Basque Boys – Part 31: Squeaky Basque bum time | @NTR9798

Hola! It’s Friday, so pour yourself a sangria and prepare for the season five finale of Basque Boys. We’re out of Europe, but are just ten games away from being crowned La Liga champions for the first time. Will there be any glory for us to basque in?…

Sometimes-tricky Salamanca are up first. They Rafa our feathers and make us wait, but our patience pays off as Laslandes and Guerrero combine to get the job done.

Our fifth meeting with Barcelona this season is a Copa del Rey semi first leg. The tables seem to be turning, as Guerrero gets the only goal, and we limit them to just one shot on target.

The super keepers are definitely coming out to play this season, and Bengt Andersson is at it again, but Arenaza nets early, and De Pedro returns to haunt his old club, f*ck ‘em I say!

These sort of results really boil my piss. Eighteen shots at goal, eighteen! and still we can’t score at home to Levante. I agree with the board, who say abysmal result.

After an early goal each, we’re lucky in the second leg with Barca as we lose our keeper, but thankfully Fernando puts the penalty wide. A draw is enough to see us into the final.

We’ve beaten Atletico and Barca, so why not give us Real in the final for good measure?…

The donkeys trot into town, but we give them a good kicking. Putting Guerrero back on penalty duty was one of the best decisions I’ve made, I don’t think he’s ever missed one!

It’s a tough night in Seville, we’ve plenty of chances but yep, their keeper is man of the match. Sevilla win the UEFA Cup a few days later, so maybe they had one eye on that final.

Rock-bottom Espanyol are next to visit. It’s a good job Guerrero has goals in him, because my strikers have only scored three between them in our last seven games! We march on.

Deportivo are in the drop zone, but still tough opposition. Laslandes fires in a brace to deport them back to Coruña, and there are now just three games left to go – do we dare to dream?!

Osasuna are all over us, and we can’t muster a single shot in the first half. The second half is as dire, even against ten men, but luckily Betis hold Real Madrid to keep them level with us.

That’s our keeper out for the remainder. Time to make a name for yourself, Leighton…

So here we go, the game that makes or breaks our season. We’re level on points with Real, but because we beat them earlier this season, we just need to win to be crowned champions.

Contreras is usually a c*nt, so I’m delighted when he’s sent off, and their sub is a grey! Guerrero scores the pen, but we give them one back, which Roberto Carlos duly converts.

I grow more nervous as the second half ticks by, but then Laslandes scores, and I run down the touchline like Mourinho! Just as I think we’ve done it, Real score in the 85th minute… but it’s disallowed!!! and we’re champions! YES! YES! Fucking YES!!!!!!!

Rafa Alkorta sets an unwanted record, as his age and lack of pace catch up with him, not that he cares…

The World Cup squads are announced a few days later. Laslandes makes the France squad, but there’s no place for Lizarazu…

Eight make the Spain squad. Interesting that they’ve taken Etxebe, and not Arenaza who’s scored 31 goals, but what do I know?

We finish with a meaningless home game with Antandec. Their keeper sees red, Guerrero scores the pen, De Pedro adds a second, and the party can finally begin. There’ll be some sore heads in Bilbao tomorrow!

It’s been five years in the making, but it’s finally the year of the Basque Boys!

Here’s the final table. Barca beat Real, so we won by six points in the end, but were pushed all the way. We were fortunate that Barca had a shocker, but as a certain Mr. Freeman once said… Frankly I don’t give a shit.

Celta, Osasuna, Espanyol and Salamanca go down, to be replaced by Las Palmas, Valladolid, Elche and Hercules.

After getting caught up in all the celebrations, I forgot that we’ve still got a cup final to play. I’d normally make more of a big deal of a final, but I’m on such a high that I couldn’t care less that Real hammer us in our own back yard…

More broken records…

Was this ever in any doubt?…

It’s a France and Spain World Cup final. Seven Basque Boys feature in the match, which France win, as Laslandes and Guerrero both score for their countries…

Elsewhere, Man Utd won the premiership and champions league, Blackburn won both cups, Juventus won another league and cup double, Auxerre won the cup winners cup, Sevilla the UEFA Cup, Real Madrid the European super cup, and River Plate won the world club cup.

The player stats, if you’re interested…

And the league-winning squad. Just seven originals remain, and I’m absolutely chuffed to have won the league with this team. I think the constraints I’ve had to work within have made this my best ever league win on this game.

I must thank @9798Nikolai for this formation, it changed our fortunes completely. If you don’t follow him, do it now!

For such a monumental achievement, the prize money is somewhat disappointing…

At the awards, Arenaza is the writer’s pick, somehow Jupp is manager of the year, and Thierry Henry, who was without a club from August to February, is somehow European player of the year…

So that wraps up season five! Thanks for reading as always. The league is ticked off, and we’ve now won everything except the champions league and world club cup. Join me next week for season six, as I begin to think about how to conquer Europe… Adios!

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