CD Dons – Episode 12: Crappy Olsen | @Emsonite

I don’t want to alarm anybody but Deano is having a go at speaking Belgian. What can go wrong?

Recap of Rules & Objectives

  • Vinny Jones captain.
  • Only players with Aggression 18+ allowed
  • Hurt the opposition; fan prizes for sending offs, opposition injuries and total disciplinary points.
  • Thug-o-Meter; every CD Dons game is won, drawn or lost on injuries and cards (5 for a red, 3 for an injury, 1 for a yellow). +3 pts for a win, -1 for a draw, -3 for a loss. At the end of the season, I need to beat last season’s +40 score, or I’ll get the sack.
  • Spanish FA really don’t want us to win anything, pfft.

Hallo allemaal!

I just had to borrow the ultimate greeting from Philip Verbist at some point.

Firstly, this week, we get a win against Las Palmas.

But the big game at the start of this episode is our QF second leg against fellow holiday destination Tenerife in the Kings Cup. We’re 2-1 up from the first leg.

The Thug-o-Meter is +47 so we can absorb the 2-3 loss on yellows. It’s a difficult game, but we like it rough and give ourselves a semi.

Semi-Final. Take your mind out of the gutter.…Where we will play Valencia

Fernando Couto has been immense this season as our Travelling Keeper. He makes Winston Bogarde look like Loris Karius. Not only is he keeping the goals out, but he also consistently picks up yellow cards. So much so, that he’s earned himself a free 2-week holiday.

The Portuguese stopper tells us he has always wanted to try Mongolian Wrestling, but his previous clubs never let him. Spoil sports. We encourage crazy endeavours at CD Dons. So we pick up the tab and code it to part of his Continuing Professional Development. Couto hopes to come back stronger and harder.

We beat Gijon 1-0 on yellows in our next match. Not much to report here especially as we have one eye on our next match against our fierce rivals, Espanyol.

Espanyol completely spanked us in our last meeting, so we are out for revenge. But I don’t know what it is about Pochettino’s men – they will not be upstaged. They spunk all over our Thug-o-Meter once again getting 2 red cards in the first half.

At least they didn’t injure any of our players this time and we smash their 9 men 1-5 at football.

Our footballing form is extremely good, and that win takes us up to 3rd.

Without even trying, we are in a title race in our maiden La Liga season.

Real Sociedad are up next, and the Moldovan Maniac Rebeja lays down a marker in the 7th minute. Fabian Estay gets his first goal since returning to CD Dons. Estay has been great since replacing Lasse Olsen on the right wing. Olsen is worth £9m and is on £25k a week. But he is not very good at football & doesn’t pick up many cards either. I’m hoping we can sell him soon to balance the books. We’re skint.

Rebeja earns another tattoo for our lager lout fans. One of which is dreaming of the La Liga title

Next up are Albacete who have Jose Luis Chilavert in goal. If there’s one Keeper I would change formation for it would be him. Lunatic.

He’s not needed though as Rebeja is at it again! Injuring Aquino just before half time. Paulinho Santos gets sent off towards the end as well and it’s a great win.

Free Merch for the red:

Tattoo for the injury:

The Thug-o-Meter is at +50 for the first time. However, we take a big downturn in form losing our next 2 games on yellows for +44.

Then Real Madrid come to town. We don’t fear them in any shape or form. Our front 5 that we have settled on throughout the season; putting Ahh Hristo in the hole, giving Leandro a good run at #9 & upgrading Crappy Olsen to Fabian Estay is causing all defences problems.

We demolish Real 3-0 although it comes at a price as we draw 2-2 on yellows for a -1 on the Thug-o-Meter

Such is the upward form that I’ve picked up the Manager of the Month award for February.

However, like last season, the upturn in football ability is taking its toll on the Thug-o-Meter. We’re dominating games and not committing as many fouls. I might need to self-sabotage to keep my job. We pick up 6 La Liga points but lose 6 Thug-o-Meter points in our next 2 games against Celta Vigo & Tenerife.

Then comes a pummelling from Oviedo. Estay injured. Anelka injured.

We have gone top of La Liga and on current form we could well be Champions come May. I haven’t really been trying to win either.

So, it begs the questions:

  • is aggression a good thing?
  • Is playing without a Keeper an advantage in this Nikolai formation with the right players?
  • Or is it a mix of both?

Who knows?

What I do know, is that I will be out of a job unless I can get to +40 on the Thug-o-Meter. Any trophy won will count for nothing if it’s not won in the CD Dons way. The Thug-o-Meter is currently at +34

Join us next week where we have Semi Final against Valencia, a title race vs Barcelona and a fight against everyone to desperately try and put points on the Thug-o-Meter.

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