Hello! Welcome back to England, France and the Netherlands. If you are reading for the first time, you’ll probably be thinking there’s an awful lot going on there. You might be right. I’d catch up with Part 1 if I were you and then get back over here for this latest instalment.

That eagle does look mad, no matter how you feel about it. You don’t get many friendly eagles, really, do you?

I’m still trying to find the best way to convey what’s going on across three countries back to you. For now, we’ll just dot around whenever something interesting happens. Like this Dalian Atkinson double rescuing a point from nowhere against Homercles.

Player trading, which used to be calling buying and selling in the good old days, is going to be vital. Jansen has a lot of potential but right now losing him for £2.6m is not the end of the world. Big club release means I have no choice anyway, but whatever. We have some room to manoeuvre.

Nice are looking like the biggest project so it’s a relief to enjoy a day out in Zagreb. That should put us into round 2 anyway with a home leg to come.

Palace are becoming quite fun. John Ritchie, one of the Partick youth prodigies is at the double here and I’m very sure I will keep them in the league. But how high can they go?

Vialli, sacked by Chelsea, comes and joins former team mate Lombardo. That should be a good pickup.

Nice defeat Beauvais and will presumably face Butthead next week. Being in Ligue 2 again is bringing back memories of Mulhouse and I’m sure I made all these gags then too.

The Eagles are the hardest to predict of my three sides. Here we enjoy 21 shots away to a cheese and lose 6-1.

Then four days later we win 5-0. A net neutral on the goal difference, at least.

Nice will face Vicenza next, which is one of the worse draws available. I would have liked to go to Derry.

What do you have for breakfast? Louhans Cuiseaux. Because it sounds like croissant, get it? Anyway the boys are back in town.

Now we’re talking. Look who’s come to help out.

With Bjorn supplying the bullets, PMcV rams home a hat-trick. The wheels are back on.

What GAE needed was a fairly average and injury prone Bulgarian. He’s actually rubbish but we can attract NOBODY. I am more likely to use him at wing back given his statistics.

He lasts 62 minutes of this 8-3 win. I mean, what can you say when you win 8-3.

More of that delicious trading sees Sebastian Kohn run off. He was quite good but he’s 32 and who knows what average clogger I can attract in his place.

There will be no Coupe de la Ligue success as Bastia absolutely batter us.

Another one sold. I only need one central midfielder and it’s Bjorn.

Valencia’s stats are fairly average but he can create and run quickly, which immediately makes him the King of Nice.

A quick visit to England as Vialli’s debut goes wonderfully.

Disaster in Nice as Bjorn, injury proneness 1, is ruled out for a couple of months. Valencony is the goalkeeper, he’s broken too. All in all, everything positive is now gone. My former loves Mulhouse defeat us.

Casper the friendly defender signs.

Our sub goalkeeper is in and great news, he has no hands. Urgh.

A defensive midfielder is finally added to the squad, a man who went on to be average for West Ham.

TOP Oss are top of the league but Uncle Bulgaria nicks a point off them. Good Eagles.

I’m fairly sure Nice Valence is what Alan Partridge says whilst he is seducing the woman he takes to the Owl sanctuary. The skirt thing that goes around the bed! It’s a win though, and hopefully a corner has been turned.

We’re 4-1 down after the first leg so we were never going to come back into this on current form but it’s a morale boosting win against a good side.

The Go Ahead Eagles really put the E in BEEFCO. I mean the second E. Whatever way you look at it, I bet it was great when Tammer scored that winner.

But not as fun as this late, late show against Arsenal. Vialli is doing bits to salvage a point but Padovano has bigger ambitions. Absolute scenes. These bloods lads.

Palace were able to blog Wayne Carlisle to Brentford – barely worthy of comment – but it does allow me to sign Claus Jensen for the first time. He looks good. But is he?

He doesn’t need to be here on debut but he does get 20 mintues. We run riot in Newcastle. We are class.

Let’s reflect. Palace sit 8th, with a game in hand we could be 6th!

The squad is full now, I signed Richard Wright which I seemingly forgot to mention. But there he is. I love this team, it’s the perfect mix of youth, experience and Dean Gordon. BeefCo should be very happy with this acquisition.

Over in France, things are less positive. It’s taken ages to get this team to work, and even now I’m not sure it is. We’re 9 points off the promotion spots with loads of games to go, so it’s not a disaster.

The squad is getting there. Once Bjorn is back we’ll see if things improve. £240k for Solano should prove to be a snip but he has only just signed – at a similar time to Schemmel actually, who I deemed worthy of a screenshot for some reason. Lots of work to be done here but my hot take is that so many of the default squad here are absolutely crap.

The Eagles have seen 77 goals in their 15 Toto Divisie games. Bless the goals down in Africa! Or Holland. But that’s a lot of goals and we’ve scored the most.

I don’t know how it works, but it does. If we were ever to get promoted I think barely 2 or 3 would survive in the top tier but that is a problem for another day. For now, we’ve just got to keep winning.

That will do us for another week. I’m enjoying the challenge of this save and we’re absolutely nowhere near the overall aim of getting the teams in the Champions League final. It should be a big week next week if any or all of the BeefCo teams can get a run together. See you next Sunday for more!