What If? Part 2: Bos-ing it

Andy returns with part 2 of his dreamy look back at what would have happened if his beloved Gateshead were a football league club in 97/98. Catch up with part 1 here

We go into November, out of the league cup to Barnet, and into the Check-a-Windscreen Shield 2nd round, with the big Bos Man having hit form and also 21 disciplinary points and a three match ban. Dia is getting his inner Weah on and has broken into the Senegal squad with 19 in 19; clearly Souness was just a rubbish coach. Gary Robson is attracting higher level interest, but thankfully at 32 there’s no big-club release clause casting a shadow.


The ratings are fairly solid for those involved, but this squad is significantly lacking depth. Neither Harper nor Johnson, having been given the chance can dislodge the pensioner between the sticks.

Some things never change, a typical left-field appointment from Leeds Utd.


Not the greatest start to November, but it’s certainly entertaining! Dia know where Ali has gone? Harkus is picking up the slack from Senegal. The draw isn’t kind after they played us off the park with 21 shots.


There was more than one goat at the International Stadium on FA Cup day, but a Harkus hattrick and a Bowey thunderbasket see us into the 2nd round draw. Three games into November, 9 goals conceded…they do say the best form of defence is attack!


Dia gets a well-deserved first cap; however, how he got from Cambridge at 5pm to Mexico for an evening kick-off is beyond me…maybe he has a twin


News you’ve all been waiting for, someone finally signs Tony Thorpe


At last, we win a league game and we’re clinging onto 1st place by 1 point, I have no idea how, we’ve conceded 10 in 4 in the league. Wake me up when “November” ends.


Over in Italy, Italian giants AC Milan sign Roger from the telly…


Wasteful, but we scrape our way into the next round of the auto check-a-paint trophy.


A Trevor Steven inspired division two Chesterfield dump our ten men out the FA Cup, should have named a ‘keeper in the five subs…oh, and the big Bos Man getting 7 shots and no goals. And with that November is done, and it has been one to forget.


– We’re clinging onto top spot
– We’re still in the best knock-out competition
– Dia is a fully fledged international

Here’s the table:


December kicks-off with a trip down under, and a share of the spoils with Heidenstrom’s boys.


Dia-nied Scunthorpe! Prince Ali of Gateshead return’s with a bang!


We’ve got the run of the mill on boxing day. Future Grimsby manager Paul Hurst has already started his Gateshead hoodoo!

And that leaves us still at the halfway stage in a ridiculous battle for top spot. Hartlepool falling away, Darlington nowhere to be seen…


January starts in exciting fashion but leaves us without 4 of our 5 first choice attacking players (Bos suspended, Harkus suspended, Thompson broken ribs, Cuggy out for 5 months with a broken pelvis). It’s all on Dia’s shoulders for a few weeks.


Dia believe it…there are no words…all of my attackers out…


Edgecombe still out with his pre-season broken leg; thankfully we have the big Bos man until 17th January.


Sherwood is inspired, and Barnet are nothing without Devine. I like January.



We threw everything at them, including…Kitchen is staking a serious claim for a forward spot.

Thankfully, 27 year olds don’t seem to want the big club release clause. Dowsa is safe, for now.


More from the sack race; Bobby’s time in Scotland is up as he returns to the R&B scene from the Irn-Bru scene.


We end January by crashing out of the Johnstone’s check-a-paint-colour trophy at home to Hull, with the loss of our key strike force beginning to tell. Stuttering to two draws and holding our position in top spot, closing in on the 100 goal marker. With Dia and Thompson back for the start of February and no other competitions to focus on, we have to kick on and pull away from the pack.


Elsewhere, Man Utd recover top spot having signed Jaap Stam in January.


In La Liga, Barca march on towards the inevitable.


And in sunny Scotland a McCoist inspired Rangers have a commanding lead.


That’s all for now, but please come back next time for more atrocious puns as we attempt to wrap up the title and break the 100 goal marker whilst trying not to conceed like some kind of Hollway-Blackpool-Keegan-Newcastle cross-breed.

You can follow Andy on Twitter @KingOfTheRooks

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