Good morning. This is an iconic update because you will feel a sensation when you read it. What is that sensation? Well, we’re going to pass into the future. It may sting a bit, but we’ll carry on as normal. So, can anyone knock Villa off the top? Can I stabilise this Newcastle team? Let’s find out.

As you’re probably very aware, there’s a European Championships this summer. In this upside down universe, Gerry Francis is the Spain manager, and everything Gerry has touched in this game has turned to gold. So he’ll qualify, surely?

WHAT!?

No playoffs in these days, and Spain are out. You’ll get a right slap for that, Gerry.

Only one outcome really. The mullet is available for any club in need. Given that Spain have now utilised me, David Unsworth and Gerry Francis, it may be time to move away from the English managers,

Well, he was only appointed at Sampa four months ago. What an odd chap. Anyway, Gerry to Sampdoria?

Nope, they opt for former Man Utd player Matteo Pelatti. Gerry for Inter?

Hmm, it would be a way out of this monstrosity. But no, I’m here to do a job. Gerry, it’s all yours.

Speaking of David Unsworth, his Real Madrid side are going through some things.

So odd. However, they’re actually on the up

Barcelona B still rubbing it in. Enough of this continental stuff, let’s get back to the Toon.

That will not help. Morons, everywhere.

Spare a thought for Roy Evans

Just retire man. Yet another club who wants my services. It’s a no from me.

Must have been a strict requirement for a David. Whatever.

Things have been rubbish, I’m not going to lie. We rarely win. The problem lies in that we just can’t defend. Also, look at these average ratings

Woeful. Whether we stay up or not, there’s a big overhaul needed this summer. Away from my problems though, we have our first finalists of the season

Brian Little. Again. He loves the league cup. Man City under Mark Hateley showing a return to form. There’s a repeat of one of the semi finals in the FA Cup:

Steve Haslam’s Blackburn are in there, along with recently appointed David Platt’s Palace.

In Europe, Sampdoria are looking to be the first team to retain their trophy since my Sevilla side in 2010

PSV were last year’s beaten finalists and there’s a repeat of that final in the semi finals.

Oh look, Brian Little’s in the semis. He’s omnipresent this week.

Fortunately, he’s well off the pace in the league, though a couple of games in hand could get them in the top 4. No chance of a title win though. Damien Johnson has held Villa’s challenege strong, I thought they’d have fallen away. Kieron Dyer is a relative managerial rookie but they’re very much in with a shot.

It’s not looking great for me but we have a 5 point cushion, which will hopefully be enough.

Wimbledon and Middlesbrough look pretty ruined so hopefully it’s just Forest we need to hold off.

So here we are, in the future. The Premier League is upside down and Newcastle are still struggling – some things never change.

Join me next time for the finale to the 15/16 season which will include Euro 2016 – from Greece! But will Marcello Lippi still be hopelessly devoted to England up against Italy?

Stay tuned for that plus many more terrible puns next week. Bye for now.

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