Monaco Part-Ex Outlet. Part 8: Beep for Bell*nd | @Emsonite

Monaco? Yes you read that right.

What’s going on? I’ll tell you. Talking shit, as per, with my butty @thetynter, and this blog pops up. I was telling him about Trade guy who hates skateboarders bla bla bla. And he already knows about it. In fact. He knows a lot more than I do. 

So apparently (I’m not fact checking, where’s the fun in that) After the skateboarder confrontation incident at the Mumbles, there was a public response. Not a good one. It created a movement. It was called ‘Beep for Bellend.’

That’s his house but the graffiti is photoshopped…. Apparently.

The premise of Beep for Bellend. It’s not that hard. When you drive past his house you give a little beep. 

He tells me he drove past his house as well. 

Obviously my next question was:

  • “Did you beep?”
  • “Fucking right I did. Once on the way past. And once on the way back” 

His wife and kids were super impressed. 

It must have got to him but because… Apparently. Trade guy doesn’t live there anymore. He moved to Monaco. 


That shit cannot be left to slide.  As @thetynter says “This shit writes itself.”

So if Trade guy can ditch South Wales for Monaco then so can we. At least for one episode.

Wouldn’t mind a little break from Merthyr anyway. I’m there every weekend. 

So at the end of Season 2 we’re rocking up in the South of France.

I just to get this off my chest.

I don’t like France. 

Or French fries. Could happily live the rest of my life and never go there again. It’s expensive. Pretentious. And every French person I’ve ever met has been a tosser. 

We used to buy ESP lagers that came from France from a bloke up the street when we were kids. £6.50 for 24 bottles. No google pic available of the bottles, but here is the can.

Can’t buy them anymore. Beer is cheaper here now anyway. 

The best thing about France these days is flying over the c*nt to get to somewhere else. 

I don’t want to be here. Not even on Manager. So we ain’t staying long. Just for a Champions League Campaign. If we last that long. 

So Monaco and the same rules apply. Trades only.

Monaco finished 2nd last year. Which means Champions League football.  

Last time I managed Monaco was in the Lockdown challenge. We were massively in debt then. This time is no different.  £4m in the red.

I remember I kept getting cash injections to keep afloat. Will this happen again?

No money, so we have to trade anyway.

A bad trade? I don’t think there are many skateparks in Monaco. What else would annoy our sponsor? 

An eyesore budget Cruiseliner should do it.

Full of knobs rocking up on day trips hiring jet skiis no doubt.

We got no money so the trades are as you would expect. A load of Paul Trollope. 

They continue to be awful.

Dreadful even.

Our sponsor aint happy. He’s on the rampage.

Jet skiiers aren’t as easy to trip up as skateboarders though. You can’t get close. Top tip: hold up big A1-size photos of boobies to distract them.

Splash. Put that on your Instagram story, cock.

We are urged to sell players. 

Despite the lack of filthy lucre. Our starting XI is excellent. 

Easily through to the CL group stage. 1-4 on agg.

The only half decent trade we can muster is to bring in Gary McCallister.  Who is slightly more useful than the twat going to Spurs. 

Still. A good trade is a good trade, yes boss?

Oui misure.

CL Groups Stage. It’s raining goals in Athens.

And the same again vs Inter who leave R9 on the bench.

My go-to formation is working well in the Champions League.

Fair to say it doesn’t work in the Farmers League though. No win in 6 attempts.

I’m not changing though. France can adapt to me. 

They’re voting with their feet now.

They can’t complain in Europe though.

I think they’ve had enough. 

One game to save me perhaps?

We sign off in style.

But the inevitable happens. On Bonfire night.

They gave me my BFH to the UK at least. It’s not all bad.

“The trades don’t work. They just make you worse. But I. know I can watch The Chase again”

Back to Merthyr. 

Home sweet home. Getting champ-manned by Gary Allinson.

If you’re keen eyed wondering how Scott Oakes got into my team. This is the player I was owed from Sheff Utd. Oakes had crossed the Sheffield divide, but fell out of favour & requated a transfer from the now-PL Utd.

He’ll do a job for us in the hole.

I hope you enjoyed the little detour as much as I didn’t.

Join us next week when we see how far we can take this lot.

Ps. France is shit. 

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