Hello and welcome to the latest CM9798 experiment! I’ve been banging on about this one for a while so thought it best that I get to it.

German management brothers Wolfgang and Friedhelm (aka me) are tasked with taking on The Premier League and Champions League with a team of siblings. There will be rules:

• Any starting XI must have 5 pairs of brothers
• Substitutes are a free for all
• If one sibling is injured, the other cannot make the match day squad

Fairly simple yeah? Here’s the squad:

I think our weakness may well be our defence. Koeman is old, Patxi is old, Oliseh is too young (as is Guerrero). Flo is average and Gary Neville is Gary Neville. The challenge will always be fitting in the brothers.

As is traditional, we’ll setup in a 2-3-1-2-2 to make the most of our attacking talent, but don’t be unexpected to see this morph into an MW or a no ‘keeper injuries and form dependent. Michael immediately rules himself and Brian out of the first day:

So, the Djorkaeff’s come in.

We’re s****** ourselves as Liverpool storm into an easy lead, but a goal before half-time and the introduction of our Barcelona brothers Oscar and Roger sees us over the line. Just. Michael continues to do his best to stop Brian from playing.

Another challenging game sees us take on season one Man Utd (minus the Neville’s).

Even with 10-men they’re a bunch of b*******. We just about collect an important point away from home. Man Utd see their weakness and make amends:

Elsewhere the crap brother rules the good brother out:

A switch around due to injuries sees the Sand men enter. There is a long spell of defiance from Nigel Martyn until he finally capitulates. With 10-men it was all Leeds, so no advantage gained.

Also, that was the wrong Guerrero I subbed on and put in centre midfield, but he still scored and got a 7 despite being a DRC. Interesting. The next result is bad. Leicester are top but come on.

Our Champions League draw is just as favourable…

We sum up the period getting robbed by Barnsley.

The Guerrero brothers will be out for some time as the crap one gets injured.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. My leadership skills are in severe doubt. Rotation isn’t helping.

Early scores on the doors.

We’re not too far gone. But we need to buck our ideas up quickly. Good Koeman is injured, so bad Koeman can’t play. Witschge’s and Flo’s are also going to be suspended. We make an adjustment:

And it just about pays off! Ian f****** Woan man, come on.

We head of into our first European mission and we’ve got the Germans on the ropes until we collapse and run home in the second half.

In a precursor to our next ‘European’ adventure (on home soil) we take on Newcastle. Ice cool Berg pulls us back into place and we take the points.

And then Arsenal get an absolute kicking. But just as we get the Laudrup’s moving they’re out of contention.

The changes see us pull off a 1-0 defeat away to Wimbledon. Shameful.

De Boer-ing. With that we’re close to the top, but far enough away for the board to be unimpressed.

We’re leaking goals, and realistically need 5 wins in the Champions League to guarantee our passage into the next phase of battle. Is it a crisis of leadership? Or do we just need time to gel? Find out next week.