Around the World with Adrian Littlejohn – Part 6: It’s all gone Pete Tong! | @Emsonite

Merry Weekend! Here’s Deano with the latest antics of Adrian Littlejohn…

Do you ever knock this game on. And. For no reason whatsoever. No matter what you do. You just can’t do anything right? Well, this is one of those sessions.

It starts off okay. With some selective friendly arrangements.

Littlejohn only managed 3 goals for England last year. But after playing a load of competitive International games in 1998/99, we get to play some friendlies again this season. The FA Board go to the trouble of arranging these matches to prepare us for the upcoming Euros.

But I’m not interested in slugging it out against the elite! We want to go Around the World with Adrian Littlejohn. Playing against some teaching assistants, road sweepers & fishermen in the process.

That’s more like it. Particularly looking forward to going to Vietnam.

But it’s not England that is the problem. It’s Man Utd who are giving me shit.

Despite winning the League, Champions League & League Cup last season. AND strengthening by signing he likes of Oliseh, Marcia Santos, Eggen, Bjorklund, Albertz, I just can’t get a tune out of the Red Devils this year.

The writing was on the wall when we stumbled to a penalty shootout win in the Charity Shield against Spurs. That was as good as it got

Spurs get their own back in the league. Adrian Littlejohn misses from 12 yards in the process

We lose our best players Mark-Vivien Foe and Legwinski to injury. Without them we get absolutely battered at Hillsborough.

I don’t know what’s going on. Perhaps Peter Schmeichel is the issue. I can’t put my finger on it.

I’m glad for the International break.

Destination: Macedonia

Euro 2000 qualification is all but secured and Littlejohn bags another two on his travels to get his season up and running.

Perhaps he can take that form back into the Premier League?

No. He can’t.

More drivel being served up by Man Utd. It’s as if Ralf Rangnick is moving the mouse and Ole Solskjaer is pressing the space bar. We are absolute shit.

It’s the lack of goals that is the most concerning. Littlejohn only has 2 this season and isn’t getting many chances. I’ve had enough now. So, fuck it. I’m off.

Genie makes a swift appearance. And he is not happy.

  • ‘What are you doing you stupid twat! You can’t quit. You gotta get Littlejohn to 100 PL goals!’
  • ‘Fuck you Genie. You big blue c*nt. Sorry. I mean. Sir. What I meant to say is, Look, I’ve got a superb reputation. I’ll just get another job and buy him for another club. Man Utd are bound to transfer list him. He’s fucking shit. No drama’

I didn’t tell Genie there are no jobs available. But that’s by the by. I’m sure something will come up.

Captain Marvel, Bryan Robson takes over at Old Trafford.

I hope Littlejohn can keep his place and score a couple of goals before Man Utd bring in new strikers.

Checking out Robbo’s first game in charge and GREAT! Littlejohn starts – but SHIT! he gets injured.

Let’s hope he’s not out for too long-oh you twat!

Seriously. I’m sure the A.I. is messing with me this session.

Littlejohn’s injury means he misses games against Lithuania & Malta. The England players wear Littlejohn T-Shirts in the warm in support of their Talisman. And Paul Scholes scores his goals. A lot of them

Euro 2000 qualification is secured. At least Littlejohn – barring more injuries – will have extra games to play in the summer.

…I have nothing to do for a while…

…A couple of months pass by…

..No PL jobs come up, so I do what all international managers do when the domestic campaign is going on…

I’m bored shitless. But my mood picks back up when I get a notification

Thank fuck for that!

Littlejohn has lost his place in Man Utd team but is back to spearhead England’s attack once again in pointless friendly.

And we have a cracking away day lined up. We bump into loads of backpackers on a mortgage break trying to ‘find themselves’

Destination: Botswana

The locals may be brilliant at herding elephants, but they don’t know how to play football. Which is great news for Adrian Littlejohn.

Another four. Cha-Ching.

Let’s check out his stats before we bring this episode to a close.

31 England goals. That’s one more than Alan Shearer managed.

Join us next week when we prepare for Euro 2000, and I try and get myself off the dole and into a Premier League job that’s capable of resigning our hero.

See you next Saturday.

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