Summer Specials Two – The Full Members Club: Keith’s Only

Hello and welcome to our second CM9798 experiment to keep you entertained this summer. How do we follow-up on taking season one Manchester United a full season without a ‘keeper? Well how about a team of Keith’s, playing for Keith? Mad you say? Bloody brilliant! If you are just joining us you can catch-up with last weeks United test here.

When I was building the European Super League and making the readjustments to all the home leagues, I came across the lesser known ‘Keith’ of Scottish non-league fame, where the journey all started for a one Colin Hendry. Scottish football in 1997 didn’t have promotion or ‘election’ to the football league, and lowly Keith were trapped in the oblivion of the Highland League. But what if they’d been voted in? And what if in some tip to Nick Rowe’s Basque Boys save we built a team of Keith’s to take on the Scottish Third Division? Well you didn’t ask, but here they are!

All the Keith’s in the database. A severe lack of left sided players, but real depth at centre back. We even brought Keith Houchen out of retirement. We’ve also got cousin of Judas Priest guitarist, Keith Downing. They will be looked after by their inspirational leader, Keith.

We’ll use the famous 2-3-1-2-2 to get the best out of the lads. I’m probably going to have trouble shouting instructions during the game…

Branagan, Curle, Andrews, Gillespie and O’Neill the standout players. I feel like a team of Keith’s would be quite ballsy, so we’re not even going to do any pre-season friendlies to get a feel, straight in at the deep end! It pays…no dividends.

Gillespie is also now out for a while, so we are forced to make a change.

A draw with the Pacific’s finest, Alloa, in the league is followed by thrashing them 4-1 in the League Challenge Cup to get our season motoring.

It’s all coming up Keith. We whip Berwick 3-1, Queen’s Park 4-1 and Cowdenbeath 3-0 to pull ourselves top of the league after 4 games. The Keith’s on tour also enjoy a victory.

This is the best result so far. Unsurprisingly, Keith got man of the match.

Keith one, Ross nil. We draw blood in the first names derby.

We’re only a quarter in, but we’re having to fight like Keith Thurman to keep a hold of the games two most prized Keith based assets:

Gillespie is the first Keith to get a full international cap whilst playing for Keith. If you’re wondering how many times the name is used in this blog already, get used to it, they just Keith on coming.

He strained too hard curling one out apparently…other than that, the Keith’s seem to enjoy a bit of roughhousing with bruised ribs in training the most common injury.

Either that, or they are REALLY funny together, giving the two Ronnie’s a run for their money. What’s not funny? Losing the bragging rights in the first name derby.

We reach the halfway stage having a bit of a wobble. The Keith’s are losing the goal scoring touch and it’s a tight race for promotion.

The relentless roughhousing continues.

We ease past Berwick and we’re off to Division One St. Mirren in the FA Cup 3rd round. Meanwhile, we’re back in the bragging rights in the first name derby.

The roughhousing has got to O’Neill and he wants out, to anywhere but here. He just wants to be the big Keith in a little pond.

It’s a total Keith-in at Love Street as we see off St. Mirren to earn a clash with Division Two Brechin in the 4th round.

“Keith is on fire, your defence is terrified!”…the home fans look on…confused.

It’s like a scene of a robbery, a Brechin if you will…

Our reward is a tough one.

Our in-form right wing-back Keith Downing will miss the big game after a scrap in training leads to some broken ribs. And it’s the end of the road for Keith Curle as he breaks his leg.

With the wind in their ass Aberdeen come back and take us to a replay.

If we make it through, Rangers will have to face off against the mighty Keith.

The replay sees Keith O’Neill go from hero to villain in the space of 60 seconds. We’re through but he’ll miss three games, no doubt he’ll miss the Semi Final. One things is for sure, these Keith’s lack discipline. I’ll try to pass it off to the appeals panel as another Keith…

The Keith’s are alright! Champions!

Not so alright in the cup as we can’t find a way beyond Laudrup, Gascoigne, Bakayoko, Fowler et al…

With O’Neill we might have had a chance. Division Three Cowdenbeath only go and make the final. We close the season with a stirling performance.

And here’s the table:

We win no awards other than Mr O’Neill’s goal scoring exploits.

And at least three of the Keith’s (McPherson, Nobbs and Houchen) have had enough of the roughhousing and call it a day. I missed the vital stats for the season as I was so angry at losing to Rangers! Keith’s O’Neill, Ryan, Oliver and Crawford were tremendous.

That’s the end of our second summer special, I hope you’ve enjoyed our little experiment, why not give it a try yourself or attempt another version (only signing Jones’) and let us know how you get on!

You can follow Andrew on twitter: @KingOfTheRooks

2 thoughts on “Summer Specials Two – The Full Members Club: Keith’s Only

  1. Pingback: Summer Specials Three – Picked Last: The Stats Don’t Lie…Or Do They? | CM 97/98

  2. Pingback: Hereford and Back Again P04: Hodging Our Bets – Championship Manager Fans

Leave a Reply