Bottoms Up – Part 1: Parallel Universe | @FMCM_FC


Nathan’s back! And he’s got a new hat. Or more accurately, a new idea. Here he is to explain more…

Hello Everyone, I’ve had a bit of break and within that break the European Super League was born and died. The “big” six clubs from England and where facing demotion. This lead me to an idea that I’ve been sitting on for a while. What would happen if the footballing world turned upside? what if Division 3 became the Premier League and vice versa? Well we are about to find out. I’ve been through all the playable leagues in the 9 different countries and swapped everyone. In some divisions some teams haven’t moved due to the number of teams being different in the top division. For this experiment i’m going to take Rangers back to the Scottish Premier League. Rangers have been here before when made to work there back up the Scottish Football League pyramid. The difference this time is it’s the 97/98 season and they have kept all their star players. Here is the current squad.

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It’s a fantastic team to be fair. So let’s crack and start the mission of getting Rangers back into Europe.

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Well I don’t want too many games like this to be honest. A proper battle in the League Cup 1st round. Dundee take an early when McSwegen scampers free and calmly passes it past Goram. We have to wait until the second half for Negri to grab an equaliser only for Dundee to go head again thanks to Olafsson. Laudrup then fires in a rebound from McCoist’s blocked effort. We snatch a victory in literally the 90th minute when Van Vossen goes one on one and slots it past the frustrating Dykstra. We go through but we had to fight hard for that.

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A dominate start to life in Division 3. McCoist and Van Vossen swap goals and assists with each other in the first half. Motherwell briefly threaten but in the 77th minute a poor pass at the back is picked up by McCoist who runs through and megs Howie in the Motherwell goal.

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Another away tie in the League Cup but it’s a much better performance. Airdrie are in the division above us in this parallel universe. Gazza hits home Van Vossen’s shot which cannoned off the crossbar. Cavaco marks his debut by cutting in from the right and lashing the ball past Martin. Two goals in 3 minutes in the second half from Petric and Van Vossen kill the game despite a consolation goal from McPhee.

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We enter the League Challenge Cup which i have literally no interest in at all so field a second 11. Clyde have a terrible opening 20 minutes by scoring an own goal then giving a penalty away and having a man sent off. We miss the penalty but Fitzgerald bags 2 goals to make it 3-0 at half time. Thern adds a 4th after the hour mark before we give back the own goal with one of our own.

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All 4 goals in a crazy 10 minutes just after the half hour mark. Van Vossen opens the scoring but we aren’t ready for the restart and Shaw just breezes through and instantly levels. That annoys us and both McCoist and Negri just bully their way through for both of their goals.

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Shock defeat here but I’m glad to be out of the League Cup if I’m honest. We don’t play well at all and Brechin deserve the win. It’s route one at it’s best as it’s a flick on that sends Angus clear and he beats Wright to the ball to grab a huge winner for them.

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I hate Dundee United in this game. We batter them in the first half but Dykstra turns into prime Peruzzi and stops everything. No excuses in the second half though, we are terrible! Dundee score with every attack. Fitzgerald comes on and grabs a late goal but the damage is already well and truly done.

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We move back to the tried and trusted 2-3-1-2-2 formation for our game in hand and we get back to winning ways. Porrini gets a rare goal by heading home Laudrup’s corner. Negri then breaks free and slots in our 2nd. Lee Power gives Hibs hope but we shut up shop and take the 3 points.

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Absolute joke of a game this. We take the lead when Laudrup picks out the run of Negri who hits a first time volley past Gould. We celebrate for a full minute before it’s ruled out for offside! it absolutely wasn’t. Of course from the resulting freekick Celtic go up the other end and Donnelly plays a one two to get in behind and meg Richard Wright. To be fair to Donnelly he was brilliant throughout. We are really struggling at the moment.

That’s all for this update. Before i go i’ll do some screenshots of the other divisions and Europe so you can get a flavour of how upside down the world is.

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Terrible start from us.

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Dumbarton and Ross County looking for a Premier League trophy early on.

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United only good enough for a playoff spot so far.

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Big Bjorn leading the charge for a Premier League title in England

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Barnet with every chance in that group to be fair.

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Albion Rovers not so lucky.

So that’s it for part 1. join me next time to see if we can get Rangers dominating as they should be and we will see how the rest of Europe is fairing in these crazy times. Until then, Bottoms Up!

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