 assists. Get Gallen a cap already!

He’ll get another chance, along with Bridges and Tricky Trev, to get his first cap in England’s next game. That’ll have to wait until next week though. If you can contain your excitement, I’ll see you next Sunday.

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