Brits Abroad – Part 11: Dodgy Meat

Greetings and welcome back to the Brits Abroad, where Benfica’s all British squad are having the time of their lives in Portugal. Having won the league and cup last season, there’s been no drop off as yet and a stellar start was made to this season. That’s stellar. Not Stella.

Before we get back to league matters, we resume battle in the Champions League. Given the make up of the squad (and the premise of this particular blog story) this is practically a derby. It gets us in the mood whichever way you look at it and we’re 4-0 up in 19 minutes. That’s unheard of, Peruzzi in the Man Utd goal is overworked and the win puts one of our feet in the knockouts.

Duncan Jupp getting the blame clearly.

Now for a real derby, as far as the fans are concerned at least, as we welcome Sporting to Luz. Can’t get enough of your Luz, baby. We are frankly magnificent in the second half here, despite a brief wobble it just inspires us to go onto greater things and 5-2 could easily have been 15.

Naturally most of the squad bugger off to represent their country and fail to deliver. Gallen remains an uncapped, unused sub.

For those who weren’t called up, Le Tissier suggests a night out which ends in typical British tradition – a kebab at 3am. The results are not pretty.

They’ve all got it.

Even Gallen, who was taken for a consolatory Donner on his return, is throwing up out of his hoop.

Shockingly those left standing can’t win away at Braga.

Glass needs a new hip.

Everything was going so well until Le Tissier’s ill advised team bonding trip and now we’ve lost in Brugge. We’ve pulled out some fantastic results in this Champions League campaign so to lose this one is a kick in the teeth.

Last game is in Madrid…typical.

The lads manage to pull themselves together to beat the Chavs.

This is the task facing us. They like a forward left/centre.

Tony Thorpe do do do do do do Tony Thorpe! That’s the point we need to progress.


There wasn’t really a good draw there.

Business is returning to normal with a routine home win.

Followed by another in the cup.

The good draws just keep on coming. Porto in the quarters.

An exciting day on the Estrela as we com from behind to score 5 and win. Tricky Trev is fantastic, three goals and an assist here and a vital cog for us.

Next up we head to Salgueiros. What I admire here is they haven’t had a goalkeeper all season and despite having £2m in the bank they haven’t bothered to buy one. If you’re wondering, that is Mark Wilson formerly of Man Utd.

Tata sent off, I couldn’t write this stuff. Gallen gets all 4 in a delightful New Year’s Eve romp.

Scott Minto’s season is over. Sure he’ll find some La Liga to present.

Another Gallen double sees off Varzim.

Rinse and repeat at home to Boavista, goal scorers in a different order though. It’s a month out for Curtis, which is a shame.

Goodbye Neil Sullivan.

More relegation fodder up next as the game is won inside 18 minutes. Making it look easy at times.

We do manage to fall behind to Vitoria Guimaraes, my second favourite Guimaraes after Bruno. Couldn’t make that joke in 2016. Gallen and Tricky sort us out though.

He’s a magnificent man. Not just the goals but the assists too. Surely that England cap is coming?

It seems likely that another title will be heading our way as we have a 7 point lead with 14 games remaining. Our one blemish coming during food poisoning gate but otherwise we’ve barely put a foot wrong. There was that defeat in Brugge too but that didn’t matter in the end.

Next week I want the treble. It’s one thing steamrolling over Portugese minnows but we need to bring our A game to see off Porto in the cup, Juventus in the Champions League and anybody else thereafter. We’ll not be stopping for a kebab this time though…

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