Greetings to you and welcome to yet another new season. The 23rd season is upon us, and it’s fair to say I can clearly see how things are going to go, because soon it will be 2020. With that terrible pun banked, let’s crack on.

The season starts with the tale of two appointments, one very sensible and the other makes you question everything you know in life.

See that’s alright isn’t it? Bit of an Arsenal legend, played for them 20 years ago, lovely stuff. I love it when a plan comes togehter.

Manchester United legend takes over at Man City. It’s the stuff of nightmares…though I suppose Mark Hughes did it in the real world. And he follows in the footsteps of fellow Man Utd legend Phil Mulryne in playing for the reds and managing the blues. Good grief.

I hate the situation I’m in with Newcastle in some ways, having retained the league and won the Champions League, I’m very much a targeted man. I don’t like making the running, I prefer being underdogs. As such, this will be my last season at the club. Assuming I win the World Club Cup (everybody’s aim in life) then I’ve done all there is to do here and I will be packing my bags to let somebody else carry this on. Anyway, before I choke up, Charity Shield.

Lovely, we do love a Wembley appearance

Pierini is a diamond, I don’t know who he is though. Anyone wanting to guess?

The Champions League draw could have been kinder, with only one guaranteed qualifier we’ve got to take on Unsworth’s men.

I’m assuming Brondby and Bodo-Glimt will be cannon fodder but who knows.

Only drawing at home to Real Madrid puts us in a tricky spot, needing a draw in Madrid in our last game to be absolutely certain, assuming we beat Brondby at home.

So that’s in our hands at least, but our league form is…patchy

Sometimes the man just fits the club – David Platt has got Arsenal going great guns (no pun intended this time) and they’re well set at this early stage. We’re clinging on to the chasing pack, some terribly frustrating performances where we’ve peppered the opposition goal for little reward followed by a couple of bad away days has led us to 7th. I’ve tinkered with the formation to a 4-3-1-2 and it’s sometimes a little more porous than I’d like, but that’s life.

What’s happening here? Liverpool’s rookie manager is having a terrible time, whilst Damien Johnson has finally been found out. Kieron Dyer is not doing well at Derby and even Haslam has lost his magic. Goodness me.

One man who never loses his magic is Peter Beardsley. Turns out, all he needed was a good pre-season

Free from the shackles of management, this hero has hit the ground running. Look at him by November!

Get in Pedro lad. 10 goals and 5 assists better off in his 59th year, I think there’ll be some sort of celebratory post if Pedro makes 60. I just hope I can get the England job at some point so I can give him his 60th cap too. That’d be a story, make that happen please game.

And so, as we consider how stupid I would be to cap a 60 year old if I finally get the England job, that seems a good time to leave you for another week. But do join us as we cross into 2020, I’m sure I can find some more vision jokes and if you’re really good I’ll work some cricket ones in too. See you then!

Looking for a holiday read this summer? Check out The World According to CM9798 available for Kindle and in Paperback now!