Welcome back to Wrexham, where Deano is trying his best to work with Ryan Reynolds’ global domination plan…

Recap of Ryan’s rules and milestones:

• Only 1 player, per nationality in the squad
• All 7 continents & USA represented in starting XI (Chile represents Antarctica)
• USA must be represented in starting XI
• £20m bank balance at end of season 1
• £30m bank balance at end of season 2
• Win Premier League within 4 seasons

Welcome back!

We started off the season with a 1-4 win at Northampton. We follow this up with a 4-2 win in the League Cup. Now promotion is the main aim for this season, but good cup runs means more games. More games = more time in the shop window = increasing player value.

Fresh after a win, Ryan and I catch up, but he is not impressed.

He’s ripping into me. “We in the Premier League yet?” Are we League Cup winners?”  “How’s the bank balance?” I politely remind him we are only 2 games in.

What’s on his mind is MONEY. As it stands, we have £1.9m in the bank which is 100k less than we started with. Reynolds is impatient and his micro-managing is beginning to piss me off. Eventually I lose my rag.

“Look butt, let me do my job. What the fuck do you know about football – sorry ‘SOCCER’. What do you know about management in 1997/98? I got over 20 years’ experience. Go and flap your head at some fucker else.”

The flapping-head comment was a mistake on my part.  He duly drags me into the carpark and unleashes a few uppercuts. Admittedly, I’m more of a computer geek at heart, so I call over a few stewards to help me out in the scrap.

He backs off and things calm down.

I calmly suggest that he goes to make a new film. Check out Prestatyn. Perhaps go in the time machine to check out some dinosaurs or something. “Check back in with me at Christmas. If I haven’t made any money and we’re not on the way to promotion, then you can sack me. Deal?”

He reluctantly agrees. “Deal.”

Right. Now the owner is out the way I’ve got work to do. Prize money at this level will achieve diddly-squat; I need to speculate to accumulate.

Peter gives us extra African coverage and is good value at 450k.

New left back goes straight into the team and on the transfer list as he’s immediately worth £1.5m.

Wolves pick him up for £1.2m five games later. Churning a 1.1m profit. Noice.

Eventful second leg at Kenilworth Road.

Injury of the Asian-Persuasion. So, Fan Zihiyi gets a run in the team. I’m wondering what will happen if my USA, Aussie or Antarctican assets get injured next. I might need to double-up in the squad to maintain global coverage. I’ll pick this up with Reynolds at Christmas as he’s out of the time zone at the moment.

Now you may be wondering why these donkeys are on my shortlist. (Sucking eggs disclaimer) Simple really, their clubs are interested in my players. Putting one of their listed players on your own shortlist entices would be suitors to make a bid.

Like this.

Which leads to this.

Now, you may also be wondering how the price went up. (sucking eggs disclaimer #2) It’s a sequence called Consider – Refuse – Consider. If you have 3 or more teams interested in the same player, play them against each other. An extra £200k for Chalk – it all adds up.  But you can make a lot more like with Adamczuk here

Consider – Refuse – Consider

(you can do this more than once but don’t get greedy or you’ll price him out of a move altogether)

Boom. Extra 900k.

The Racecource becomes a revolving door of global nobodies.

Players In:

And players out:

On the pitch, we’re doing well

A 3-minute hat-trick from Oforiquaye. This kid is a goal machine.

Dumped out of the League Cup though. It’s a reality check of where we are.

Happy Place, Happy Place. Turf Moor.

Before we know it, Christmas is here. The trimmings are up and so is Reynolds to check on things

“Hey motherfucker, where we at?”

Player	Nation	Price Paid	Price Received
Ruiz Diaz	Paraguay	200k	2.8m
Rozental	Antarctica	750k
Mohove	Cameroon	5k
Moore	Australia	450k
Sritong-In	Thailand	240k
Higuita	Colombia	88k
James	Scotland	250k
Zihyi	China	5k
Adamczuk	Poland	275k	3.3m
Rodriguez	Peru	99k	2m
Cifer	Slovenia	64k
Caldwell	Canada	14k
Oforiquaye	Ghana	450k
Vasilitchuk	Ukraine	83k	1.2m
Emmers	Belgium	375k
Sirakov	Bulgaria	140k	550k
Russell	England	N/A	1.5m
Jones	England	N/A	900k
Spink	England	N/A	475k
Heidenstrom	Norway	52k
Vasilitczuk	Ukraine	83k	1.2m
Lezhentsev	Ukraine	120k
Prazenica	Slovakia	230k
Popov	Yugoslavia	5k
Chalk	England	N/A	1.3m

The owner is happy with the progress and whips out whisky. We clear the air, emptying our hearts and the bottle. It’s soon 3am, so I put Ryan and this episode to bed.

Join us next week when there’s a bid in for Oforique and its BIG. We also wrap up season 1 and get back on the global recruitment trail. Until next time..